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accidentally discovered, from the subsequent-woman side: another reason to keep NC

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Here's another reason to maintain NC or at least =not= do the post-breakup thing of accepting crumbs and whatever time the ex hasn't booked on new prospects:



Last night after my run, I stopped into a pub. I ordered a pint and hung out in the back at the bar, chatting w/ the barman about varying levels of horrendousness of the karaoke going on.


One woman kept looking at me. A few glances are one thing, but she was tracking me all evening. She was elegantly dressed, her makeup immaculate, she's very pretty, was surrounded by girlfriends etc. Yet her gaze seemed strangely ... admiring is the wrong word. It was all wrong, given she was in a strong position and looked amazing, and I was in running gear, unshowered, my hair a mess, I was alone on a Saturday night though I knew a few people there and chatted around a bit. I looked, smelled and was skulking about like the bad day it had been.





A few weeks ago, I'd had a platonic overnight with her ex-boyfriend. The night had gotten late, it got cold, we went back to his place to keep talking. I slept in the guest room and in the morning, he made breakfast.


As he was cooking, he said that he'd never understood when people talked about marrying their best friend, but now, just hanging out with me, he did. That was just weird - why would you say that to someone you barely know?


After breakfast he tried to recruit me for a link removed he's in. When he didn't understand or respect the limits I felt I'd made clear, I was a bit harsher. He still tried to get me to make plans to go out with him (social stuff, not the org) for three different evenings the following week. I snapped that time was at a premium for me, and left.


Since then, I've let his calls go to voice mail. When I've seen him in person, I've been distant; the ex-gf has been puppy-dog-like in close tow, looking particularly bubbly. I've had other stuff going on, it hasn't been that big a deal for me. It wasn't a man-woman issue. It was a link removed.



Apparently, to Bubbly Puppy, it might have been a little more significant. I noticed he's covert-aggressive in saying positive things about other women, so I can imagine he cried on her shoulder about "clicking" with me and then getting the cold shoulder.


Don't let yourself be set up to suffer that way. I can't criticise her - I did pretty much the same thing with my ex for YEARS. But gosh did it feel bad to see her apparently feeling so bad about me, an objectively non-threatening "other object of fascination."



So, not that I was about to break my own NC, but this is new motivation for continuing NC w/ my own ex-monster.

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