pianoguy Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Feeling quite alone lately- I was wondering if y'all could post some of your "happy ever afters" of gay dating. I read thread after thread of crushes on straight people and it would be nice to hear some happy stories from everybody. Are you in love with your partner? How and where did you meet them? How long do you envison being together? Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 by gay do you mean men only or does that include women as well? Link to comment
coolbloke1978 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 It is tougher in the gay world. Men usually can detach getting physical with emotions and thereforeee infidelity and promiscuity are more rampant. I have been single for a while now but I have some great friends that keep me going. I believe if you have the right friends then you dont need a sub standard partner. Wait for the right one to come along. Having said that I have a couple of friends who are very settled in their relationships and commited. But if you scratch beneath the surface all seemingly "perfect" relationships have their share of hiccups and roving eyes. All that glitters isnt gold. Just hang out with some decent friends keep yourself busy and I know this sounds like a cliche but the right person will come along when you least expect it. Head up! Link to comment
pianoguy Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 by gay do you mean men only or does that include women as well? Either is fine, as well as bisexual same-sex relationships. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Well, that's nice to hear. Surely there must be at least one gay person on here who has a success story?? Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 It is tougher in the gay world. Men usually can detach getting physical with emotions and thereforeee infidelity and promiscuity are more rampant. I have been single for a while now but I have some great friends that keep me going. I believe if you have the right friends then you dont need a sub standard partner. Wait for the right one to come along. Having said that I have a couple of friends who are very settled in their relationships and commited. But if you scratch beneath the surface all seemingly "perfect" relationships have their share of hiccups and roving eyes. All that glitters isnt gold. Just hang out with some decent friends keep yourself busy and I know this sounds like a cliche but the right person will come along when you least expect it. Head up! i'm glad i read this. I always wondered if it was harder for men, but I didn't have any gay friends to ask! hahahah Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Well, that's nice to hear. Surely there must be at least one gay person on here who has a success story?? Well, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by success story but I've been in a bisexual same sex relationship for a year and 8 months now. Although one month was spent broken up so I guess a year and 7 months. Link to comment
unabashed Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I've been in a same-sex relationship for over three years. We met on an online dating site and did the LDR thing for a year. We lived about four hours apart from one another, but managed to get together at least every other weekend for a whole year. She then moved to my area, got a job and a place of her own, and we continued to see each other for another year. We moved in together a year ago, and things are going very well. We are definitely in love and happy together, working through some of the rough spots. I'd say we are not yet ready for "marriage" or that type of commitment, but we are very happily living together, looking forward to a long future together. We're both a bit older (late forties, early fifties), and know that we want this time of life to be fun and loving. Hope you find your happiness! Link to comment
elazul Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I have a success story! I've been in a wonderful relationship for 2 years now! I know for some people that might not seem like very long, but for me, it's more than I ever thought was possible! I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family and in a hardcore Christian school, which was really discouraging. That's a whole other story, but basically, I thought it was impossible for me to ever find someone and be happy. I couldn't see myself with a girl or with a guy. I'm gay, but I had been taught it was wrong. I had the fall-for-a-straight-guy experience, like so many people have, which was also very discouraging. Anyways, the good part. I went away to college, and I was VERY lucky as far as making friends. I made good friends that I felt very comfortable with in a matter of days. Seriously, like 5 or 6 days after I arrived at college, a friend was trying to set me up with this cute guy that I really liked. Well, he came from a similar background. He told me he was definitely attracted only to men, but he was uncomfortable pursuing a relationship because of his beliefs. Crap. Well, about a month later, we were talking in a secluded place on campus late at night. It was so easy to talk to him, we were getting along so well, and then we just started kissing! Like, three hours later, we went back our separate ways to our dorm rooms. The first two months of our relationship were rather tumultuous, due to his uncertainty regarding religion and such, but things stabilized, and we fell in love! We told our parents after we'd been together about a year, and they completely cut us off, so now we're living together, making it on our own, and we've never been happier! We just moved in together about 2 moths ago. We are SO in love. He was my first kiss, my first everything. We've started talking about marriage, as something to plan for after we finish college. We plan on spending the rest of our lives together, although we do understand that unfortunately, nothing is for sure. There are a few things that worry me sometimes. I worry about our careers pulling us apart. I would follow him anywhere, and I think he'd do the same for me, but you never know what the future holds. We're both studying music in college, and he's a year ahead of me. He wants to go to grad school, and I do too, but it will be difficult to find a place that suits both our needs, since I'm a singer and he's a flutist. Also it'll be hard to set up careers in music in the same place, since it's so competitive. I know that just cause we've been together for two years doesn't mean it'll last forever, but I want it too, and I know he feels that way too. I think we can make make it! I see all my straight college friends getting engaged, married, one even has a kid now! I see no reason why we can't have that same success. Link to comment
lukeb Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 It is tougher in the gay world. Men usually can detach getting physical with emotions and thereforeee infidelity and promiscuity are more rampant. I have been single for a while now but I have some great friends that keep me going. I believe if you have the right friends then you dont need a sub standard partner. Wait for the right one to come along. Having said that I have a couple of friends who are very settled in their relationships and commited. But if you scratch beneath the surface all seemingly "perfect" relationships have their share of hiccups and roving eyes. All that glitters isnt gold. Just hang out with some decent friends keep yourself busy and I know this sounds like a cliche but the right person will come along when you least expect it. Head up! I was going to write something like this but you beat me to it.... this is soo soo true. I wish we could spend half the energy looking for/maintianing good friends than we do looking for that "special" someone. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 Nice story, elazul. I'm in music too, I play piano and organ. I'd love to date a musician, I've had a lot of crushes on baritones lately, and this adorable little percussionist with big green eyes... *sigh*. I find it kind of funny that your boyfriend was closeted, yet played the flute. I mean... hello??? I've never met a straight male flautist. Did he think he was fooling anybody??? I mean, if you're going to be closeted, you owe it to at least make an honest effort to appear straight, right? I'm glad that you two are doing well together. It's a tough career field, I will tell you that. What's nice is that we are in a field that has a lot of gay people, so when people hire they tend to be much more considerate of those kinds of things. What kinds of jobs are you and your boyfriend hoping for when you graduate, if you don't mind me asking? Link to comment
elazul Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 He really wants a position in a major orchestra. He doesn't need to be famous or anything, he just wants a long term seat in a prominent orchestra. It's still a big aspiration, but his teachers tell him that it's attainable for him. I still haven't decided. I'm a vocalist, studying opera. I'd love to be an opera singer or an opera conductor, but I'd also be totally happy as a music professor at a college or university. If I can get a masters degree, I should be able to land a position as a professor. I would get a D.M.A. if the opportunity arises. Unfortunately, neither of us can afford to get a masters without full scholarships, which isn't impossible, but we may have to find other jobs after college and just save up for it. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 Hmm... well, you pretty much will need a DMA if you want to be a prof, unless you get a lucky break. I just finished my masters and am working as a waiter- the masters doesn't count for a whole lot in music, I'm finding out. As a singer, though, you have a few other options (church choirs, opera camps, etc). Do you conduct at all? Churches ALWAYS need choir conductors, they pay well, it's relatively satisfying work, and it gives you more flexibility as to where you move. If you want to do opera professionally, that's something I can't advise you a whole lot on- it's really important that you have good connections. A masters doesn't hurt either. Orchestral flute is tough, but there are a lot of orchestras out there, it could end up meaning playing for the Saskalooah town players in the middle of Alberta, though. A masters doesn't hurt for that either. Anyways, I suppose I'm getting a bit OT- PM me and we can chat more if you like. Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I had a semi success story. I met my first bonafide boyfriend in bio class (two years ago). He played on the tennis team and we were an item for six months. The only thing that made it unsuccessful was that he had to move back to Yugoslavia. But, overall, for my first gay relationship it was great. Now, I think I am going to stop trying so hard to meet a new boyfriend and focus on myself and building friendships. I think, perhaps, I was attempting to force the action too much. Now, I think I'll just relax and go with the flow. I believe I'll find someone out there. Anyway, the success stories in this thread give me hope. Link to comment
stayhappy Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I'm a musician but I have never ever had the aspiration to date another muso lol! Dancers on the other hand.... I had a fantastic monogamous, committed loving relationship for 6 years with a guy I met off the internet (dancer). Of course it had it's ups and downs, every relationship does but we had essentially a great time. Unfortunately we both grew apart as we started the relationship relatively young, him being 18 and me 22 at the time and are no longer together but we both agree that we had a great time for the time we were together and it was very special. I've since met another guy on the net who is also absolutely wonderful and I look forward to seeing where it may go. The general perception of gay people is that we don't want long term love and only want one night stands which in a lot of cases is true but I have since discovered that there are decent guys out there who are able and happy to give themselves over to committment in the traditonal sense. Link to comment
mdog Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 well...heres my story....Im 17.. and i met my boyfriend at school. He's 19 and he played football and for awhile he was dating a girl, but it said bi on myspace....so i was interested but i didnt want to get my hopes up..if it wasnt true. Actually we met on myspace but i knew him at school. well anyway..he sends me a random message on myspace out of nowhere about if i really went to the school we go to and i said yea and i see you around a lot. like 2 min later he sends another one (while i was typing mine to him) saying wait i guess i have seen you in the hallways. So we decided that the next day we would officially meet. I walked in to school all excited (and nervous at the same time). We met in the cafeteria where i meet all my friends before school starts and he comes over and hugs one of my friends (i had no clue he knew her but then again he was popular and knew pretty much everyone). He looked at me and i looked at him and i got nervous...(and when i get nervous i talk a lot) so i started chatting with my other friends. After that he walks me to class and ask me for my number. i gave it to him and he texted me like the rest of the day. That all happened before prom. he asked me if i was going and i said yes but i already had plans wit my friends and i promised i wouldnt break them and he said i understand. The early morning of prom he asked me if i would be his boyfriend and i said yes. So prom was pretty much amazing. He helped our handicapped students there so thats all he was doing at the dance (it was really cute). And i would come by to talk to him for a second. Post prom was also amazing too. We went to a inside amusement area thingy and they had go karts and he beat me. I was mad haha. And then went to my friends house ( he came along too). He like ditched all of his friends and followed me the whole time. Next day i had to rush home and so did he. took him home. and then i freaked out b/c i was afraid sumthing bad was going to happen monday. Monday comes and nuthin bad happened. And that whole week we were pretty much the talk of the school. no joke. all they would say was they are so cute together. my best friend was getting annoyed by it all...it was that crazy. After that he just walked me to classes and stuff and everything died down... Now its summer...and having a fun time with him and friends. he's amazing. he left a couple days ago to go to a science camp for a whole month. And im missing him, but whats gettin me through are my friends..Sry for having it so long. Link to comment
stayhappy Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Aw that's a really sweet story! Well I hope you enjoy all your times together and it sound like everyone in your school is pretty cool about it all which is great. Good Luck to you both Link to comment
pianoguy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Hey, no pity parties here, there's other threads for that. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Oh, I'm sorry- I misinterpreted your post. Anyways, I didn't really create this thread to hear lectures on the virtues of singlehood and friends, although I entirely agree that friends are as/more important than relationships, and an emotionally healthy person should be able to function well both individually and as part of a relationship. You are far too young to be bitter. I'm sorry that you've had some bad relationships- but I like what Luke said- our lives haven't even begun yet. Look forward. Link to comment
islandj Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 hmmm. Although my 2 relationship ended not so long ago. I dont see everythinbg that ocurred as a failure. I've always been picky whe it comes to choosing the right guy and although i had done the night stands or the occasional dating, I lost interest about a week or 2 of meeting someone, until I met my ex.. Things didnt really go well the first time we met cuz even though he was very attractive, he didnt have the best of intentions back then, so i gave him false info at the end of the night.. shame on me > and never saw him again.. 5 months later, I saw him again, and we started staring at each other for several weeks until i finally approached him, i didnt have the best intentions at that time either but sursprinsingly as we started talking we started feeling this connection, I felt there was more than met the eye, none of us had been in an ltr before and after a few weeks of dating we both made the decision of being exclusive and gave it a try, by the time it reached a month, it was already a milestone for me and little we knew it was going to last 2 years, which in gayland should be considered 10 years!! ;-) My ex confessed to me during our relationship that he constantly thought of me ever since the first time we met, on how nervous he was when i approached him 5 months later and how surprised he was that a guy like me would lay my eyes on him, little he knew is I was feeling the exact same way all along.. So even though our relationship ended and we're currently in NC, we did acknowledge of us doing a pretty decent job for being the first ltr for both of us and though not together, I believe that people DO get what they look for sometimes for short periods and sometimes for a lifetime and in places you least expect, one just have to be patient... I guess people have many success stories.. looking forward for many more Link to comment
pianoguy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 What do you mean when you say you didn't have the best intentions? Link to comment
islandj Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 we were both just looking to mess around, have fun Link to comment
pianoguy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 What's wrong with that? I think a lot of relationships begin that way- straight as well. Link to comment
islandj Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 it depends on what youre looking for, nothing wrong if both parties have the same expectations, otherwise it would really suck if one was looking for something meaningful.. me thinks Link to comment
elazul Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 A relationship will not cure your unhappiness. I've never been happier! You're 21! That's not old. One year older than me. We're both still very young. I've actually had horrible experiences with most of my friends. So many people I thought I could trust, and with all my past friends, I later found I could not trust them at all. Of course it's always hit-and-miss with people in general. I'm only 20, so I'm not exactly speaking from a whole lot of experience, but I believe that it's important above all to find people you can trust. Once you do, keep them around! Mine is my boyfriend, yours might be a friend. Someone you can share everything with. People who've had bad experiences with relationships will say friends are better, people who have had bad experiences with friends will say it's better to be in a committed relationship. Trustworthy people are hard to find. Whether or not it's someone you have sex with is not the most important thing. I have a wonderful thing going for me, and I'm gonna try my hardest to make it last forever, regardless of other people's failed relationships, because I think it's worth it. It might work out, it might not, but it would be stupid to give up now! Link to comment
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