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my suicide


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i cant fight anymore, im finished....going far away where no one will ever find me, somewhere where ppl cant stop me.....

 

i tried to kill the pain

but only brought more

i lay dying

and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming

am i too lost to be saved

am i too lost?

 

do you remember me

lost for so long

will you be on the other side

or will you forget me

i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming

am i too lost to be saved

am i too lost?

 

my wounds cry for the grave

my soul cries for deliverance

will i be denied Christ

tourniquet

my suicide

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deep breaths ... calm down...

 

I am with you too on this Friday evening.

 

 

But before you contemplate and carry out any of your plans, can you do something for me and yourself? Write a letter to the people that have changed your life for the good, it can be a farewell type letter, but write it only as if you were moving to another country for good. Tell them what you feel and felt for them, what they meant to you, memories of them you will always keep, things you would have wanted to share, do and experience with them if only there was more time. Write all your stored up feelings and hidden secrets, doesn't matter if it takes up pages and pages. Please write these, then save them and read them the morning after you finish them.

 

Please do this for yourself and take care.

I also welcome you to PM me.

 

You are not as alone as you think and suffering is optional and only one option, I know how hard it can be to see past it.

 

-PJ

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i cant live like this anymore - ive fallen for the last time - i cant get up anymore, i cant fight anymore, im finished......

 

It sounds to me like you'd like to be out of that bottomless pit - how can we do that for ya?

 

How about making an appointment with a therapist, just to talk things over, get an alternative perspective on things?

 

How about making some plans for the future, what things used to give you inspiration? Try to find some enjoyment in things you used to love, old friends, certain books and films? spending time with animals?

 

Can you identify exactly what it is in your life that you hate? Your job? your age? your family? your self? These can all be worked through.

 

It sounds to me like its worth trying to get this fixed. It sounds to me like you are suffering from a very serious illness - depression. Its not your fault. It could be as simple as a hormone imbalance in the frontal cortex of the brain affecting your mood, and a quick course of medication, like antibiotics can lift that glaze for you! It might be that you need to talk and work through the issues that triggered this depression for you, in therapy! Thats not so bad. Just seeking an alternative perspective, i have huge respect for anyone who seeks therapy. There is no need to feel this bad every day, apart from anything else its not healthy! And you deserve better. you're 19. You've got so much to experience yet. ITs gonna be ok.

 

Your body is still in mourning, and i can understand why. You've been through a heck of a lot in less than a year. But you mustn't feel guilty. Its not your fault. you were just a child still and you couldn't have prevented her getting sick. Try to remember how much she loved you. And how proud of the sweet girl she raised she'd be today. Go out there and make her proud. Its ok to feel weak. Its ok to be tired and not think you can go on. But you can. you got by this year didn't you, that shows you have strength, and i bet she is guiding and helping you along the way. dead does not mean gone, imo.

 

Reply yeh, so we know you are ok.

 

girl friend xx

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