honeybee Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 So I met a boy on Fri night! We really hit it off and after my girlfriends went home I stayed behind to party with him. We left the first venue and then, after not being able to get in anywhere else, decided to go back to my place to continue drinking! We were increadibly drunk! He stayed that night. I asked him if this was considered a one night stand or if he wanted to see me again. He said he didn't consider it a one night stand and he did want to see me again. He messaged me soon after I drove him home saying he hoped we could catch up again soon and asked me to sms him when I was free that night. I smsed him and invited him over. He replied straight away and came around. We were both sober and we chatted for ages before having fabulous sex and falling asleep. So boys, my question is... Who's turn is it to sms??! Is it mine as I did the inviting over or is it still his as he needs to do all the chasing! I'm getting mixed answers from my friends. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 It's the person's turn who is first in the mood to have sex again. This is not "dating" or getting to know someone for purposes of dating - it's hanging out for the purpose of having fabulous sex. The "dating rules" don't apply. If you want potential for a relationship - or for dating - you might try to backpedal after explaining to him that you feel things went too fast and you want to get to know him by getting together in public and doing activities. See how he responds. I should add that no one should chase in dating but I do believe the man should do more of the calling and asking (for dates that is) in the beginning. so if you end up going on dates, that is what I would do. Link to comment
SupaflyTNT Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 He knows you're interested because you're initiating the contact and having sex with him. However, you don't know if he's interested in you or the sex right now. You should allow him to start taking over more of the initiating contact. If he's interested in more than sex then he should be contacting you and asking you out on dates, not just coming over for a booty call (whether you talk for hours beforehand or not). I would recommend going on some dates and NOT having him back to your place for sex (or his place for that matter). Link to comment
Shalron Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 maybe contact him tomorrow for a casual lunch or something, just to show you want something, but also that you wont come accross as easy Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 maybe contact him tomorrow for a casual lunch or something, just to show you want something, but also that you wont come accross as easy I don't think subtlety/hints will work at this point - she's already established a pattern in the short time she's known him - he may go to lunch with her because that's just lunch and assume that the sex will be later. If she is comfortable enough letting him inside her body, she should be comfortable enough to explain that she wants to take a different direction from now on (which I think is what she wants, can't quite tell) Link to comment
Shalron Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 yeah but being to blunt can be like an out n out rejection. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 yeah but being to blunt can be like an out n out rejection. I think the time has passed for subtlety - I can't think of anything more blunt than having sex on the first night, then having sex again the next time/night - subtletly like that is fine for traditional dating/courting but it has no real place - it's almost funny -once you've gotten naked, twice, with a near stranger who you now want to "date." Nothing wrong with casual sex, I just think the OP is a bit in denial in thinking that this is akin to dating and that the traditional "rules" apply. Link to comment
honeybee Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 We didn't have sex on the first night we just kissed. Initially I figured just sex would be fine but now that I've met him sober I think he's a wonderful guy and really want to see more of him... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Yes - it is difficult to backpedal in these situations and you can't play the "ok you have to call because you're the boy if you want to date me" - that doesn't apply here where you chose to have sex right away and start this pattern of hanging out/hooking up - the subtlety will be lost on him and seem insincere without a direct talk. as mentioned if you're comfy having him inside your body and sharing fluids why not be comfy telling him how you feel now, on reflection? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 maybe contact him tomorrow for a casual lunch or something, just to show you want something, but also that you wont come accross as easy I don't think he has any interest in a casual lunch, or a regular date. After all, he's already had sex with you, as soon as you two met. I hate to say this, but if that didn't come accross as "easy," please tell me what is? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I agree with Batya. Doing the "whose turn is it to call" routine is a moot point because you have already slept with him twice (you may not have had sex but you still spent the night with pretty much a stranger in your bed). If you want a relationship out of this I think you need to talk to him and change the way this works...in other words going out on dates and not ending up spending the night with each other or having sex with each other. At this point you don't know if he just wants to see you when he feels like getting some action. Link to comment
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