Do friends do this?

[Pivoine]

I like my best friend. Shortly after we met, we had sex. But he slept with his ex and left me « in order not to hurt me ». That was 10 months ago. However we love to spend time together and we even went recently on holydays (just he and me). We shared the bed some nights and, although nothing happened, we cuddled, caressed each other and hugged : basically as if we were a couple but without the sex.

 

Now he started dating another girl and he tells me he is not sure because he does not have time for her and they barely see each other. He meets me everyday and phones me at work two or three times per day. When I am gone, he asks me to go to the chat and comes to pick me up when I return.

 

A while ago (just after he dumped me) I told him I still liked him, but he said he was not yet prepared for a relationship and he wanted to keep me as a friend. Now I tell him I see him as a friend, but I know it is not true. I am not sure whether I should tell him the truth because I dont want to put pressure on him if now he is starting to fall for me.

 

My question is : do you think these situations can happen if two people are just friends ? Is it possible that he is starting to se me as more than a friend ?

[Tethys]

It's possible, but from what you have written, I don't think that's the case here. Sounds like he cares about you a lot -- like a best friend -- but not romantically.

[flor12241]

It's possible, but from what you have written, I don't think that's the case here. Sounds like he cares about you a lot -- like a best friend -- but not romantically.

 

Do men cuddle, hug and sleep together with female friends they are not romantically attracted to? I cannot imagine myself doing this with a man I see just as a friend. Is this different for some men?

[agent1607307371]

Do men cuddle, hug and sleep together with female friends they are not romantically attracted to?

 

Yes, to women they are physically attracted to.

 

And some to those they aren't either, just because they want the attention more.

 

 

He's playing with you. No matter how much he likes you, he just doesn't like you enough.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, to women they are physically attracted to.

 

And some to those they aren't either, just because they want the attention more.

 

 

He's playing with you. No matter how much he likes you, he just doesn't like you enough.

 

 

Yep, I agree. Certainly people who have the FWB setup also cuddle, hug and sleep together. It has nothing to do with emotional love...it has to do with the comfort of a warm body.

[littlestar]

Looks to me like he is sending mixed singals and doesnt know what he wants. Guard your heart.

[Weeblie]

Or how about this...he likes you, but since you haven't established any sort of boundaries or challenges for him, he will continue to be your overly friendly friend.

 

As I see it, you have a couple of options:

 

a. tell him how you feel and possibly freak him out

b. get more physical with him and risk becoming a fwb

c. cut back on the time you spend with him, possibly start dating someone else and let him bring up the topic of a relationship

 

Personally, I'd go with C, throw in some flirting here and there, stop being so gosh darn available (he's not a boyfriend!), and make it clear that other men find you desirable and just might snatch you away from him. If it doesn't work out, at least you're meeting people.

 

Telling him how you feel is pretty risky and it's only something I'd do if I really knew the person well and was ready to deal with the possible rejection.

[Pivoine]

c. cut back on the time you spend with him, possibly start dating someone else and let him bring up the topic of a relationship

 

Personally, I'd go with C, throw in some flirting here and there, stop being so gosh darn available (he's not a boyfriend!), and make it clear that other men find you desirable and just might snatch you away from him. If it doesn't work out, at least you're meeting people.

.

 

Easier said than done. I stayed five days without seeing him (on purpose) and I was dying. He phoned everyday and when we finally met again, he said: I missed you so much! it looked like a month!

 

Of course I was happy, especially when then he wanted to go on a short trip during the weekend. He told me that he could bring someone (it’s a work-related trip) and he thought of me. “I know you are not my gf, and you are not only a friend (I don’t know what he meant with this) but I think they should be fine if you came and I would love it.”

 

It hurts saying no to him for no reason and telling him to go with his gf, who he had not invited in the first place.

 

How do I handle all this? Should I just explain to him that I still do like him and thereforeee I cannot see him anymore?

[volpe]

I think if he makes an ambiguous statement like "you are not only a friend" you should ask him what he means. Don't wonder, just ask him, then you will know. Friends don't do what he is doing but he definitely is not trying to be your bf and it sounds like that is what you want... so I would say you might want to be honest with him. Tell him you want to be his gf and he doesn't want that so you need some time alone. And withdraw. If he changes his mind and pursues something then great. If not, then you can move on!

[strawberry]

its possible! thats how my boyfriend and I came together.....friends ONLY....then partners

[Pivoine]

Tell him you want to be his gf and he doesn't want that so you need some time alone. And withdraw. If he changes his mind and pursues something then great. If not, then you can move on!

 

Thanks Volpe,

I was at a concert last night and he wanted to meet me although he was with his gf. I told him I would prefer not to meet the two of them but half an hour later he appeared alone, after bringing his gf home.

 

I then told him I was not comfortable with the situation because on one hand I was not in a romantic relationship with him, but on the other hand we were always together and thereforeee I was not able to move on with my life. I explained to him how I was feeling and asked him for some time alone in order to move on.

 

He was very sad (he hugged me very strong and for one minute we were there and it felt so good, really!) and told me he was not sure about anything. He did not love his gf and would like to be with me instead, but he was scared and did not know what he wants and did not want to hurt me.

 

Do you think if a person loves you there is space for doubts? What is happening to him? What he told me sounds honest, but I feel so bad now. Don’t know if I did the right thing: I hope so.

 

Its hard to lose a friend because of love.