Age for Sex?

[123123asd]

in my opinion 14 is ONLY OK if your partner is 14-15.... not when your 14 and have sex with someone thats 20.... thats just wrong and its disgusting....

it should be EITHER: BOY ON GIRL OR MAN ON WOMAN

NOT MIXING THOSE UP!!!! (for straight couples of course....) you cant go MAN on GIRL or WOMAN on BOY.... it is wrong... I believe as soon as the magic moment comes you should... not with a 1 night stand

[maritalbliss]

wow... 14???!!!!???? 15,16, 17 and even 18 are all still very young to be having sex.

 

Of course, I have a completely different opinion of waiting to have sex until marriage - but even aside from that, you shouldn't be having sex until you're really ready to have a baby (by accident)!!!

 

It happens .... all the time. And ya'll are really lucky that none of you got pregnant. Most of the posts on here say they regretted their first time and how the situation was, etc. And part of that makes me wonder if you really wished that you could've saved that gift for a loving husband who would wait for you gladly because you saved yourself for him and him only....??

 

Why else would there be regret if you thought you were capable of doing an act that can produce a new life....

 

Personally, the US has the HIGHEST TEENAGE PREGNANCY RATE among developed countries. HIGHEST. Seriously, why play with this type of fire?

 

I've said it to that little 15 year old boy wanting to "take things further" with his virgin girlfriend that 60% of teens when asked say that they regret NOT WAITING to have sex until marriage. that's a HUGE percentage... and its REAL.

 

And honestly, what comes from having sex that young? Experience? lol no, statistics and studies have shown that women (especially) who are very sexually active when in their teens usually have very unfulfilling sex lives and can't learn to orgasm.

Let's be honest, its the guys that usually push for sex when that young (their hormones drive them crazy) and like the 15 year old on the other thread, they try to get their girlfriends to go as far as they will let them... so maybe that's the reason why so many (60% remember?) regret having sex in their teens and not waiting until marriage.

 

Maybe they (or you) felt used... which according to my husband and many guys we know, he DID (and they often do) use many girls back then for purely just sex... and they let him. I know one past gf actually told him that she did feel used - and boy was she... (which is sad but as women, we let ourselves get used by lowering our standards (and our jeans) to their wishes while 14, 15, 16, or 17 or even 21 as in her case).

 

The best way (to me) is to wait for someone who loves and respects you enough to wait.

[yellowcal]

If people waited until they were ready to have a child, (by accident) most people would never have sex. Hence why they have protection.

 

As for the studies done showing

 

I was very sexually active during my teen years and I have a GREAT sex life, along with every other person I have known to start having sex as a teen. I would love to see the proof of studies and statistics that you talk of.

 

What comes from having sex at any age? Pleasure, enjoyment, and in some cases a love and bond that adds to a relationship. (Yes, teens are capable of having meaningful sex.) I'm also not sure where you come from but where I live the female teenagers are just as sexually active (Willingly) than males are.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If I waited until I wanted a child...that'd be 28....just not realistic.

[dragon lady]

Marital bliss- what about people who have no intention of getting married? I would like to live in marriage-like relationship, but I don't see there being a wedding. I also don't really plan on having kids. Should I just give up sex for the rest of my life?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I mean, when you are ready for kids definitely would be IDEAL for the world.

 

However, realistically, I think most persons are emotionally mature enough to handle sex after 18, probably a bit later...some a bit sooner.

[dragon lady]

I mean, when you are ready for kids definitely would be IDEAL for the world.

 

However, realistically, I think most persons are emotionally mature enough to handle sex after 18, probably a bit later...some a bit sooner.

 

Yeah, I really think it comes down to responsibility. If you are responsible enough to get yourself the appropriate methods of birth control, then it's fine. There are plenty of people in their mid 20's and older who can't even do that.

 

I don't think it's realistic to push the "marriage" argument on people since practically no one waits until marriage these days (maybe 5% of the U.S. population I think I read).

[maritalbliss]

If I waited until I wanted a child...that'd be 28....just not realistic.

 

hopefully you (and others) don't get pregnant then lol. I just seriously think that someone that's only 22-23 if not married and in a stable lifestyle, should think twice about endangering their future by having sex... and seeing on here how almost evveyone who posted regrets their first time and how it happened it just makes me really sad. Especially when its like a 14 year old girl.

 

I love birth control (particularly the pill) - its wonderful - but its not completely effective (there's still 1% that it might not work and you could unexpectedly have a baby). MOST women do forget once in a while to take their pill... and the pill is not very forgiving anymore like it used to be (they've lowered the dosage to the bare minimum b/c of the nasty side effects - so if you forget to take one or two in that first week it could start you developing follicles!!!!!) but its still very effective and I agree that it should be used if you are having sex of course.

 

Anyway though, of course everyone has their own opinion on this topic and I know mine is very small percentile represented here (that's one of the reasons as to WHY I'm here - to plant seeds of thought for these kinds of topics... and to point out to people how geez, like 95% of the women posting here very much regret their choice of having sex in their teens when not emotionally ready for it and its consequences and responsibilities (in chances of getting pregnant).

 

I'm here to represent a side that most do not want to hear... and I'm fine with that LOL... I'm bringing up the real consequences (emotionally and physcially) of letting yourself be used by some teenage (or twenty-something) boy whose hormones are raging and will go as far as you will let him. Maybe my posts sting because you know there's some truth to this.

[maritalbliss]

I don't think it's realistic to push the "marriage" argument on people since practically no one waits until marriage these days (maybe 5% of the U.S. population I think I read).

 

and you wonder why the divorce rate is so high....

[maritalbliss]

I was very sexually active during my teen years and I have a GREAT sex life, along with every other person I have known to start having sex as a teen. I would love to see the proof of studies and statistics that you talk of.

 

What comes from having sex at any age? Pleasure, enjoyment, and in some cases a love and bond that adds to a relationship. (Yes, teens are capable of having meaningful sex.) I'm also not sure where you come from but where I live the female teenagers are just as sexually active (Willingly) than males are.

 

working on getting those statistics!!!! They go beyond just what I posted though, women who were sexually active before getting married are actually 3 times more likely to cheat on their husbands while married (that's more than the men who are at 2 times). They also go with the statistics on living together before marriage, but that's not the topic of this thread (neither is this, but since you asked... lol).

 

What comes from having sex at any age? (I did NOT say "any" age, I'm talking mostly about teenage and early twenties (usually when you lose your virginity)). pleasure? sure... enjoyment? for a while... USUALLY when you have sex with a boy and you are 14, 15, 16, or 17 or in the case of the girl I talked about 21 or even older... you get bonded to them emotionally, and USUALLY you break up with them.

 

How many girls do you think actually stay with the guy that they lost their virginity to???? (especially if it wasn't in the event of waiting for marriage)??? No one hardly. ANd that's exactly what I'm talking about when saying the emotional turmoil for these girls is extremely hard for them (we've heard it being posted a few pages back even). The relationship almost never lasts in high school. Give me one person just one, who's still with their high school sweet heart (and not still in high school) and are having sex and come back 5 years from now and we'll see if they're even still together or close friends for that matter.

Yes teens are able to have "meaningful sex" but it usually tears them up inside, like I said, 60% of them wish they hadn't. And it usually is the guy who pushes for things to go further... you can't argue that, we see it on here ALL THE TIME. 14 15 16 17 and 18 year old guys and up wanting to know how far they can push things, how they can take their gf to the next level LOL. Of course some women actively go after "taking things to the next level" but when you're that young and are a virgin (which is what I'm talking about) usually you are not the one to start the touching, etc. that leads eventually to sex.

[maritalbliss]

"The Neglected Heart: Emotional Effects of Sex Outside Marriage

What's the BIG DEAL about Sex?

Why does it MATTER if I have Sex, or not?

 

There Are Emotional Consequences of Premarital Sexual Involvement:

 

Your sexuality is a huge part of who you are as a person.

 

It is to be protected and safe-guarded for the good of your whole being, and only shared in a permanent, life-long, trusting, and committed monogamous relationship traditionally known as marriage.

 

Otherwise, your whole being gets ripped and torn and you lose your identity as a unique person.

 

No two people are exactly alike. Each of us is a unique, one-of-a-kind personality.

 

And while every person will respond differently to situations and experiences, there are still many negative psychological consequences that most people experience to some degree when they engage in premarital sexual involvement.

 

Here are 10 negative psychological consequences that many people experience:

 

1. WORRY ABOUT PREGNANCY AND AIDS

 

For many people, this is a major emotional stress.

 

Teens are worried and distracted each month that they might be pregnant, or might have caused pregnancy.

 

Girls often buy home pregnancy kits and have a great deal of anxiety in their day-to-day activities. It may be difficult to concentrate on schoolwork or sports.

 

2. REGRET AND SELF-RECRIMINATION

"I get upset when I see my friends losing their virginity to some guy they've just met. Later, after the guy's dumped them, they come to me and say, 'I wish I hadn't done it.'"

 

A ninth-grade girl who slept with eight boys in junior high says, 'I'm young, but I feel old.'" Girls are more likely to see sex as a sign of commitment in the relationship. They often feel cheap and cheated.

 

"I never imagined I'd pay so dearly and for so long. Sex without commitment is very risky for the heart." - a 33-year-old psychiatrist from personal experience

 

 

3. GUILT

Guilt is a special form of regret; it is a strong sense of having done something morally wrong.

 

Morality refers to a code of behavior.

 

Guilt is a normal and healthy moral response, a sign that one's conscience is working.

 

Guilt may come from seeing the hurt one has caused other people by using them as sex objects.

 

Guilt may come from knowing your parents would be upset if they knew of your sexual involvement.

 

Guilt about sexual pasts can "cripple" people when they do get married, through flashbacks of previous sexual experiences.

 

4. LOSS OF SELF-RESPECT & SELF-ESTEEM

Many people suffer loss of self-respect when they discover they have a sexually transmitted disease. Most people have no idea how prevalent STDs are, believing they only are contracted by "low-life". When they become infected themselves, they feel very "dirty".

 

Even without STD infection, temporary sexual relationships can lower the self-respect of both the user and the used.

 

Casual sex can lower self-esteem, which leads a person into further casual sex, which leads to further loss of self-esteem in an oppressive cycle, which is hard to break.

 

On both sides of dehumanized sex, there is a loss of dignity and self-worth.

 

As one 20-year-old male confides: "You feel pretty crummy when you get drunk at a party and have sex with some girl, and then the next morning you can't even remember who she was.""

 

People are not things.

 

When we treat them as if they were, we not only hurt them; we lose respect for ourselves.

 

5. THE CORRUPTION OF CHARACTER AND THE DEBASEMENT OF SEX

When people treat others as sexual objects and exploit them for their own pleasure, they not only lose self-respect; they corrupt their characters and debase their sexuality in the process. Good character consists of virtues such as respect, responsibility, honesty, fairness, caring, and self-control.

 

With regard to sex, self-control is particularly crucial. The breakdown of sexual self-control is a big factor in many of the sex-related problems that plague our society: rape, promiscuity, pornography, apiction to sex, sexual harassment, sexual abuse of children, sexual infidelity in marriage, and more. It was Freud who was obviously correct when he said that sexual self-control is essential for civilization.

 

Once sexual restraint is removed, it easily takes over individuals and relationships, leading quickly to date rape, gangs requiring sexual touching and intercourse in order to "earn points", and a general disregard for individual privacy and modesty. In short, sex that is not tied to love and commitment undermines character by subverting self-control, respect, and responsibility. Unchecked, sexual desires and impulses run amok and lead to habits of hedonism and using others for one's personal pleasure. Sexual intercourse loses its meaning, beauty, and "special"ness. Instead of being a loving, uniquely intimate expression of two people's commitment to each other, sex is trivialized and degraded.

 

 

 

6. SHAKEN TRUST & FEAR OF COMMITMENT

Young people who feel used or betrayed after the break-up of a sexual relationship may experience difficulty in future relationships. Some develop a low self-esteem and they seek any type of attention, no matter how short-lived and demeaning; others withdraw and have trouble trusting any more.

 

One young woman noted: "Besides feeling cheap [after several sexual relationships], I began to wonder if there would ever be anyone who would love and accept me without demanding that I do something with my body to 'earn' that love."

 

Boys also experience loss of trust: "I'm afraid of falling in love."

 

 

 

7. RAGE OVER BETRAYAL

Sometimes the emotional reaction to being "dumped" isn't just a lack of trust or fear of commitment; but rage. The sense of betrayal is usually much greater if sex has been part of the relationship. Sex can be emotional dynamite.

 

 

 

8. DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE

Kieran Sawyer wrote: "The more the relationship seems like real love, the more the young person is likely to invest, and the deeper the pain and hurt if the relationship breaks up."

 

Sometimes the rupture leads to deep depression that may lead, in turn, to suicide.

 

In the past 25 years, teen suicide has tripled.

 

In a 1988 survey by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1 of 5 adolescent girls stated they had tried to kill themselves (1 of 10 for boys).

 

This is the same period during which the rate of teen sexual activity has sharply increased. Although there are certainly many causes, it is reasonable to suspect that the pain from such break-ups is a factor for some young people.

 

 

 

9. RUINED RELATIONSHIPS

Sex can cause another kind of emotional consequence by turning good relationships bad. Other dimensions of the relationship stop developing and negative emotions enter, such as anger, impatience, jealousy, and selfishness.

 

 

 

10. STUNTING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Premature sexual involvement can not only stunt the development of the relationship; it can also stunt one's development as a person. Some young people handle anxieties by turning to drugs and alcohol, while others turn to sex.

 

Sex becomes an escape. They do not learn how to cope with life's pressures.

 

Just at the time when young people should be reaching out to form new friendships, join clubs and teams, develop their interests and skills, and take on bigger responsibilities, they are instead turning inward, absorbed in intense sexual relationships.

 

The failure to grow during these years will affect them all their lives; they may never develop their full potential.

 

Girls especially, tend to thwart their individuality, becoming part of the boy, gaining their self-worth from him. Girls can fail to develop their own interests and their own sense of independent identity.

 

 

 

Dr. Carson Daly, college counselor, comments:

 

"I don't think I ever met a student who was sorry he or she postponed sexual activity, but I certainly met many who deeply regretted their sexual involvements. Time and time again, I have seen the long-term emotional and spiritual desolation that results from casual sex and promiscuity.

 

"No one ever tells students that it sometimes takes years to recover from the effects of these sexual involvements - if one ever fully recovers."

 

 

Sex can certainly be a source of great pleasure and joy; but it can also be the source of deep wounds and suffering.

 

 

We need to help and guide all young people to understand this. What makes the difference is the type of relationship within which sexual activity occurs.

 

 

Sex is most joyful and fulfilling - most emotionally and physically safe - when it occurs within a loving, total, and binding life-long commitment, historically called marriage.

 

Sexual union is then part of something bigger - the union of two persons' lives. "

 

 

 

I posted this instead of just supplying the link b/c I want viewers to see this stuff without having to even sign up (like when they google and get to this page). This was written by Physicians and other medical professionals... not just some girl on here trying to convince a world of people who feel the affects of it but refuse to see what's going on underneath and why these things are happening. There are accredited people out there (MANY) who believe this is what's happening for real - just b/c its not popular or what you see on tv doesn't mean its not true.

The link though is:

link removed

[yellowcal]

and you wonder why the divorce rate is so high....

 

 

It has nothing to do with what you are trying to argue.

[yellowcal]

Everything you have posted about the statistics have all been speculation not actually proven that sex and these issues are related. So until you can show me where actual STUDIES have been done and proven that sex causes these problems, I still fail to believe what you are saying. Especially this one;

 

8. DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE

Kieran Sawyer wrote: "The more the relationship seems like real love, the more the young person is likely to invest, and the deeper the pain and hurt if the relationship breaks up."

 

Sometimes the rupture leads to deep depression that may lead, in turn, to suicide.

 

In the past 25 years, teen suicide has tripled.

 

In a 1988 survey by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1 of 5 adolescent girls stated they had tried to kill themselves (1 of 10 for boys).

 

This is the same period during which the rate of teen sexual activity has sharply increased. Although there are certainly many causes, it is reasonable to suspect that the pain from such break-ups is a factor for some young people.

 

 

Putting that up there just sounds ridiculous. The teen suicide rate has increased because people have become more mean to one another, the internet has been introduced and so many other reasons. If sex is part of the reason it is only a very small part of it. Maybe we should take away all things bad if you want to argue that.

[yellowcal]

Whats funny about the part I quoted is every statistic I have ever seen has shown people who wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse actually have a HIGHER percentage of cheating on their spouse. Why? Because they get curious of what else is out there. Everything you are saying is based on "statistics" that are one sided and just against premarital sex so you can't use something like that in an argument. Until you have a universal study done on the basis of sex, you can't sit here and say sex before marriage causes all of these problems. Maybe I should go use google and find all of these bogus statistics regarding the problems with waiting until marriage to have sex.

 

If you have your beliefs that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, then you do that but don't try to push your beliefs on other people and say it's wrong because it isn't what you would do.

[maritalbliss]

It has nothing to do with what you are trying to argue.

 

haha yes, it truly does... and sadly too

[maritalbliss]

Maybe I should go use google and find all of these bogus statistics regarding the problems with waiting until marriage to have sex.

 

If you have your beliefs that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, then you do that but don't try to push your beliefs on other people and say it's wrong because it isn't what you would do.

 

Whatever you do, I URGE you to look this stuff up on your own and post back statistics supporting what you think about this (or make your own thread if it matters that much to you - which obviously, by how angry you are, this has struck a nerve in you). Go for it! Find those studies proving that sexually promiscuity when in your teens helps in marriage and further down when having sex... I dare you LOL.

 

I'm just posting what I'm finding - since that is what you wanted hahahaha.

You are getting your panties in a twist about it, just b/c my opinions don't match with yours ... its f*cking hilarious

[dragon lady]

link removed ...typical

[yellowcal]

Whatever you do, I URGE you to look this stuff up on your own and post back statistics supporting what you think about this (or make your own thread if it matters that much to you - which obviously, by how angry you are, this has struck a nerve in you). Go for it! Find those studies proving that sexually promiscuity when in your teens helps in marriage and further down when having sex... I dare you LOL.

 

I'm just posting what I'm finding - since that is what you wanted hahahaha.

You are getting your panties in a twist about it, just b/c my opinions don't match with yours ... its f*cking hilarious

 

 

 

The only thing that is striking a nerve in me is people like you who push what YOU believe onto others and if it isn't what YOU believe, it is wrong. Hypocrisy at it's best. You live your life the way you want to live and wait until marriage to have sex all you want but don't sit here and say it is the leading cause of divorce or emotional problems in people when the only "proof" you have is a website geared towards abstinence. Find something that isn't one-sided on either issue and then I might believe it until then your little physicians for life website proves NOTHING.

 

I never claimed having sex before marriage HELPED a marriage, unlike you who claims it can hurt a marriage. Just because someone has sex before marriage doesn't make them "promiscuous".

[yellowcal]

link removed ...typical

 

lol..

[Cognitive_Canine]

'I actually have no regrets from my first time. It was great.

[dragon lady]

I just went through and counted how many people said they regretted it. The number came to 2. Most people said they didn't regret it, so I don't know where you got that idea. I've also never met someone who said they regretted it, unless they were coerced or felt in some way pressured.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I just went through and counted how many people said they regretted it. The number came to 2. Most people said they didn't regret it, so I don't know where you got that idea. I've also never met someone who said they regretted it, unless they were coerced or felt in some way pressured.

 

I don't think I know anyway who regrets their first time either.

 

Most of my friends lost their virginity rather young too (15, 16). I was the late bloomer of the group.

[maritalbliss]

The only thing that is striking a nerve in me is people like you who push what YOU believe onto others and if it isn't what YOU believe, it is wrong. Hypocrisy at it's best. You live your life the way you want to live and wait until marriage to have sex all you want but don't sit here and say it is the leading cause of divorce or emotional problems in people when the only "proof" you have is a website geared towards abstinence. Find something that isn't one-sided on either issue and then I might believe it until then your little physicians for life website proves NOTHING.

 

I never claimed having sex before marriage HELPED a marriage, unlike you who claims it can hurt a marriage. Just because someone has sex before marriage doesn't make them "promiscuous".

 

its funny how you're evading everything I'm suggesting to you to do - and are still so angry when I'm not "pushing my views" on anyone but simply having the balls to post on here knowing well that my views are underrepresented on a forum such as this... You however, have many that take your view and act like you know everything all the while you can not answer ANYTHING that I have asked of you or asked you to do.

 

So I'll repeat what I just said to you, since you seem to not be able to read:

"Whatever you do, I URGE you to look this stuff up on your own and post back statistics supporting what you think about this (or make your own thread if it matters that much to you - which obviously, by how angry you are, this has struck a nerve in you). Go for it! Find those studies proving that sexually promiscuity when in your teens helps in marriage and further down when having sex... I dare you LOL.

 

I'm just posting what I'm finding - since that is what you wanted hahahaha.

You are getting your panties in a twist about it, just b/c my opinions don't match with yours ... its f*cking hilarious "

[maritalbliss]

I don't think I know anyway who regrets their first time either.

 

Most of my friends lost their virginity rather young too (15, 16). I was the late bloomer of the group.

 

according to National studies done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and unwanted Pregnancies, 6 out of 10 teens DO REGRET IT.

 

As I've said time and again, that is 60% people.... just because you don't doesn't mean that as a rule it doesn't affect others the same way, everyone is different and I'm glad for the ones that weren't "negatively affected" but unfortunately, it seems like almost two thirds of the population ARE negatively affected.

 

Just because they are so represented on here doesn't mean these statistics don't exist.

 

And this was a Nationally Accedited study.

[yeawutever]

Of course, I have a completely different opinion of waiting to have sex until marriage - but even aside from that, you shouldn't be having sex until you're really ready to have a baby (by accident)!!!

 

So are you suggesting that sex should only done to make babies only. I don't like kids but did enjoy doing it to my boyfriend. Yes I'm still in the long distance relationship with him, no regrets whatsoever.

 

If I had that concept of waiting until I'm ready to have a baby then the answer would be never, LOL as I don't want kids but do like the idea of a lasting partner (just the two of us).