I give up

[winter whiteout]

I am so tired. I can't stop crying. I have no one to talk too. I am a woman in her 40's and I wish I did not have to go on. There is not one aspect of my life that is worth living. My newly ex husband left me 2.7 years ago and I received my divorce decree in the middle of May. He just married the woman he left me for last week. I have been through therapy and a support group for it and I have accepted that he has left. I just don't have a life to move on to. I have high moral standards and I did not date one person while we were separated. Now I am free and men are not attracted to me. They act weird around me and it does not matter how friendly I am. I don't want to go on about this because it is not my only focus. I am working but barely making ends meet. I have a painful condition called RSD that prevents me from being able to go out and do the things I used to love before my accident in 1999. I am alone 90% of the time that I am outside of work. I go and see my parent's and siblings about once or twice a month but no one comes out to see me (I am half hour away from them) I have a few friends but they have busy lives and no time to see me. So is this all there is for me? Going to work to just be able to survive but I am in so much pain from my condition that I can't do a lot of things anyway. Just go to work and come home alone for the rest of my life. I wanted to join a local singles group but it cost money and they do a lot of activties that I can't do anyway. I have looked into EVERYTHING you can think of to try to survive in this miserable world and I am so tired and can't do it anymore. I am not successful, am barely surviving, in pain all of the time and no man will ever want me as is. What is there to live for?

[Iris-PJ]

Find a passion, beyond the romantic, beyond what society tells you you need to be happy (a man), beyond the hurt, beyond the stress... there has to be something you enjoy doing, it can be far fetched, silly, serious ... what is it? and do that. Think of this time in your life as a time to relearn how to be single and FREE, do what you want for yourself and no one else.

 

Maybe volunteer? Start your own singles club? Become that artist or musician you know is lurking in there...

 

Forget all those insecurities ... aside from wanting companionship, what else do YOU want for yourself?

[Anotherday]

Wow, I can so relate to you, as I'm almost in the same boat. I am in my late 40s, single, no children, divorced for years, no BF, no job, oh and no friends where I live, rarely have any sort of contact with my family, only my parents and they are VERY old. I might exchange emails with my oldest brother 4 times a year. I can't tell you how many holidays I've spent alone, but after 10 years, I am getting used to it. The only thing I can say is to hang in there. Things CAN change. I do feel for you as in the pain you experience all of the time. I don't have the physical pain but I do deal with severe depression and have my whole life, which is a different kind of pain. I don't even hold out hope for a decent man.

 

At any rate, please do feel free to PM me anytime. You are not alone. I don't check in here often, but if you want to talk, I'll check in more frequently.

 

Hugs

[winter whiteout]

You must not have read everything I said. I CAN'T go out too much outside of work because of my painful condition. I have to rest to be able to go to work. I have to do everything my self which is fine in a normal circumstance but physically I can't. I do have other passions and I did not say a man was the only thing I was upset about. I said EVERYTHING. I am scared for my future and so hurt on the inside. I am SICK of uncompassionate people that have everything going for them give me the old generic advice that everyone says.

[winter whiteout]

Thank you Anotherday I just might PM you. I will say a prayer for you.

[Anotherday]

Please do PM me. Maybe we can help each other! I'll say a prayer for you too.

[Iris-PJ]

You must not have read everything I said. I CAN'T go out too much outside of work because of my painful condition. I have to rest to be able to go to work. I have to do everything my self which is fine in a normal circumstance but physically I can't. I do have other passions and I did not say a man was the only thing I was upset about. I said EVERYTHING. I am scared for my future and so hurt on the inside. I am SICK of uncompassionate people that have everything going for them give me the old generic advice that everyone says.

 

I did not mean to misunderstand or misread what you wrote and I certaintly did not mean what I said in any offensive manner, nor that I have it all figured out, I just wanted to offer some helpful words.

 

I have been depressed for 2 years now, and I just feel for you. What kept me going was my desire to create and be creative (not that I am good at it, but I enjoy it)... I am young and should have it all "working out" for me, but sadly it's not the case... single, living with parents, lonely, jobless . etc..

 

 

I am sorry I could not help.

 

I wish you all the best.

take care,

 

-PJ

[Anotherday]

You must not have read everything I said. I CAN'T go out too much outside of work because of my painful condition. I have to rest to be able to go to work. I have to do everything my self which is fine in a normal circumstance but physically I can't. I do have other passions and I did not say a man was the only thing I was upset about. I said EVERYTHING. I am scared for my future and so hurt on the inside. I am SICK of uncompassionate people that have everything going for them give me the old generic advice that everyone says.

 

I'm really scared for my future too. And I don't put too much stock in a man either. I'll tell you something I usually would never disclose on an Internet forum. For over four years now all I've wanted to do is to drive to this lake an hour from my house. Due to my phobias, I just haven't been able to do it. So, in a sense I feel like a prisoner in my own house, even though all I have to do is to walk out the door, get in my car and drive. I know there are people who will never "get it" and I leave them by the wayside, as until one walks in my shoes they will never understand. I've accepted that.

[nuttybuddy]

hi winter,

 

i hope what i say won't offend u. i can see u r quite bitter. u r right in that all that you've described would suck the joy out of living life. but life isn't about being happy here on earth. we all have an end. death is something each of us experience alone. and there is no exception to that. no matter how rich, or how healthy, or how happy one lived on earth, eventually we all meet the same common end--being death. so then the question is, why are we even living? what is the point? what is the purpose of life?

 

and the answer to that is there is a God. there is a life beyond this world. that is the hope that we have when we believe in Jesus as our savior. saved us from what? saved us from our sins. this world is fallen. no one can come to God as a sinner.

 

so why this travesty to u and not others? why this injustice to u, u may think? why the holocaust? why innocent people dying? why slaves in bondage for hundreds of years? so many whys. God has a purpose. We may not know it fully yet, but God is a good God. He merely asks us to trust in Him and trust that He is good.

 

When we are lifted out of these clothing of flesh, we will be given new bodies, pure, and whole. We may not know the exact reason why we suffer now, but there is a purpose. Our souls are continuing to be molded and shaped even here on earth for eternity.

 

I usually refrain from talking about religion, but something made me want to share my belief with you. Perhaps, God intends to work in you. Perhaps, it's something someone needed to read. Anyway, I hope u find joy in the hope everlasting. And believe that there is a purpose for you in this lifetime. Pray that God shows u what that may be. I will pray for u as well.