AnonymousMG Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Sorry if this is confusing but I feel like I'm going crazy and need to get this out somewhere... I feel like there are two people in my head, there's the confident me who I want everybody to see and then there's the paranoid, depressed me who sits in the back of my mind and waits for things to be going well then throws tons of doubts at me and messes everything up. I just found out that one of my best friends, who I recently realized I had feelings for and asked out (and she said no) is thinking about moving to South Carolina. When she said that I felt like a boulder was dropped onto my stomach, I didn't know that I cared about her that much for it to hit me that hard that she might be leaving. On top of that, the "confident me" just made an ass out of himself with my friends trying to act cool and impress them. I've always been a "hopeless romantic" type and I kept to myself for the most part and was shy around new people. My goal for the next year was to change that, get out and meet new people, go to parties, etc. But I'm starting to think that I really can't handle that. I spent a month of this past semester barely ever leaving my dorm room, I didn't go to classes or anything and I wasted the entire semester because of it. Every time I try to do something to get to be a more confident and outgoing person something throws me back into the pit of my room and my head spins with what feels like a million thoughts at once. It takes me hours to fall asleep at night because I can't stop them from jabbing away at me pointing out every little flaw and potential worry. So here I am, talking to her online, telling her everything that is wrong except the one thing that is hitting me the most, which is that she may be gone soon. I would miss her so much, she actually understands what I'm going through, everybody else I talk to about it I feel like I'm a burden to them but she knows what I mean. I don't want to tell her how I feel about her going because I don't want her to feel like she's making things worse for me. She is an amazing person and doesn't need me creating any stress about leaving. Why do I fall for every girl I have even the slightest feelings for? sorry for the rambling... -AMG Link to comment
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