Feeling especially lonely today

[Duckie2021]

How long is it supposed to take to get over your ex? (it's been 9 months already)

 

I started my relationship with him when I was in high school. I was 17, he was 19. We had been friends for a few years. After HS I started work and moved out of my parents home into my own apartment. Shortly after that, we had a fight and he broke up with me. It destroyed me. I was so hurt. But he came back and wanted to get back together. He switched colleges though and moved out of town. I quit my job and moved in with him (finding a new job in the new city). I was so depressed. I really hated being away from my friends and family, I hated my new job and our relationship. I don't really know how to define "emotional abuse" but I think he was abusive in that way. He manipulated me into paying for everything. He told me that he couldn't put any money into our living costs because school took too much time and he had to concentrate on school (pls don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of concentrating on school). Yet, every free moment he had, he wasn't studying, he was out partying with his friends. He told me repeatedly that I was stupid and then look at me in disgust. He called me a b*tch all the time. I couldn't help but be a little b*tchy, I was working 12 hour days to pay for us to live, and then I'd come home to a disgustingly messy house that I had to clean up and him not be home (or home and passed out drunk). All I wanted was some time with him. If I asked him to spend some time with me, he'd tell me I was "needy and demanding".

 

After 1 yr of living together he started leaving on the weekends, not telling me where he was going. I had had enough. I spent this last weekend deciding that unless he came back begging for forgiveness I was going to break up with him. He came home on the Sunday and didn't even acknowledge me when he walked in. Instead of breaking up with him I heard myself say "I missed you". What the heck! I didn't miss him, I hated him! Why did I say that?! And then he laughed at me. He said "yeah well I realized I didn't miss you, we need to break up, I can't handle you anymore". After he left, I changed my FB profile to "no longer in a relationship", he changed his to "now in a relationship with xxxxxxxxx" Obviously he'd been cheating on me.

 

He hurt me so much, and I was so relieved to break up. Why do I miss him. Or do I just miss the idea of someone. The weekends are so hard. It's so hard to wake up to an empty side of the bed. I wake up and just want to cry. I totally hide myself away. I rarely do anything on the weekend. I just always want to be alone but I hate that I am.

[Iwantittoend]

Sounds to me like you just miss being in a relationship and not him in particular. You remember everything bad he did to you, but also remember the good times that you had. I'm exactly the same way with my ex. I know it wouldn't be good for us to be together, but I still miss the idea of being with someone.

[nuttybuddy]

Hey,

 

I'm healing from a break up too. it's going on 6 months now. I can understand your loneliness and feeling like u hate him and yet missing him. The feelings go up and down. Somedays I feel so fine and glad it's over, other days I wish he was still with me. But ya know, my bf wasn't as abusive as your bf was. your bf calling u a B----and stuff was verbally abusive. and u supported him financially, which he didn't even appreciate. It's sad, but when we are willing to do everything and anything for the person we love, we are bound to be taken for granted. So, you have to love yourself before u can love anyone else. Seriously. Who is this joe shmoe that he should make your life miserable? why should u pay for his education when he didn't even put a ring on your finger? if u think clearly about it, you should sue him for all the expenses you paid for his living and tuition. he has no right to treat any human being like that! especially someone he called his girlfriend. take him to court!

 

more importantly though, u need to keep reminding yourself of the awful things he's done to u. stop remembering the dreams that u wanted with him. he never shared those dreams. get angry at him. that will help u move on. u can do better. u sound so strong. u should get further education if u can. some people work and go to night school. keep yourself busy. u won't have time to think about him. and maybe in college, you'll meet a better guy.

 

*hugs* be strong. i can sense that u are.

[Duckie2021]

Thank you for your post. It's funny you mentioned that I should go back to school. I just got accepted for university and am starting my courses in September. I am planning on getting my bachelors in social services. My ex was totally against my going back to school so I feel like by doing this I will be moving on.

 

I feel like I am strong person when I'm with other people, but my emotions get the best of me when I'm alone.

 

It's true what you said. Somedays you feel so good about the break up. I know that I deserved better than him, I know that I wasn't happy. But then their are days where I question everything I've done in the past to make our relationship get to the point it was. Like if I had done one thing differently everything else would have been different. It's silly to think like that though.

 

I don't miss him, I miss having someone to come home to.

 

Thank you very much for your post. Best of luck to you.