TooInvlved1 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Has anyone here ever worked with an private investigator to check up on your SO? Did they turn up anything? How'd it turn out? Did you trust the info thy turned up - if anything? I thought I read somewhere on this forum that someone hired a PI to investigate (his wife?) but the PI couldn't find anything... Are cheating SOs that good? Or maybe in this case s/he was innocent? Link to comment
Loki71 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I have tought about it but have not done it. Guess I'm to scared of what they might find. Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I have never used one but I think if you're looking to hire one, chances are you already know the answer. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I have never used one but I think if you're looking to hire one, chances are you already know the answer. Well put BK. I have never thought of using one myself. Even though I had a close call with my spouse about 6 years ago. I fully trust him now. Link to comment
Abadabbadoo Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Years ago, an acquaintance worked in HR for a firm that routinely ran background checks on job applicants. Now, she was a bit wild-west with this, and more than occasionally ran checks on people who hadn't applied for jobs. She'd apparently been ripped off financially by a man she'd dated, and was on a campaign to protect other women. So she pulled information on a guy I'd met at a networking event who'd seemed keen on dating me. I'd met him for casual stuff a few times, and never asked her to get 411, had just said I wasn't buying some of his spin. Nothing really dirty came up, but knowing the full background on his home mortgage and having a list of half a dozen women who'd lived there in a decade made it easier to trust my gut when everyone else was saying "great guy!" Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 I used one, and found out all i needed to know and some thing i didnt need t know. Can you elaborate? Sorry...I haven't been here long enough to everyone's sitch... thanks... I have never used one but I think if you're looking to hire one, chances are you already know the answer. Not necessarily but I hear that if you suspect your SO, there's an 80-85% chance you're right... Or of all cheating cases PIs get, 80-85% of turn out to be actual cheating... Those might be 2 different statements...dont know. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 There is something that just doesn't sit right with me about using a PI. It is a major invasion of privacy, it is stalking, it is creepy. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 There is something that just doesn't sit right with me about using a PI. It is a major invasion of privacy, it is stalking, it is creepy. same here. It's your SO. Dealing with this one on one, as a team, is a great opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 what if your SO won't fess up? and you're not sure about the red flags? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 what if your SO won't fess up? and you're not sure about the red flags? If you still feel as if they are lying, I'd pull away from them. A private detective won't save your relationship. They'll either give you evidence that'll cause you to end it, or they find nothing and you still aren't convinced. A PI won't get rid of that nagging feeling. Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Yes! It's a nagging feeling... It won't go away... When I'm in a bad mood all these extreme fears come. When I'm in a good mood I think the fears are crazy and I don't believe them. But I don't know... Is it always this way? Is it my intuition? My sitch is a little complicated. Arent they all... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Yes! It's a nagging feeling... It won't go away... When I'm in a bad mood all these extreme fears come. When I'm in a good mood I think the fears are crazy and I don't believe them. But I don't know... Is it always this way? Is it my intuition? My sitch is a little complicated. Arent they all... Well, a PI won't make that nagging feeling go away. You'll worry that the PI missed something or that your SO is just good at hiding it. I think the best thing to do is to confront your SO. If things don't change, pull away. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Yeah. Confront that person. Although, if you're 80-85% sure, it might be time to start packing. Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 I'm not 80% sure...I'm much more conflicted/much less sure than that. I did ask him and he said he wasn't seeing anyone else. He seemed believable. But don't they all? In general he seems like a straight forward guy who just says what means and who doesn't talk when he doesn't want to answer, rather than lie. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Actually, trusting your partner is a good thing UNLESS they are untrustworthy. Sadly, many, many people lead dual lives and have affairs, and many engage in other shady and/or dangerous behavior (sex with prostitutes, gambling, drugs etc.) And there are many people who con other people. Something like one-third of all men advertising on dating websites are married and lying about it to obtain sex with other women. So there are really times when it does make sense to hire a P.I. I have known women whose husband's were cheating, including 2 women whose husband's were cheating with the woman's best friend (and they had a child together which they tried to pass off as the best friend's husband's child), and another whose husband had a child with his paramour of 5 years during the marriage. Both men were swearing love and loyalty to their spouses while engaging in years long affairs, including children with their mistresses. One of the men was transferrng marital assets to the mistress in anticipation of leaving the wife eventually. So in some cases, especially if you are a woman with assets, it pays to check out any guy you intend to blend your life with. And if you are married and seriously suspect the husband of having an affair, it can pay to check that out too. Many times once they know you are onto them, they continue to lie and go underground, and can even transfer assets offshore where you can't get to them. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I've done it when they won't admit to cheating and I have a suspicion they are. It keeps me healthy and safe. If they put your health in jeopardy, hey, the gloves are off! Got some great pics of them at the hotel. I believe the term is "red handed". Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 wow thats is so hectic. What did they say when u presented them with the photos? Did u know the other person they were seeing? Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 I've done it when they won't admit to cheating and I have a suspicion they are. It keeps me healthy and safe. If they put your health in jeopardy, hey, the gloves are off! Got some great pics of them at the hotel. I believe the term is "red handed". So you've had multiple SOs followed? What were the red flags that made you suspicious to begin with? Have you ever suspected someone, had them followed but the PI came up with nothing? Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 OP, what are the red flags u are picking up? What is your SO doing to make u suspicious? Link to comment
TooInvlved1 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Hi, I'll PM you later OK? It's long... Link to comment
Rabican Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 A PI might give you the evidence you need not to get ruined in a divorce if your wife is sleeping with her boss though. At the point where you hire a pi your relationship is probably gone... but maybe you can still salvage your wallet. I would probably end my relationship long before I felt I needed a PI, but I can see how some people would just 'want to be sure' that they werent making a mistake, or had a wrong gut instinct. Imagine if you ended your marriage because you thought they were cheating, and turned out you were wrong Link to comment
tangi39 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I don't think it wise to use a PI UNLESS you have rational reasons to suspect your spouse of cheating. Honesty is always best and I think it only repsonsible to first confront your partner. But if there are tell tale signs- Out late with excuses, excessive spending of money, loss of sex, any real reason to suspect when major things change. Then I think it is fine to hire a PI as you may be in real danger )losing assets, contracting a disease, child endangerment and the list goes on. I do agree that gut instincts are usually correct and So many people think they are being sly about their affairs when in fact they are not. I do believe more often than not people realize their partner is being unfaithful and just need solid proof in case they go to court. But, you know, if there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to fear. And if the spouse wouldn't be honest when confronted- they shouldn't be mad if their spouse finds out through other means. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 PI's are mostly used in divorces to confirm adultry and give reason for divorce as well as leverage for the non cheating party in things like custody, asset division, alimony. I used to work in a domestic law firm. We used them frequently. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Here is another reason... STD's. We, like many couples, after years together had un-safe sex. If they are cheating they are putting you at huge risk, evan lethal risk. I have come to find out, quite sadly that my ex was unfaithful several more times than I thought, with several different partners as well, before we broke up. Did not need PI for that, just an honest and caring co-worker that was angered by her choices and actions. Sets you back a bit... Link to comment
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