The Ewww factor

[NowandZen]

Just thought I would throw this out there to see what everybody thinks:

 

Do you think that if we were all completely honest, and disclosed all of our sexual proclivities, that a large number of people would find them very odd, perverted or even gross?

 

Or is it that a majority of people, sexually healthy, are really into nothing but missionary in the dark?

[barfgarbage]

Just thought I would throw this out there to see what everybody thinks:

 

Do you think that if we were all completely honest, and disclosed all of our sexual proclivities, that a large number of people would find them very odd, perverted or even gross?

 

Or is it that a majority of people, sexually healthy, are really into nothing but missionary in the dark?

 

I think everyone has had some crazy fantasy or something. Whether or not they have done it, well, I think that would be the line of crossing so to speak.

[EQD]

this reminds me of a time i was riding the bus as a 14 year old and some girls brought up masterbation. One of them was like 'eww! i would not touch myself, i never have. Its gross'

Now.. whether that was a lie or not... who knows. I do often wonder if she was really telling the truth.. i bet she went home and tried to find her clit.

 

Maybe people just act overly-prudent to save face when they really have a sordid story.. maybe how they were raised impacts what they deem gross or normal. where the truth lies underneath some peoples shame.. i have no idea. and i dont think anyone will ever find out.

[livinginsbi]

I find it interesting that the older I get, the more I'm willing to experiment and try new things... there are still things I'll never see myself doing, but there are things I do now that I never thought I'd do in my '20's.

 

To now and zen - you are close to my age... do find the same thing happening?

[Jayar]

I think that people who are only into missionary in the dark are very likely mentally unhealthy. They have some sort of hangup, perhaps body image, perhaps something they picked up from the way they were raised. I would argue that the most sexually balanced are into things anywhere along the scale between missionary in the dark and the most extreme of kinks.

[Ruede]

Yes, I think some people would find some of my fantasies distasteful.

[NowandZen]

I find it interesting that the older I get, the more I'm willing to experiment and try new things... there are still things I'll never see myself doing, but there are things I do now that I never thought I'd do in my '20's.

 

To now and zen - you are close to my age... do find the same thing happening?

 

 

Well, I was pretty open to trying new things in my 20s. At least I thought I was, there was a lot I didn't know about.

 

I will say that as I got older, the less I was judgemental about what other people did. People might do things that aren't for me, but I don't think "gross". I also might think about whether that would be something I would enjoy.

[Nixee]

Not being open to trying new things might seriously be grounds for divorce for me.

 

If the connection and communication is right... I don't have too much of an ewww factor I guess. If I love someone, I'm just pretty over it

 

Try things once... if I don't like it, I don't do it again. Purty simple.

 

Being with someone a little too "vanilla" can make me really antsy though ](*,)

[dream83]

I think everyone has something they're into that someone else would think is gross. There are people out there who think relatively common things like blowjobs are gross. It's not much different than anything else...like food, for example. There are people who love chocolate, people who would never touch the stuff, and people who would eat it sandwhiched with marshmallows and a slab of relish in between. "Gross" and "odd" are very subjective words in general.

[rosephase]

I just am not interested in people who find what I like gross, most people, if they really like you will at least give it (whatever it is) a try. If not I have very little interest in having sex with them in the first place. I try to be honest about my odd attractions before I sleep with new people. But I understand that not everyone is that open.

[zachtos]

I find adventure and exploration healthy within reason. Every new thing we try brings us closer together, and we share a special bond that most of us seem to think is 'sick or * * * * ty'. Whatever, so many americans are so repressed, that makes me sad for them to never know true arrousal.

[NowandZen]

There is no doubt in my mind that one should not let the opinion of others dictate what you do and try. I just wonder if we ALL have something in us that is "out of the norm"

[ycmanvs]

There is no definite answer to this question because no two people are exactly the same and no moment in time is the same as the previous one. What you may have considered gross as a teen, may now be a very pleasurable activity. If you have a partner that understands your needs, and vice versa, then you can explore all you want.

[k.will.photo]

People are either going to shrug their shoulders at this or they're going to be really judgemental, but oh well here goes:

 

In high school I was a total prude. I was astonished when one of my friends came to me freshman year to tell me she'd lost her virginity. I said all through high school that I was going to wait until I was married.

 

I realize that I was very naive and really didn't know there was anything but missionary in the dark until my senior year, and even then anything but that seemed scary. I figured I'd just stick to that and hope that whoever married me just loved me enough to deal, haha.

 

Well I got into a year and a half long relationship that's still going on and I ended up deciding to lose it to him. I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine, and I opened up a little to different positions and practices and stuff. I'm still kind of shy about it (probably has do with body image and the way I was raised) but I guess my overall view of it is that there are probably a lot of women and men alike who would be totally bored only doing missionary in the dark for their entire lives, especially if they're married/in a committed relationship. It's like having only chicken cooked the same way for the rest of your life. Boring!

[Taomagicdragon]

Counter-points and commentary in b/i/u

[k.will.photo]

Good point.

[Taomagicdragon]

Thanks, I just find it peculiar that in recent times people are proclaiming it's okay to have a very wild side (Which it is, don't get me wrong) but those on the other side of the spectrum suddenly "need" to grow, mature, be open, or get help. I'm tame/modest/reserved but as far as I can tell, I'm mature, open to those who matter, and am not in need of a sex therapist.

 

This site claims to not judge and yet this kind of veiled-judging goes on a lot. Just a trend I've noticed.

[Batya33]

I feel sorry for people who judge entire groups of people as "sexually repressed" -- that tells me loud and clear that their so-called comfort with different sexual techniques and positions is mostly if not all a sham.

[itsallgrand]

I just wonder if we ALL have something in us that is "out of the norm"

 

I don't think so.

 

Overall, we as people share a basic sexuality. This is my belief.

Some of us drift further from the current or historical 'norm' - either within the healthy realm of that or not.

 

There's nothing new under the sun, really. So even if the folk around us don't talk about, or see something eww or judge it , or don't engage in it - someone somewhere has done it a lot! And probably enjoyed it.

 

There is a difference though between tastes - and what is not healthy (not only for you, but for others). I'm talking what is abuse, or a basically unhealthy sense of sexuality. Yet even our standards for that - yes, have changed radically.

 

Someone who only does missionary in the dark, adults, I think, hurt no one and it may be a perfectly healthy expression of their own sexuality. (Though it is not to my taste, that's not the point, right?)

 

I think for sure - a high number of people would react strongly to other people's choices, desires, impulses, deep fantasies and secrets. And a lot of people would judge.

And a lot of people would find a lot of things, gross or perverted or simply "what? I don't get it?".

 

And a lot of people would not make a distinction between "not my call" and "abusing another person".

 

I think once you have a good sense though of sexual identity, and are comfortable with it in yourself, beyond not caring how others may view you it - you have a really high respect for yourself and for others, and what is appropriate or not, and what is within your 'realm' to even give an opinion on.

 

My tendency growing up was to believe that all people had basically the same tastes, and sexual orientation as me - yes, it took a long time to get beyond even that root assumption. People weren't lying : some people really do prefer the complete opposite to what I like. Wow. But really, big deal..makes sense.

 

It's amazing how different tastes go, and what motivates someone sexually and how they express themselves and will allow themselves. It's a huge thing to explore, and to get a mind around to accept.

 

Some people have trouble, still, getting to a place where they can ACCEPT the differing orientations of other peoples on a basic level (all people are heterosexual, but in denial - as an example of a belief.)

 

So as far as whether or not people are at a point where we can accept everybody else's everything sexually - even purely the healthy stuff and fantasy making - hell no, I really don't think so. Nor necessarily that we need to or should or need to know everything. I'm still not sure of that...