How hard can it be - turning into a woman?

[Coleen]

Well, the questions regarding my nature arise all the time. But this one, I feel, is quite imporant. This will be long, but please read it and leave your take on it, please.

 

It concerns my relationship with the opposite sex. Somebody recently told me that I was afraid of getting into a relationship and that I behave like a teenager. Well, I don't consider myself a teenager, but when it comes to romantic relationship something happens, clicks, and I'm not me anymore.

 

I was thinking about it and the thing is that I am not afraid of a relationship. I am, no matter how strange it sounds, ashamed (on some level) of growing up and becoming a woman (not in a physical sense but behavioral way). I'm ashamed of flirting, of seducing, of a relationship. I just feel that it's wrong when I do it, but my mind says the opposite. Maybe that's a kind of fear?

 

When I do romantic things I automaticaly think about my mother, and turn into this naive creature, a good girl, although it's totaly not my nature.

 

I'm wondering what made me so, and how can I change it? I didn't start dating till a while ago (~6 months, when I moved out to live closer to college). And in my family there was a kind of an unspoken rule that I couldn't date. And in a way I'm greateful for this rule, because it allowed me to grow on many other levels. But now, I find it hard to have a normal, sound relationships with men. There's always this prudish emotion on my part when it comes to romance, and I'm tired of it.

 

Yes, I do have high standards, but when it comes to actually acting on my feelings I'm stuck in my old habits. I don't mean to boast, but lately I've noticed that I'm quite a head turner (talk about ugly duckling story). And there are many opportunities for me to act upon, but something is stopping me!

 

So...HELP! I'm a bit lost in this situation and would love an outside take on it!

 

~ Coleen

[melrich]

I'm reading between the lines here so disregard this if it doesn't ring true.

 

If you were brought up in an environment where sexual/romantic subjects were regarded as taboo or something not to be talked about, it could be that those things are implanted in your subconscious as being somehow naugthy/dirty/ not what good girls are supposed to be involved in.

[Coleen]

I see what you mean. Well, it was basically in my family that this question wasn't even raised. My friends did not have problems dating. Plus, in my family it wasn't regarded as a bad thing, but rather something one shouldn't do until they are adults (18-19 yrs).

 

But, maybe that's partialy true. But, I'm totally OK with talking/thinking about sex, gender and things like that.

[CaptainPlanet]

I am actually a little bit similar. My Dad was raised to be a pretty strict catholic, we're not religious anymore but I was raised with a lot of catholic values. When I am with women I still feel a little guilt knowing that what I am doing would be considered adultery. When I was a virgin I was happy about it to an extent as I knew I was without sin. I don't strictly believe in god but that does not mean I am without faith, either. If that makes any sense. Thats something that was stressed, that sex is wrong. I am more of an agnostic that an aethiest.

 

I am a bit older than you and without a proper relationship under my belt does suggest that I might have a social dysfunction. I have the same problem with my mother to tell you the truth she does a good job of ruining sex for me. To both of my parents sex is like this horrible thing that shouldn't be talked about and blah blah their attitude is just horrible. When I was 14 I asked a girl out from school on a date and she said yes, but my parents decided that I was not allowed to date at that age. They had this whole discussion about how 'they' want to have sex at that age, I heard the whole thing, it was horrible.

 

The frustrating part is now that I am older they would ask me where my girlfriend is? or do you have a girlfriend ? expectingly.. I found that to be very annoying too.

 

I am not necessarily sure behaving like a teenager in terms of dating is a bad thing. People (particularly attractive girls) get jaded and over use the dating process it becomes very impersonal. Frankly I'd love to date a girl gets nervous on dates, who won't mind if I have to ask to kiss her. Much better than the oversexed culture we're living in today. I wouldn't so much worry about it and as cliche as it usually is you should just be yourself..

 

As for getting your parents out of your head, that just takes the discipline to ignore them.

[JadedStar]

When I am with women I still feel a little guilt knowing that what I am doing would be considered adultery. When I was a virgin I was happy about it to an extent as I knew I was without sin.

 

CP, you have never been married. Why would you consider it adultery? (confused)

[CaptainPlanet]

CP, you have never been married. Why would you consider it adultery? (confused)

 

Adultery is also sex before marriage.

[JadedStar]

Adultery is also sex before marriage.

 

No, adultery is sex while married.

noun: extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations

 

Sex while not married is just premarital sex.

[CaptainPlanet]

No, adultery is sex while married.

noun: extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations

 

Sex while not married is just premarital sex.

 

Not really, whether or not adultery is committed depends on the martial status of the woman because she is considered property of the male.

 

Depending on the definition adultery can simply mean illicit sex.