Boyfriend suddenly religious?

[travelingcircle]

hi, im a new member here and joined mostly because i dont know how to deal with this relationship problem.

 

my boyfriend and i have been going out for about 6 months now. i would say many people would see him as the bad boy. he used to street fight and only have sexual relations with women. i would say im a innocent peaceful person, not a likely match. when we decided to go out, we decided to make the relationship the focus of lives. we wanted this to work. we are both in our 20's but recently our relationship became long distance (3 hours away). its hard between work and school and we often dont see each other. we do keep in contact all the time, phone calls and texting. when we do see each other, we value it. and i do believe we are both in love with one another. recently, we decided to have sex (within the last week). i was reluctant but i thought it would become part of our relationship. then a few days after i left that day, he explains he is dedicated to god. he says he is dedicated to our relationship and making it work but he is putting a lot of pressure on me. im an atheist but i respect his beliefs. i go to church with and such. he puts church before our relationship, he never swears, he insists on marriage, and no sex before marriage. this was not the guy i fell in love with. he has changed. im glad he is trying to improve himself but our morals and ethics are conflicting with mine to a point where i want to break up. how can i break up with him when i love him? why has he suddenly religious? we never see each other yet he would rather go to church but at the same time he seems desperate for making this work. he says he wants to fix his past. isnt it selfish to bring me into relationship where i have to pay for his mistakes? what am i supposed to do when he makes me unhappy yet i can barely live without him? help...

[Mythical_Suicide]

Seems in his mind he is bettering himself, which to a point is a good thing unfortunately you can't change him and it really isn't your place to try anyway. If you're so uncomfortable with the person he's become your choices are to either accept it or move on. I'm not sure where I am getting how he is selfish and trying to bring you in this relationship and making you pay for his mistakes? He has become religious, so what? How is that selfish?

 

If you're unhappy either find a medium ground to stand on or leave him.

[veneratio]

As painful as it is, sounds like you two need to go your separate ways. I have one set of friends where the guy is atheist, and his girlfriend is christian. I have no idea how they do it, but they respect each others beliefs and are dedicated to the relationship and each other.

 

You sound a lot like me when my ex was born again and started going to church. I felt as if she wasn't the same person and our morals weren't the same. It definitely conflicted. I didn't respect her beliefs and it led to friction in our relationship, which led to her breaking up with me.

 

Only he knows why he became religious all of a sudden..you'd have to ask him. For my ex and for myself..you want a promised life, you want to better yourself, and the faith religion brings.

 

He's just trying to better himself is all, it took me a long time to realize that's what my ex was doing. I felt the same way, that she changed, that I had to pay for her mistakes, that I was unhappy...but really I was being selfish and stubborn..

 

I'm not sure what you can do besides try to adjust.

[bartels]

Sometimes when people are in a crisis they find religion, and they use it as a sort of crutch, for support, because they have nothing left to fall back on.