craig78 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Just a quick one and help from both genders would be great! I am 19 (student) and regularly go out to nightclubs and bars. I know I lack condfidence and rarely approach random women. I feel a little more confident being a bit older but I want to take it further. So I just have some questions for the guys and girls. Lads I'd like to know how some of you guys approach women when your out in the evening. -Techniques you have? -What do you say? -Where do you approach them? -What do you say to make them laugh? -How should I improve my confidence? Ladies: -Where do you like to be approached? -What do you like a guy to say to you? -What makes you laugh? -And also, how do you feel when a guy will start dancing with you on the dancefloor (e.g. puts hands on hips)? -How can you tell when a guy is confident? dont worry about answering them all! any help is appreciated Thanks everyone x Link to comment
Bkoguy07 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Um... Normally I say hi and wave haha thats worked everytime. Most of the time if I'm out somewhere its at the hotel or on the beach. I don't really have any jokes planned but being yourself always makes them laugh normally. Just talk to girls anywhere, you'll probably never see them again so its not a big deal if you get rejected. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Keep doing it. I was a very shy person and overtime I became unshy around women. But it takes alot of persistancy you will make mistakes and look like an idiot sometimes but over time it becomes pretty simple. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 What is your goal here? To make friends? To get laid? To kill some time? Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 well i am assuming you wanna get laid... or get a gf.. not make friends right?? i meet women everywhere, bars, grocery store, book store a good one, coffee place... you never know where your gonna run into someone you like.... pretty simple... i dont just go up to every attractive girl i see.... first i wait to see if they look at me... usally do.. just because i am 6,5 everyone at least looks once... but i wait to see which once look back over and over... and i pick out the one that i would like to get to know.. i will look smile and see what kind of reaction i get.... then i usally dont wait to long.. a min or two max... gotta be assertive and confident.. waiting around to long will make you look weak in there eyes.. i will walk up to her by herself or a group of girl or guys.. it doesnt matter.. the more people.. stronger youre gonna look.... and simply see hi.. and introduce myself... theres not one specifc thing you say to every girl... all girls and enviorments are different.. might talk about what is going on at the moment.. ask about her.. and make them laugh by remembering something that happened in the moment.. or something i can relate myself to her.. some girls i might hang out with for 5min if i dont see it clicking or i just dont like her personilaty or some girls might hang out all night..... just have a good time.. with no expections... and i will usally ask if they wanna go out sometime and exchange number... key is to just live in the moment.. who cares if she says no.. or you dont match.. just have fun.. do go out looking for women.. when your out in your envoirment with your friends or by yourself having a good time... women will be drawn to this.... Link to comment
poloplayer Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 i dont just go up to every attractive girl i see This is key. Talk with as many girls as possible throughout the day. This really builds up your confidence, and makes it 'natural' to speak with girls. Doesn't mean you have to pick each one up, but talk with as many as you can for practice. For me it happens throughout my day - doesn't matter if I am paying for gas, on a barstool, at the mall, in class, etc., name it. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 poloplayer... i know what youre talking about.. i was just telling him maybe pick your battles.... you dont want somebody with low confiendce going up 100girls and getting rejected by 99 of them this would hurt your confiendce even more.... but i agree with you practice makes better.. he should go up to as many people as possible to build his confedience.... but not all people are strong enough to handle being rejected... in a CONSTRACTIVE way.... i guess he needs to fig out if his one of this people... some people whatever doesnt matter and learn from it... some fall into more desspresion due to this... trust me i go up to alot of girls too.... but i dont need to go up to all of them.. its just to many girls to handle.... just this weekend i have 2 dates with 2 different girls... if i went up to everyone i would be on dates everyday lol..... its a little to much.. i pick my ventures... Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 -Techniques you have? 1.Look for a little longer at her than usual 2.Wait until she has spotted me 3.Continue looking in her eyes for a few seconds 4.Turn away 5.Once in a while I check if she's looking in my direction 5.1. If YES - read further... 5.2. If NO - start again with another one... -What do you say? Some funny comment about what she's doing at the moment - it's great if you manage to find something VERY funny in a situation where nothing seems to be funny - like the way she's holding her glass or something about the drink, or about the way she's looking at a picture, a person, almost everything around can be the base of your funny comment... (ok, don't do that if you see that she ain't in a good mood or don't get sarcastic, plus don't say things that she could misunderstand) -Where do you approach them? NOT at the Ladies room or while she's already talking with a guy friend or boyfriend - perhaps a good place is at the bar while she's either ordering something or sitting alone (actually those who often sit alone at bars are those who are there for the guys, they know that the possibility that somebody will approach her is much bigger there) -What do you say to make them laugh? Ask them a whole lot of questions and try to rememmber funny things that have happened to you - If she says something about boat trips you can tell her about some insane adventures you've had on boad trips, etc... But DO NOT START TELLING anecdotes!!! It's about making her laugh at the same time showing your personality, anecdotes are being told by boring guys who haven't done anything interesting... -How should I improve my confidence? You're the beast, not the prey!!! Just rememmber that anytime... Link to comment
zachiphus Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 -Techniques you have? 1.Look for a little longer at her than usual 2.Wait until she has spotted me 3.Continue looking in her eyes for a few seconds 4.Turn away 5.Once in a while I check if she's looking in my direction 5.1. If YES - read further... 5.2. If NO - start again with another one... Meh, I don't know, I think the better thing to do when you catch her eye is just to smile, if she smiles back, she is open to you meeting her. Then go up and say "Hey, my name's "x". And you are?" No lines and crap, just go say hi. You don't have to use fancy one-liners to show you have confidence, if you are a natural funny guy, the opportunities will present themselves during your conversation. Link to comment
craig78 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Yea i guess I am looking to get laid and meet a girl that could possibly become a girlfriend because sitting around at home wont find me one! Im also still a virgin and its really bugging me as it feels like I'm the last one out of my group of mates. I've just had my first year at uni and had no luck! unbelievable I dont want to go out looking and have taken on board what people have said about just going out to have a good time and meeting the girls will happen. Not to go out looking which makes you look desperate. Thanks for the help so far guys its all really useful stuff it makes it all sound so much simpler which it is! Any comments from the ladies point of view? Link to comment
MD Geist Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Yea i guess I am looking to get laid and meet a girl that could possibly become a girlfriend because sitting around at home wont find me one! Im also still a virgin and its really bugging me as it feels like I'm the last one out of my group of mates. I've just had my first year at uni and had no luck! unbelievable I dont want to go out looking and have taken on board what people have said about just going out to have a good time and meeting the girls will happen. Not to go out looking which makes you look desperate. Thanks for the help so far guys its all really useful stuff it makes it all sound so much simpler which it is! Any comments from the ladies point of view? Id say first wait till your done with high school first then go out to the club. By then you would have fine tuned on what you actually like from a woman, back in those days I used to like a certain kind of girl now it kind of disgusts me that "man was I for real?" things get better as you get older. 16 is very young and I remember back in that age I was also a virgin but I was also not a parent at the time. All my friends where parents! because they all wanted to get laid. Its not like your my age you still got a long ways to go. Link to comment
lv22irl Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Easiest thing to build confidence... Smile at a girl you find attractive walking down the street. Thats it. You would be surprised the power a smile has. Do it a bunch of times Link to comment
Carmine Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 -Techniques you have? 1.Look for a little longer at her than usual 2.Wait until she has spotted me 3.Continue looking in her eyes for a few seconds 4.Turn away 5.Once in a while I check if she's looking in my direction 5.1. If YES - read further... 5.2. If NO - start again with another one... You don't even need to wait for any kind of sign from her. Most girls don't give signs - they're so damn sneaky about their attraction! Think of it this way - you're a man. You have the right to approach any person on this earth whether they want you to or not. There's no law against approaching a woman who doesn't find you physically attractive. Link to comment
lucidloser Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Haha, gosh I love giving my opinion. Lets see... For this post, i'll pretend i'm single again... -Where do you like to be approached? First of all, I have to say. I'm not one for meeting guys at bars. In class, or outside the bars at least makes me feel a little better. At parties, etc, it's all fine. Bars make me much more uncomfortable because of their "drunken one night stand" vibes. But if I did happen to meet a guy at a bar, I'd like it if he maybe approached me innocently and asked me to dance, very politely and happy-like. Or just said a really nice friendly "hello" at the bar. A nice smile and look in the eyes helps, not a creepy body-staring person who is trying to act "cool". And if you DO get a girl to start dancing with you, be respectful and talk to her! Ask her a few questions about herself...trust me, this works. I NEVER dance with strange guys at bars, but this one boy did just what I said above, and it totally won me over. He just came up, smiled and asked me to dance, and when I said yes he was conversing with me and I just really loved that. Unfortunately, I had to go right after, but if not then I would have went back to his table with him and maybe even to a few more bars with him! And this is a big deal, because I NEVER just go with random guys. Wow that was long, okay... -What do you like a guy to say to you? Well, like above, first a nice hello would be good. After that just any normal questions would be okay like where do you go to school, work, are you out with your friends tonight, etc... Just a little tip, I like it when a guy introduces himself after he says at least one small thing... Like "Hello.. Did you see the band? Yeah they were good... I'm Mark! *holds out hand*" Stuff like that works well. Instead of "Hi, i'm Mark.............." Because then it's like you just threw yourself right into a "meeting" and now you have to make it work. I know i'm being really elaborate with this, but I figure anything might help! -What makes you laugh? Cheesy pick up lines are hilarious, as long as the guy uses them as a joke and laughs about it. I love guys who are just totally nonsensical. I like goofy guys, not into people who try and be too witty or sarcastic. I mean, it can be great and all, but not if they're not naturally like that. I'm most charmed by silly, random stuff. -And also, how do you feel when a guy will start dancing with you on the dancefloor (e.g. puts hands on hips)? I always get really uncomfortable and think it is lame and rude, if they come out of nowhere behind me and do it. Of course I know not all guys are trying to be pushy, but as soon as someone does this to me I start running through ideas in my head of how to get out of the situation. It may occasionally be a bit fun for a few minutes, if i'm really drunk. But i'll avoid him afterwards. -How can you tell when a guy is confident I can tell when a guy is confident if I see him laughing with his friends and smiling, and if he looks very relaxed and happy when he approaches women and others around him. I don't like cocky looking guys, loud voices, or "manly struts". I like nice, sweet, REAL guys. ...okay that was a LOT! I'm done. Haha, I hope I gave some feminine insight... Link to comment
craig78 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 that was perfect lucidloser thanks very much! its nice to know things from the girls point of view. it was all relevant, now its just down to me going out and meeting a lovely lady haha! Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Yeah, I would run for the hills if some strange guy I didn't know came up and put his hands on my hips.. even if he was smoking hot.. That's just too forward for me. Just be yourself and not take yourself too serioiusly... if the girl ain't into you, don't be discouraged cuz there are alot of cliquey people that hang out in bars now, and many of them expec the "perfect" person to approach them or they are not interested. Also... have you thought about going out with your buddies? If I see a guy laughing and joking and having a good time with his friends, somehow it makes me feel he's more likeable.... Link to comment
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