Is This Meant To Be ?

[Ecliptic]

Well as some of you may know, or those who have followed my other post to this terrific site I have been having some relationship problems. To summarize for those that have not been following... I was hmm let go, released to waviers, or basically dumped about 4 weeks ago.

 

A person whom I've been in contact with off and on for the last 5 yrs, well she moved home recently and was having issues with her realtionship as well. We dated once back in highschool and basically we just seem to enjoy each others company... the day after my breakup we got together and watched a movie and just relaxed. The next weekend we went out again and ended our night with a hug. The following weekend we bought a few movies and just stayed inside watching them... that night we had our first kiss and ended up cuddling all night. It was great ! We just seemed to have this mutual need for someone to hold.

 

We have been seeing each other now for just over 3 weeks but neither of us have told the other that we love them. Im thinking of telling her how I feel Christmas Eve after we go to church. We have had little converstaions about each others X's and well her most recent X seems to only want her for certain things ( need not mention ) and doesn't love her... or if he does he has a funny way of showing it. I on the other hand care quite deeply for her and she loves the idea of being with someone who wants her.

 

Should I tell her how I feel ie telling her I love her or should I just leave things be and see what develops. I must note however that she is somewhat shy to being in a healthy relationship so the word Love would have to originate from somewhere or someone else.

 

Any suggestions on what to do would be greatly appreciated !!

[The Morrigan]

Hey - sounds like you're off to a good start.

 

Relax and take it easy would be my suggestion - you're both healing coming out of relationships, and in the "really getting to know each other" phase. Take mental notes about the problems she had with her relationship that she's told you about - any red flags, or seem like her personality is a good match for yours? Take the time now to really get to know what makes her tick, what interests you share now, or what you can make new experiences for each other, keep going with that comfortable feeling, instead of overwhelming her just yet - depending on her personality, it may well be too soon to go into the "love" statements just yet - which doesn't stop you from telling her how much you love her company and are enjoying finding out more about her! I'd take it easy for a while and get her really comfortable with you appreciating her if she's just come from a relationship she didn't have that - so when you do tell her you love her, she'll know for certain it's her as a whole person, and will be ready to hear it from you personally, instead of the third person. Sometimes it's the littlest things that say the most - noticing her favorite little things and acting on them, even if it's a bag opf gummi bears or her fave candy, knowing if she likes extra butter on her popcorn, things that say you notice what she likes and doesn't and care enough to make a point of remembering them.

[arizonasun]

Well I agree - it does sound like you are off to a good start. Though, I don't have room to talk - my husband and I moved fast, but not without our problems later - I suggest holding off on telling her that you love her. It just seems a bit early. Considering she is shy as well, Let her feel more comfortable with a man that is into all parts of her - not just the sex. Once she starts to open her shell, then I think it might be an appropriate time to say love. (Though that doesn't mean you can't show it).