ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I guess it must be over, right? He usually does not go more than 2 weeks without trying to contact me. I think a part of me was hoping that I would get an e-mail or a call from him by now, just checking on me. Even when we broke up in December, he kept getting in touch with me every 2 weeks, giving me hope that we could still be together. Now, I must accept that it is really over for good. I have been No Contact and I am doing ok with that. I am not happy. I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I know that it is pointless. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 acceptance is the key know that you will be ok with or without them when you realise that then it will be easier to let go Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Every day I have to tell myself that I do not need him in my life and that I am better off without him. I have to remind myself of how much he annoyed me and how alone I felt in the relationship because he would ignore me even when I was with him. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Hi there ycmanvs, I really know how you are feeling right now. Its been a week and I keep getting tearful and some really sad moments. We werent boyfriend and girlfriend but we had something, or at least it felt like we did. We haven't even had an argument, or even said we are not going to see each other anymore (though we know we both shouldnt) and have not spoken for a week and one day now. I guess its the end of mine too... so onwards and upwards but its still sad. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 I know he thinks of me. I know he is too proud to do anything about it. I know that he is dating a few women...going out...getting drunk. I know that he is doing everything possible to stay away from me. I have decided to stay single until I am ready to welcome someone new into my life, without still thinking of my ex. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 You'll make it to. Someone will come along and make you feel like the greatest woman in the world. You'll see. Stay tough. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 I know that I am complete alone and I don't need validation from a guy, but I have been in a relationship of one form or another for over 20 years, so it is a strange adjustment to be single and ok with it. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 2 weeks is a long time to go without contacting someone you care about. I am sorry... We are broken up. I am not expecting to ever hear from him again, but I was hoping that he would contact me because that is what has happened in the past. I think that this time it is different because I think that now he has decided that there is not going to be a reconciliation and he has moved on. I need to accept that things are over. I have to stop myself from picking up the phone and calling him to see how he is doing. The truth is that if he wanted to talk to me, he would contact me...as he has in the past. This time is very different. This time it is REALLY OVER. Realizing this is so much harder than I could ever imagine. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 My friend's band is playing this weekend. I am not going because I am afraid that he might be there and I do not want to see his face. I hope these feelings pass soon so I can start going out and not worry about bumping into him. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Virtual hug. Thank you. See you are not so BAD after all. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Thank you. See you are not so BAD after all. If you read my first post on here from back in March 2004 I don't think you'd agree with that. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 If you read my first post on here from back in March 2004 I don't you'd agree with that. Ok, I will now go and do some research on your ENA history. At least it will keep me from thinking/calling/emailing my ex. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 If you read my first post on here from back in March 2004 I don't you'd agree with that. I read your post and I did not see that you did anything bad about that situation. It seemed that the woman in question was just using you for emotional support and attention, even though she was married at the time. I must investigate further. Link to comment
FromtheAshes Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 A friend of mine got married quite young, do to pregnancy, of course. They made a vow to not only not ever cheat on each other, but to never even emotionally confide in a member of the opposite sex (barring old friends they already had). He was gone for two years to Germany, only to find out upon his arrival home that she had made a "pen pal". She lied to him about the situation for over a year, but in the end after he finally got all the truth out, she had talked with this guy daily, had phone sex, quit paying his bills while he was away, neglected the kids, and planned on ending her marriage with him to move half way accross the country to be with this other degenerate. I know your original post 4 years ago and that situation differ from my friends, but there is obvious reasons I would never condone extramarital flirting or affairs of any sort. But I digress, * * * * happens, they're working it out, hopefully your situation has resolved, Badman. EDIT: Also of course barring bad marriages that are doomed to fail anyway, but that had already be in place, not caused by the flirting/affairs and whatnot. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My friend's band is playing this weekend. I am not going because I am afraid that he might be there and I do not want to see his face. I hope these feelings pass soon so I can start going out and not worry about bumping into him. He is still influencing your decisions, this needs to stop NOW. Go to the gig looking your very best and surround yourself with good friends. There is no time like the present to move forward and start healing x Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 I blame the person doing the cheating, not the other party. When my ex cheated...people were wondering why I was not mad at the other woman. My relationship was not with the other woman. It was with him. If he had respected what we had, he would not have cheated on me, no matter how many women were throwing themselves at him. I do not blame the other person. People in relationship have choices. They can be faithful, or they can cheat. It really is that simple. If a relationship is not working out...they can break up and pursue other people. I think cheating is a coward's way of having their cake and eating it too, instead of dealing with the problems in the relationship. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 He is still influencing your decisions, this needs to stop NOW. Go to the gig looking your very best and surround yourself with good friends. There is no time like the present to move forward and start healing x He is not influencing anything. My feelings are influencing my decision. I am not feeling up to going to this particular event because I am not emotionally ready to face the possibility of seeing him, so I do not want to feel anxious if I don't have to. I already have plans with a friend, so it's not like I am sitting at home waiting for him. I was talking about the fact that I wish to get to a point, sooner rather than later, where I simply do not care at all about him, so that if I see him...I will not feel anything for him. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I blame the person doing the cheating, not the other party. When my ex cheated...people were wondering why I was not mad at the other woman. My relationship was not with the other woman. It was with him. If he had respected what we had, he would not have cheated on me, no matter how many women were throwing themselves at him. I do not blame the other person. People in relationship have choices. They can be faithful, or they can cheat. It really is that simple. If a relationship is not working out...they can break up and pursue other people. I think cheating is a coward's way of having their cake and eating it too, instead of dealing with the problems in the relationship. I don't 100% agree with this. I think there are people who will "encourage" a person to cheat. I have never cheated, but I was tempted to with a guy I know a few years back. My bf at the time and I shared a mutual friend. We didn't realise it at the time, as were going through a really bad patch, but we were both confiding in him. I would complain about my ex, and he would do the same. What we didn't know was this "friend" had a plan. I was getting told, "He doesn't love you in that way anymore. He has slept around. When he leaves I will be there and take your side." None of this was true. My ex was being told, "She came on to me. I'm not going to act on it, but she just isn't physically attracted to you anymore!" He basically saw an opportunity to get me into bed, (he didn't succeed), but we did break up. Sad at the time but life goes on. I think there are people out there who seize opportunities to get what they want. nce they see that there is even the smallest problem in a relationship, it becomes their goal to completely destroy it. If a guy walked up to me in a bar and told me he: a) Was separated b) Was considering breaking up with his wife c) Had a partner who didn't understand him I would not get involved. A lot of women would though, without a moments hesitation. And its this sort of person who is hard to shake off, as they boost confidence, ego, provide sex, and only highlight that they are giving him the excitement that his wife isn't. Smart, manipulative girls.................. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 But you still have a choice not to cheat, no matter what the other person says. Someone who is not a cheater, will not cheat. It really is that simple. I have been on both sides of this equation. I cheated when I was younger. It had nothing to do with the other person. It had to do with what I wanted at the time. Now, I do not cheat...no matter what happens or what anyone says to me. I learned from my past experiences that honesty is the best way to go about a relationship. People choose to believe what they want to believe. If someone were to tell me that he said/she said this or that....I would take it with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, so if someone wants to work things out, they will do everything in their power to do so. Once you give up on a relationship, a break-up is inevitable. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 OH YES! I walked away from that quite a while ago. I'm ashamed yet today. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 OH YES! I walked away from that quite a while ago. I'm ashamed yet today. You walked away. You made a choice. That was my point. That we all have choices, and if the person that you are in a relationship with keeps making the wrong choices, then they are probably not the right person for you. As long as I keep reminding myself of this, I should be fine. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 What really closed the door of reconciliation for me was knowing that he was seeing someone else. Sometimes it takes those realizations to finally get over your ex. I hope you take his not calling you as a step for you to move on. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 What really closed the door of reconciliation for me was knowing that he was seeing someone else. Sometimes it takes those realizations to finally get over your ex. I hope you take his not calling you as a step for you to move on. I know that he is seeing someone else, but I also know that he was seeing people while we were dating. This should have been a HUGE RED FLAG for me, but I stayed with him and kept giving him another chance, until I could no longer stand it. I am sad knowing that I did everything possible to make things work and they did not. It takes more than one person to keep a relationship going...I could no longer be the one doing all the work. I wish we could keep in touch. Unfortunately, that would make things even worse because I would never be able to heal. Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 keeping in touch does NOT mean that you wouldn't be able to heal. It would just be slower. NC is not the panacea for everything. If you think keeping in touch is beneficial to you, do it. NC seems to be the "cookie-cutter" advice that is always given out here. Sometimes things are not as cut and dry. Link to comment
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