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So, this is what I am reduced to cleaning my house on christmas day. I feel so mouch pain, but I can't call her. I am at the bottom of the barrel and can't even look up. She will not call me even to wish me a happy christmas. Yes, I love her even though we weere not together long enough for love. I don't know why I let my fall so quickly, but I did and now I must face the pain alone. NO body seems to care, except a few friends but they are busy with their holiday lives. So, I am reduced to cleaning up my house to try to keep my mind off her. When we were together, we had a great relationship. I do not know what went wrong. We never fought or even argued. We were extremely compatible. Even when we got back together for a weekend, she snuggled up into my arms and said this feels right. Then, her life blew up in her face. She had a child run away, heat broke in her house, and she gets very depressed around christmas. I know I am just babbling on here, but I do not want to bring my friends down on christmas day. So I came in here and babble to you guys. I do not want her to know that I miss her so very much. I just want to feel her in my arms again. I know, she might come around or she won't. I can go on but right now, I do not know if that is truly what she wants. She has alot of stress from children, an exhusband, christmas, and as she put it her life in general. I contacted her five days ago just to say hi and see how she was feeling and she even replied that she was ok and happy birthday, which I thanked her for. But she just won't call me and tell me anything. I have asked for closure and when we did talk closure was not what I got. She told me that she had a lot going on right now and that christmas was a bad time of year for her. I know this is long on the babble side, but I just needed to talk to somebody and no one is around for me to talk to here.

 

P.S. I am too old to be going through this pain. But I must endure this pain for the future with whomever it may be with.

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Neallo,

I wish you a Merry Christmas, and we are here... although it's only virtual, I assure you that I listened to your post. I read it, and I am your friend on this holiday. We are always here to listen, and sometimes just venting to complete strangers can do wonders for you.

 

I think you are right in not contacting her just yet. She knows you're there, and I'm sure she knows you think of her often. Just take heart in the fact that you may be by yourself, but you are not alone this holiday. You are FAR from alone. Everyone goes through heartbreak, and I've felt this pain three years ago at Christmas. The thing to remember is that the pain is temporary. Time heals, and the next year I was happy at the holiday time.

 

One thing I suggest, you call up some friends! Get your mind off of your ex, and go have dinner at one of your friend's houses! I'm sure they'd be glad to see you on the holiday! Don't dwell over this today, just be happy for your health and friends... the rest will fall into place with time

 

Happy Holidays to you and to all

S.A.M.

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I'm very sorry to hear you're having such a hard time on this particular day, and all of our thoughts are with you. As you've said though, she has a lot going through her mind, and may not be able to cope with one more thing. That's not necessarily a bad thing against YOU, just how she deals with things in general. Don't let her being overwhelmed overwhelm YOU. She may very well come around after the pressure of the holidays and trying to get her life in order.

 

I would suggest visiting friends/family today, and making the most of YOUR holiday. Try not to dwell on what she's doing/her motives, etc., just try to enjoy the day with the ones who love you and who you love. Give her some time-she may just need to get through this in her own way. Give her a call tomorrow and ask her casually how her Xmas was, if she had a good day, etc. But remember, you're NEVER alone.....even though we're faceless, nameless people on here, we still care that you're facing this holiday alone, and wish you the best to get through it.

 

Mar

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I ended up cleaning my house too on Christmas morning, for the same reasons. Didn't have to be at my parents till 1pm and once the kids had opened their pressies, there didn't seem much else to do and my mind started wandering.

 

I had to do something, I kept picking up my cell phone to sms him but knew it was wrong - NO CONTACT. I was hoping he would contact me, but knew he wouldn't.

 

Your friends would have been there for you I am sure. At times like these you need to have at least one friend who is there for you, someone who can listen, offer advice, then lift your spirits by making you laugh. If you are still in the same pain today, please contact someone and offload some of the pain, don't face it alone.

 

PM me if you need to vent/talk. Understand your not alone with these feelings. I am glad I found this forum and can see I am not the only one dealing with this pain, and that helps. For a long time I felt no one understood what I was going through.

 

Hang in there, we are all thinking of you.

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Well, Avman's right to an extent, but from what you've said, the breakup was due to personal issues she was having that didn't involve you (or you left those out). I would still suggest calling her tomorrow so she knows she's not alone in what she's going through, especially if Christmas is a hard time for her, and letting her know that you were thinking of her and wish her well. That way, she knows she has your support and you're not being obtrusive in your call. Let her know you're there if she needs a shoulder to lean on, and leave it at that. After THAT, I'd say no phone calls. From there, the ball is in her court to do with as she pleases.

 

Mar

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Well this is a case where us Moderators disagree. I believe that keeping the no contact going is the way to go. Although she may be going through a rough time, having you contact her and offer to help her allows her to have the best of both worlds. She doesn't have to have a relationship with you, and yet you are available as a crutch for her to get through the tough times. What incentive would she have to get back with you?

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I see where both of you are coming from and I appreciate this advice.

 

Avman there was never really any statement of "no aontact". She just stopped talking, because she said she had nothing to say. I sent her a message five days ago to see how she was doing and hoped she felt better and she replied that she was ok and wished me a happy birthday

 

Mar she said she was tired of my selfish needy bs.

I was not being needy but I was trying to be helpful and supporting to her

 

I do not know if she would welcome hearing from me and neither do I know if she does not want to hear from me

 

Now, you two see why I am going crazy.

 

I do not know what she wants or needs from me.

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Yes, I do see........I've gotten a little more info now, that clears it up a little. I'd side with Avman on this one then, if she was feeling that strongly about you being "needy." That's not something you want to portray, and if you don't contact her, she'll think you're not so needy after all. Give her a chance to stew for a bit and think about what she wants. "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" in some cases. Not all, but some. If she thinks you're that "needy", then prove you're not, and that (even if it's a bit of a lie) you're doing fine without her. Let her wonder what YOU'RE up to.

 

Mar

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Thanks

 

She just has me jumping over both sides of the fence

 

I don't know if she really meant that she was tired of my needy for her world had just blew up in her face and she was freaking out so I just do not know

 

You all have been so helpful today I really appreciate it

 

people say things thaat they do not mean when they are all stressed out.

 

I think I will let her wonder for awhile though and she if she contacts me

 

tired of keep checking phone though

 

turned text message alert off so now I check it eveery so often

 

Here's another curl to my web of pain:

 

My ex's mom is part of my circle of friends.

That is how I met my ex throughher mom.

She was jusst hanging with her mom one night and I asked her oout.

Well, my ex has told me (when we last talked) that the reason that she did not go up to my hang was not because she did not want to see me, but because of the stuff that happened the last time she was there( long story)

Well, she just might go and hang out with mom tonight, probably not, but what should I do if she goes to my hang out. She is not going to chase me out of there I have been going there 7yrs now and I would like to see her but don't want to weak.

What do I do if she goes there?

How do I keep my friends from over protecting her?

How do I keep her mom( who is my friend) out of my business?

 

By the way I think mom is the one that planted the seed in her mind that bloomed into the situation we are in now

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Neallo,

Very good idea to turn off the "alert"...

 

I have found myself tied to my phone, and I actually felt almost "handcuffed" to the hope that she would call. What's important is that you know if she makes an effort to contact you, you'll know. Maybe you won't get it in the first minute, but you will when you check later. Keep that in mind, because I've found myself wasting day after day... hitting refresh on my email; waiting by the phone... and finally realized that it was just plain silly. Live your own life too, and know that if she wants to, she will let you know.

 

Happy holidays again, and I wish you warmth and comfort.

S.A.M.

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