EVERYTHING sucks even harder now!!!

[CynicalGuitarist]

ARGH! Just when I thought that things wouldn't get worse...

 

I'm tired of all the bullcrap life is throwing at me ceaselessly. Every single day I wake up, I feel as if it's one more day fighting a losing battle. One more day that's nothing more than a celestial chore. One more day that's just gonna be spent working and making money (but of course, not enough of it).

 

I'm trying hard to find a second job so I can afford rent on a studio apartment in a not-so-ghetto neighborhood (because I'm a useless bag of bones that can't even fight) 'cause my mom is moving even further away from the city ('cause she hates the "noise"... she's a 52 year old woman who acts like she's 72). I don't wanna move to the cowtown with her 'cause it'll just dig me even deeper into my current situation. I'd be so bored, I'd go back to smoking weed and wanna get so high, Cheech and Chong would tell me not to party so hard.

 

I hate finding a second job. My brother lied to me that there's tons of jobs on Craigslist and it's sooooooooooooooooooooooo easy to get a second job. What the hell does HE know; he's good at everything under the sun anyways... People just like to blame me for things 'cause it's easier than trying to understand my current situation. UGH! Minimum wage disgusts me... it's like you need 2 or 3 jobs to even keep up rent on a PoS studio apartment where you have maybe 25 square feet between the front door and the bathroom! I already have a buttload of expenses (car insurance, rent, gas, groceries, phone bill) which my puny check I bust my balls for BARELY covers! It's all gone by the time I get my next paycheck, too.

 

Sure, I can try to go to back to college, but I'd be stuck in an even bigger money pit and my soul would become even more embittered trying to deal with the "Like highschool but slightly more matured" crap of junior college AND a soul crushing physical labor job that I barely hold onto, day by day. Plus, I tried putting my spin on things in some of my classes, and all the professors did was either ignore me or tell me it's all a bunch of BS. So much for the "intelligent debate" and "non-bias" of college!

 

I'm extremely imbittered. I don't even HAVE good days anymore... I have maybe good hours... but always bad or worse days. I'm sick of this. Even though I blame myself for slacking abit, I know my summer's gonna be gone with the wind... spending all my time when I'm not working turning in job applications and being turned down by more fake, pompous, pretentious, judgemental, glad-handed interviewers/management. Well SCREW THEM! SCREW THEM IN THEIR EARS!! THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH TO TRY AND PLEASE THEIR UN-FAULTY SELVES SO I CAN MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HAVE SOME SPACE TO CALL MY OWN FOR ONCE! BUNCHA SNOBBY KNOW-IT-ALLS!

 

Go ahead, blame me. I'll take it all. 'Cause obviously, I'm just a dumb kid who made bad decisions who is delusional enough to wanna be a great vocalist yet can barely even scrape by check to check. Not to mention trying to forget a huge crush one someone I have no chance in hell with (I'm failing miserably at that, too) and dealing with all the other crap that comes with moving. I'll take all the blame everyone gives me 'cause I'm not good enough for anything else in this life... other than a crap-load of blame and guilt and regret that would've killed me long ago if it weren't for my big dreams of becoming a famous singer in an amazing band. Pessimistic yes, but I guess as they say "truth is a hard pill to swallow"

 

I keep wishing, every time I go to bed, that some freak illness kills me in my sleep. I wouldn't wake up. I wouldn't have to deal with anything more in this material world. No more bills. No more love. No more pain. No more hate. No more politics. No more fear. I wouldn't miss anybody. Nobody would miss me. I'd be dead. Grey. Neutral. Finally at peace with the chaos of the universe.

 

And PLEASE don't go on about how I'll be in "hell". This world is hell. I don't need no fundamentalists telling me there's anything worse.

 

Ugh. Gag me.

[Russ]

For the first time ever, my answer isn't going to the gym.

 

It's finding a job that suits you. Don't just apply for random minimum wage jobs. You've got music experience? USE IT. Apply at guitar shops, music stores, etc. Most of the time, you sit on your ass anyway. This allows you to read about things like stocks.

 

And trust me, if you get into stocks, you'll be able to afford a tiny studio apartment in a not-so-ghetto area of town.

 

Take it a step at a time. Prioritize what makes your life worst, and concentrate on that. If you think a girlfriend will make you waking up each morning worthwhile, concentrate on it. If you think it's money, an okay job, etc, concentrate on that.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Don't just apply for random minimum wage jobs. You've got music experience? USE IT. Apply at guitar shops, music stores, etc. Most of the time, you sit on your ass anyway. This allows you to read about things like stocks.

 

I have no CHOICE but crappy minimum wage jobs. Music is my LIFE (as cliche as it sounds), but the only thing that counts as experience in this world is things like school. Damn near every single music store and guitar shop requires an assload of prior sales experience anyways (which I don't have) and the folks at Guitar Center hate me anyways 'cause I apparently wore out my welcome there.

 

And how do you know I sit on my ass all day? I don't! I already work a thankless, tiresome romp where I get paid jack for doing all sorts of things nobody would do if given the choice. Unfortunately, I don't have the luck nor the funds to even TRY with the stock market.

[CaptainPlanet]

Just go to college and conform, it works. Study music/education become music teacher, tutor music part time, play music if music is your life or join an army band.

 

You always have the choice and ability to go where money is.

 

I am sure you can find something paying better than min wage.

[kevinm]

OP, none of the external factors changing in your life will allow you to be happy. What I read in your post is entitlement. Stop messing around and get working. You're 20 years old, you'd be lucky if you were REALLY good at one thing, even luckier if you were employeed doing what you love AND getting paid for it. If you want a new job you should be applying to every damn job that's even remotely promising. Look not only specifically at the job, but also the company. Perhaps the company has greater opportunities a little further down the line. You might start off as a gofer and end up a manager. But the thing is, no one is going to hand you money or success.

 

You're best to realize now the frustration you feel is misdirected energy. Steer that energy into something else. Stop trying to control every facet of life... that only sets you up for disappointment when your plans fail.

 

Life is like sailing. You can keep buying better boats, you can increase your skill in sailing. But, you cannot control the wind or water.

 

-Kevin

[CynicalGuitarist]

Just go to college and conform, it works. Study music/education become music teacher, tutor music part time, play music if music is your life or join an army band.

 

You always have the choice and ability to go where money is.

 

I am sure you can find something paying better than min wage.

 

"non-conformity" is not necessarily a choice. Even if I wanted to fit into this world, I can't. It's just not who I am. Sure, I can try changing the things I do, but I can't change who I am. Changing what I do is merely calming a symptom. If I were to die, or could be someone else, that would be a potential cure.

 

OP, none of the external factors changing in your life will allow you to be happy. What I read in your post is entitlement. Stop messing around and get working. You're 20 years old, you'd be lucky if you were REALLY good at one thing, even luckier if you were employeed doing what you love AND getting paid for it. If you want a new job you should be applying to every damn job that's even remotely promising. Look not only specifically at the job, but also the company. Perhaps the company has greater opportunities a little further down the line. You might start off as a gofer and end up a manager. But the thing is, no one is going to hand you money or success.

 

You're best to realize now the frustration you feel is misdirected energy. Steer that energy into something else. Stop trying to control every facet of life... that only sets you up for disappointment when your plans fail.

 

Life is like sailing. You can keep buying better boats, you can increase your skill in sailing. But, you cannot control the wind or water.

 

-Kevin

 

You think I don't look for every single little damn job out there? Christ, I had at least 20 interviews before I got my current job, and turned in god knows how many job applications. Job, company... makes no real difference. You have no damn clue on how hard I even worked to get that crappy job; how many miles I put on my car, how many times I've been so low on gas I rode my bike to try and get a job. Do you THINK I want to be handed success or money? Shows how little you know about me. I simply want a friggin break... someone to take a chance with me. However, I can't even get that. I don't blame all those interviewers for turning me down, I'm a right-brain thinker in a sea of left-brainers. I just dont fit in, I understand that.

 

If my life is gonna suck this hard, at the bare minimum, I should at least be able to be disgruntled without judgemental, armchair self-help gurus harping on me left and right. Oh well, life sucks anyways, much less is it fair.

 

My apologies.