Sending a holiday card to ex?

[Maverick44]

My question is this - I haven't spoken to my ex in about 2.5 months.

 

She told me the following "If you really do care about me, I ask you to please let us both move on and start anew. Someday we will be able to be friends - But I just don't want to deal with this any more."

 

Now we didn't break up because of bad things. We broke up because her parents are traditional chinese and her mom didn't like a latino man. We loved each other, yes, but out of respect for my ex's above request, I have not contacted her in any way. Do I miss her? Yes, absolutely. A mutual friend of her and I told me around that time that my ex was hurt but she had to do what she did for her family. It hurts but I accepted it (still working on it sometimes).

 

So, I wondered if I should continue the "No Contact" by not sending her a holiday e-card or anything. I want to because I obviously want to get in touch with her, etc. It will hurt, though because there is nothing we can really change. I haven't turned chinese.

 

I also think it will hurt her as well because then it brings back old feelings and hurt. So, is the best thing to continue to not have contact? Or do I send a holiday card or something? I kinda feel that since she was the one who didn't want to deal with things and said that we would be friends in the future but she needed to deal with this pain, that I should wait until she extends the olive branch.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Maverick

[ameliamolly]

I guess I want to know what your motives are for sending the card? Do you think it will make her want to get back together with you? I only ask because I thought about sending one to my x, and asked myself the same question. For me I think it's about checking back in to see how he is doing, what he is up to and if he is seeing anyone....curiosity I suppose. I decided against the card because I think they can be too sentimental and we had a bad relationship so it may trigger some bad stuff for him.

 

It may be painful for her to receive a card from you. It sounds like you both cared about each other but simply can't be together. This is a hard time of year for people, especially when there are old hurt or feelings from relationships. It might be best to wait it out for her to contact you.

 

Good luck with your decision...

[Beec]

Sending a card and good wishes is not bad. Sending something sentimental would be. Sending a joke she enjoyed, would get her to laugh or smile and be good. Pain from an old realtionship doesn't feel good, but forgetting about it is not the answer always either. So just cutting her and her memory out of her head may not be the answer. Send a light-hearted or joke card and expect nothing in return: if you get something great, if not you brought her a smile.

[Maverick44]

Well, I guess I'm going to have to go with ameliamolly on this. It's not that I would send a sentimental card or anything. I would have probably sent a joke card.

 

Still, the sting from not hearing from her or even hearing from her and knowing we can't be together would still be tough. I'm trying to move on but it's been tough. I think of her. I wish we talked. I miss her, etc.

 

I try to move on and hang with friends, etc.

 

My motives were what amelia's were. Curiosity. Still, the pain for me and maybe for her might not be good to deal with again, especially going back to square one or something.

 

Maybe in more time. Maybe when it won't be as painful for me either. I still kinda think she should be the one to extend the olive branch, you know? She was the one who asked me let time pass and allow us to move on.

 

Maverick