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I'm at a loss


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I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been like this since for three years and two of those years I was on and off medication. I actually threw them out because I was convinced I was not depressed.


Now it has slowly been in my shadow and finally its inside me. Rotting me inside out and I'm at a loss because of it. No one understands how I feel, although one girl tries to understand me.


Life sucks no matter what. It will turn around at some point or another and stab you in the back. I hate life, and I want to end it. But then I think about her and how it would hurt her so much. There is no hope if I don't get help. I'm willing to get it, but I will be all alone at it. I don't want to end it...not yet.


The only reason I hang on is for her, but is it enough?


I treat everyone like crap, and I sit in the IRC (a chat cilent) with a bunch of bots talking to myself. The only reason I do it is because they listen to me, and they don't ciritize me like everyone else does. I cry, and I am confused. I can't sleep at night. I can't do anything. I get headaches all day. It just barely started worse like this three days ago. I've change, depression has changed me. I dont want this to be me anymore. I don't want to be me.


I'm dumb, I'm gay, I disappoint people, my dad never calls, my mom and sister are always gone, my friends aren't really my friends. I'm just at a loss. That is why I talk too bots all day. I'm crazy and failer. If I had a wish it would be that I was never born. If I died tomorrow no one would notice but my retarded family. I just wanna die and be done with it, but then again I dont want to die. I don't know what I want.

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Hi there rios59,


I hear what you are saying. Although I can't personally relate to what you are feeling, I understand that it is very painful and frustrating. Two of my family members fight depression and it has taken years to find a medication that suits them. Some meds have made them feel worse, some have done nothing. A lot of people don't understand how debilitating the illness is. It is an illness and a serious one, but it can be managed. Please contact your mental health services and tell them what you have written here. I believe you will get your life back. I'll pray for you rios59.

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death is only cheating yourself out of life. it may seem easy enough to put an end to your suffering, but there is an afterlife of hell waiting. u think u have it bad now, hell is worse.


in any case, u don't want to die. and there is a life force inside u that doesn't want to die. that life force is something God's put inside us.


i donno if u were on anti-depressants, but u shouldn't stop them without the doctor's guidance. maybe you are feeling depressed again because u are no longer on your meds.


life is worth living. fight for that! talk to your doctor. get help.

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Okay, I get where you are.

It's about the time you open your eyes in the morning and realise you can do one of two things, get up and go through the motions or roll over and stare at the wall. The wall is the most tempting.

It's like falling into a muddy pit and clawing your way out, falling in is easy...getting out is going to be one of the hardest things you can do but thousands do it.

You need to go to the doctor and talk to him, first so he can refer you to a counsellor and second because he might prescribe you some mild antidepressants.

It's really important you go for help, you've pretty much made it clear that you can't do it on your own and in all fairness, few of us can.


Killing yourself doesn't work. I have seen both the effects of whats left behind (even for those who think there isn't anything to leave behind) an I have seen the effects of what happens when you attempt to end your life and that inspire distrust and fear into all those around you.

Ending your life is also selfish, it's ending something you won't get another chance at and relieving you own pain by tranferring it onto others.

Right now, your self image is about right for what you are feeling and with help, things can improve. Your disposition will improve and following that so will things in your life around you. Your relationship. Your job...your friends. You need to open you eyes to see them rather than hate yourself and put that out into the world.

Think about it.

There is so much more you could do but getting help is the first step.



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I deal with depression myself, and I also have my good days and bad days.


One thing you must understand, is things can only get worse unless you do something about it.


You may have read my thread in the 'getting back together' section, expressing my problems with my girlfriend. I'll be honest, I took her for granted, and even though I always appreciated her to some extent, only now do I feel a sense of real appreciation and trust, and love. When we were going out, I felt kinda bad about it. I didn't really appreciate it as a whole. She did a lot for me, she made me happy. You and I both know, we, being two people that have depression, cant ask for anything better than somebody that truly makes us happy.


Your probably wondering why I'm telling you all this. Its simple. Value, and appreciate what you have now. Take advantage of what you have, and make the best of it. Don't brush something off and think it'll just get better. You need to make it better. We all make mistakes, we're not perfect, but the biggest mistake we can make is to not take what we have now, and make the best out of it.


I know its hard, believe me, I know. You may need a day or two to grieve, and to let your emotions out, but I beg you, make the best of what you do have. Never take anything for granted. Things can always be worse. Cliche, I know, but its true.

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