once_a_red Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 hello everyone, i came here a couple of months ago to deal with a really bad break up. the girl i had been in an LDR with for an year and a half ended up cheating on me with my best friend. she dumped me for this guy whom she had basically never even met before. i was devastated. i begged and pleaded and promised to change myself for her etc., but all to no avail. after a week of this, i went NC. with the help of some of the posts on enotalone, i started healing gradually but steadily. i was starting to do quite well, but then the ex started contacting me again. it began with a simple email saying hi, which i rebuffed saying she needed to respect my decision to go NC. a couple of days after this, i ran into her. i gave a polite smile, and kept on walking. that night, the girl emails me her new phone number, "just in case you want to talk". i do not respond. the next day, she calls me up and asks to meet me face to face. i meet her that night only. we have a really long conversation in which repeatedly she tells me she is sorry for what she did to me. i try to broach the subject of her new boyfriend(my ex best friend) but she assidously avoids talking about him. (Why? Is it guilt? Is it regret at having let me go?) after having done so well for the last few weeks, contact with her seems to have taken me back to square one. i seem to think about her a lot, and the what ifs keep going on in my head. i cried like a baby last night, listening to a song that reminded me of the break up. i waited for her to call me last night, willing for the phone to ring, even when she had said she will never contact me again. the emotions of helplessness, of depending on crumbs from her to make me feel better, of waiting for her call/email - everything i had felt immediately after the break up - i felt it again last night. i fear that this girl will always have the power over me to make me weak in the knees. and i do not want her to have that power. i want to know whether i will always feel the same way. Will this girl always have the ability to make me cry? Or does there come a stage when you can talk heart to heart with the ex and not feel a thing? Link to comment
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