Meeting him again. How should I act?

[Lilla]

My short story: I got to know my ex while working in his country 3 years ago. After half a year the relationship became a long distance one, because I had to finish my studies here at home. He left me almost 3 months ago, because he had the feeling that it won’t work on the long term. This happened just some weeks after he had asked me to become his wife.. It turned out that he had cheated on me..

 

First I was desperate, was bagging him to try again.. Now I am still angry, I am thinking about him almost always. I asked him to never call me again, so we have been on NC for a bit more than 2 months. I guess I don’t want him back anymore, but still love him.

 

Now the problem comes: I got this excellent summer job in his town, so I am going there. The town is pretty empty in the summer and he never goes on holidays during this period. It is almost sure we will meet. I won’t tell him that I am going there, because there is nothing to say. I just don’t know how to react when I will meet him by chance.

 

I have read that you gave the advice that I should try to seem happy. But only problem is since he had left me, my life is everything but happy. My Dad lost his job, is always depressed, drinks too much. We have big financial problems, have to sell the house, so I can’t continue my studies as planned. My Mom is very ill.. I have been pretty much depressed nowadays, haven’t done some of my important exams.. He knows my family, they all love him a lot.

 

How should I act?

[soul_soother]

I don't believe you have to act happy, I'm sure your idea isn't to

crush his feelings to make him feel like your wonderful.. I never have

and never will believe in someone cheating, I believe if the presense

of true soul-mate love is intact, cheating would never be an option.

 

Instead you should realize that you are recognizing that you yourself

is a better person then him; thereforeee you have no to reason to be attached

emotionally anymore because you are simply...too good for him. Act as

if he doesn't exist, the cold shoulder sends a strong message.

[Abadabbadoo]

Ditto what Soul Soother said.

 

I'd add: try to seek out support groups in this town. Early NC is a really vulnerable time. With all of your family stuff going on, you need all the shoulders you can get.

 

For me, the ex and my family getting along made NC especially hard when for so long, I'd felt he was the only one who "got" what I was going through b/c he knew them.

 

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to get concrete about possible support groups.

Not sure if you're headed to the town I'm thinking of.

[Lilla]

I am going to a town in Italy. I have some friends there, but they will be on holidays.. I am going to work for a very dear old man who owns an art gallery, I will be probably living with him and his little daughter, so this will be fun.. My friends here at home will be on vacation as well, so I won’t be more lonely there..

 

If I meet him, I don’t want to act cool. I guess I have my pride and I want to be perfectly polite.. I wish we could become friends one day, but I don’t know if I should let him know how I am feeling. I planned to move to him this September, but now I have really no idea what to do with my life.. Absolutely zero.

[littlej]

Kill them with kindness I guess is the mantra. My ex was not nice to me during our breakup. She went back to her ex. During that time she called me once. I was very nice to her which I'm sure threw her a bit. They are now broken up and we will talk for the first time next week.