I really don't understand what's going on in her head

[itsme915]

So, tonight the saga continues as I find out much more about what my ex is up to. She broke up with me a week after she went to college because she didn't want to be tied down and wants to be single. That will be three months ago on Tuesday. Since then, she's had 8 flings, myself included, and is currently going on number 9. By flings, I mean more than a "just friends" type of thing, like kissing, which also includes sleeping in 2 of those peoples beds. Now, all this from a girl whom was conservative, and I was her first love. This new person is not even a resemblance of who she was upon leaving. From what I hear, she has a horrible reputation already. Everytime she is hanging out with a guy, people automatically assume they're together, which, is very sad. I feel bad for her. Sure, I'd love to get back together with her, and I'm giving her time, but, it seems that she's never going to learn from her mistakes.

What is up with her? Does she want attention? To be loved? I don't get it.

[MrKawabata]

Just wondering, but it sounds like "do you really want to know such a person?" I think she is "making up" for what she hadn't had earlier, and she thinks it is a "cool" thing to do. As a result, as you say, it is affecting her reputation in a negative way.

[itsme915]

On one hand, hearing all this almost helps me move on easier, but at the same time, I still care about her as much as ever, and really do still love her. I agree she may think it's cool, or is doing it to try to be liked and fit in. Most of the people in her hall think she needs to grow up. She has said a lot of people talk crap about her, but that she doesn't know why. It's so frustrating to be looking in and seeing everything that's going on, but to see te person you care about be completely oblivious to it all.

[Cid]

Sounds like to me that she is living her life and haveing fun, even if it hurts her rep. Well maby she will grow out of this stage but I say dont whate for her. You should be out there haveing fun too. So get out there and have fun!!

[itsme915]

Could be, I really have no idea what's going on. I'm assuming she will grow out of it, because this is not her at all. And me? I'm not over her yet, so I'm not ready to find anyone new yet. And I'm not going to go out an get revenge on her or anything like that. Instead, I hang out with my guy friends constantly to try to keep busy.

[MrKawabata]

You can't rush the healing process, you'll get over her in your own time. As for her, a really sad case. You tried to help her, but I guess you can't help those who don't want it. thereforeeee, they'll have to learn the hard way.

[Cid]

Just keep going and try not to think about her. remember there is nothing that you can do it is all up to her now.

[itsme915]

My day's are usually consumed by thought of her no matter what I do. Whether it's wanting her back, or worrying about her if she's okay, I still think about her either way. I'm starting to get a little scared that's she never going to wake up and realize what's going on. I mean, it seems like maybe after the first one or two, but, I guess no.

[Cid]

Just give her time that is what she needs, or maby she has changed some times we just change and this is how she is now. Lest hope that it is the first thing.

[itsme915]

I sure hope so. I was really hoping that her being home for three weeks would be the turning point, but, it's not really looking that way, seeing as she's pretty much cut me off since she's started talking to number 9. It's very frustrating, because things were going so good the first few days she was back home.

[Cid]

It sucks when you see someone that you care about hurt them selfs over and over. But remember it is her live and she needs to deside what she is going to with it. She might be over you but it is hard to say.

[itsme915]

It's got to be one of the hardest things without a doubt. I really don't think she's over me, because she hasn't even given herself a minute to be alone and think. She's not giving herself any alone time to even think. Friday I believe it was, she told me she still had feelings for me, too. Not to mention the past three weekends she's come home, we've acted as if we were together. Except now, I'm being replaced I suppose, and am not getting any phone calls or anything. Which, has actually made me feel as low or lower than what I did when she first broke up with me.

[Cid]

I hope that you feel better soon. Just give her time she sounds like she is hideing from her feelings.

[Slagar]

Not to mention the past three weekends she's come home, we've acted as if we were together.

 

Be careful. Don't let her use you like she is using the other guys. It is setting you back in the healing process, and making you feel worse.

This is a really sad story, and I am sorry to hear it, but you don't want to get caught up in this mess.

 

My guess is she emotionally hurting, and/or hiding from her feelings as Cid said, and this has caused her to act quite irrationally. She will eventually realise it, and regret all this.

 

Till then, there isn't much you can do.

[kuhl282000]

Hey brother

 

Stop the counting !!!!!! I think 9 is enough to send you the message she is out having fun and enjoying life. You won't be the one to teach her from her mistakes. She will be the one. You can be the teacher all you want, but if the student is not listening. Stop obsessing on this lady, and dust yourself off and get back in the game of life. Your thinking about her and brooding over her, and she is out dancing with other people. Put on your dancing shoes bro, and go dancing. It's over !!!!!!!! Get on with your life. Will she ever come back ???? Who knows, and who cares ? you can't wait, life is for the living....start living again. Go get em !!!!!!

 

Kuhl

[itsme915]

Yep, I agree. I definitely think she's hiding from her feelings. She doesn't know what she wants, and her going around to all these different guys shows that she's never going to find it.

 

About acting together like we were, I certainly learned the hard way. After the second weekend, I found out she was actually messing around with one of those guys, which really hurt. So, I was strong, and wasn't making any moves on her when she came back last week. I was also kind of carrying on the "don't care" atitude towards her, which really did wonders. She was calling me a lot, and when we'd hang out, she'd initiate everything. I only went along with it this time because they seemed so genuine. I seriously would say we acted more together those few days than we did for those 2 years we were actually together. And then, as soon as this new guy comes along, I'm completely out of the picture. She stops calling and everything. It's sure hard, I tell ya.

 

Not to sound mean, man, but that's sure one thing I hate to hear. Is people telling me to move on and forget about her and everything. Well, if you can actually define "move on", then let me know. I think people use it too loosely. But, if it's taking down all the pictures of us, starting a new hobby, working out, hanging out with friends, and even attend counselling one or two times a week, then I've done that. I don't think it's possible to just forget about someone you care so much about. I doubt if I'll ever completely forget her.

 

And I know that I'm not ready at all to get into the dating game again. For one, I would still feel as if I were cheating on my ex. Why? I have no idea, but it's how I feel. Second, it's just not fair to anyone else. If my ex came back around, I would eventually take her back.

[MrKawabata]

itsme915 is a good committed bloke who loves his girl. Good on you dude.

[bexcelant]

Dude..you are really committed and that's commendable. I know you love this girl even though it's like she's going off and doing all kinds of things to hurt herself and you in the process. Yeah..I hate people telling me to move on too and I'm in sorta the same situation as you. I know I can date and be in a relationship too but like you...I know if she came back..that I would take her back in a second and drop the one I was with. That isn't fair to anyone...sigh Life sure is complicated isn't it?

[Slagar]

Yes, I totally agree... I am in a similar position myself... Love is just like that I guess

For example, read my sig, lol.

 

Good luck

[itsme915]

Thanks.

 

Wow. Well it's sure good to hear that other people agree with me. That way I atleast don't feel like I'm crazy for thinking this is getting ridiculous and still sticking around afterward. I pretty much know where this is headed. Sooner or later, she's going to get burned bad by one of these guys, and she knows I'll be there for her. I've basically got to watch the glass bottl fall on the floor, and once everything has settled, be there to pick up the pieces. Which, bothers me, but, if it's how she's going to learn, then I'm prepared for it.

 

I try to avoid being "most guys", and I don't mean to sound arrogant either. After I heard about everything she's done, I could have gone out and done it all myself to get even, but, that's revengeful, stupid, and wrong, so I stayed away from it. Sure, it may be fun at the moment, but as sono as I woke up and realized what was going on, the consequences would have been all over. And that's after only one fling. My ex is quite a ways past that, I can only imagine how she's going to feel when she's realized everything, and that hurts me to know how bad she's going to feel. This is a good lesson for me, though, since I'm going to college in a few months. I'm seeing how things go down, and learning how to not get sucked into everything bad. I'm trying to keep my pride and honor through all this, and just be the "bigger man".

[hurt in huntingdon]

I am a wreck. I just went through a bizarre and strange situation.

 

I knew this woman online via a few messageboards. I knew she was married, had a child of her own and that her husband had one from his previous relationship.

 

After about a year or so she started confessing and sharing things about her relationship.

 

She flirted and I flirted back. I had never flirted with her as I knew she was married.

 

At a recent point we decided that we needed to see if our feelings were real or not.

 

After a bit of family issues she arrived here. It was a long trip.

 

It was magic. We clicked. We were like peas and carrots.

 

Not only were we compatible and sympatico, we just were plain in love.

 

Yes, the sex was super too.

 

She went back to her family to deal with some closure, and visit the kids. Her daughter, it was agreed, would finish the school year where she was (she's 14) and then come out in the summer.

 

She arrived back and things were better.

 

At least I thought they were.

 

She had a flight to go back for the xmas holiday to be with the kids.

 

Instead she got in her car, and drove back on Saturday.

 

We got up early in the morning. Had very passionate sex. I had to leave, and we kissed goodbye.

 

No warning signs. We never had words. Never had a fight.

 

I left at 10:30 am and arrived back in two hours.

 

She was gone.

 

Left me a message on my computer.

 

Has not called or emailed since. I found out (her husband and I get along) that she did come back as she had mentioned in her email to me.

 

He already has divorce papers ready.

 

I know you can't tell a whole story in one post. I know that it's wrong to ever deal with married people. It certainly wasn't my intention.

 

But I'm wrecked. I could understand a break up. I could understand things not working out.

 

I can't understand just running off like this. I can't understand she having happy sex with me knowing she was leaving.

 

I know she may have some personal issues, but I just feel like she's stabbed me.

 

Hurt in Huntingdon

[DestructoBoy]

itsme915,

 

Your story reminded me of the Sublime song I pasted below (tell me what you think?)

 

...you're a good man and good things will come to you my friend. Be careful with your heart and soul.

 

Sublime's "Hope" Lyrics

 

How can you say.

"you torture me",

When you're already thinking about someone else.

When he comes home you'll be in his arms and I'll be gone.

But I know my day will come,

I know someday I'll be the only one.

 

So now you wait for a spark,

You now it will turn you on.

He's gonna make you feel the way you want to feel.

When he starts to lie,

When he makes you cry you'll now I'll be there.

My day will come,

I know someday

I'll be the only one.

 

Call me selfish,

Call it what you like I think it's right.

To want someone for all your own and not to share their love.

But I'll have my way.

 

You don't stand a chance anyway.

Cause I got to you,

You don't stand a chance.

 

So now you wait for his *beep*,

You know it will turn you on.

He's gonna make you feel the way you want to feel.

When he starts to lie,

When he makes you cry you'll now I'll be there.

My day will come,

I know someday I'll be the only one.

My day will come,

I know someday I'll be the only one.

 

You say you want perfection,

I see your self destruction.

You don't know what you want,

It's gonna take you a year to find out.

I am not givin up.

And when you've had enough,

You take your bruised little head

And you'll come running back to me

I know that I will be the only one.

 

 

 

You're starting college soon dude.....you're going to meet so many flippin' girls its not even funny! Someday she'll realize that she doesn't have you as a security blanket anymore. That's because you WILL find happiness with someone else. Until then I wish you the best of luck and keep hope alive!!

 

take care brother.......

[itsme915]

You sure they didn't write that with us in mind? Heh. Yep, we're actually going to be attending the same college here in a few months. Whether that will bring good or bad, I have no idea, however I can only imagine it being a good thing. Girls girls girls. It's all about girls. I know. But I still have trouble noticing any of them, much les even wanting to be with any of them. And then once I've noticed them, I've got to like everything else about them. I think I'm much pickier now than I ever was because I tend to compare them all to my ex.

[DestructoBoy]

Perfectly normal to think that way my man. I feel the same way right now. I meet lots of girls but none of them are "HER". I feel like I'll never be able to replace "her".

 

But you'd be kidding yourself to think another girl won't come and knock you out of your socks. You're obviously a very deep and caring cat....if this doesn't work for some reason any girl will be lucky to have you. A girl that appreciates you and everything you offer....your security and solidarity.

 

Also, I'm wondering something? Why do YOU want to have someone in your life that makes you so flippin' crazy? I feel the same as you dude but I'm starting to realize (slowly) that she drove me F'n nutz! It hurts so much, I know, but maybe we're much better off without them? I still can't convince myself yet either.

 

I haven't spoken with my ex since the 15th. She knows I'm all alone out here (I moved away from my family and friends). I don't think she'll call me.

Whatever though, it's her loss. And your ex may come to realize that she might lose you and come to her senses, but can you forgive and forget all of these things she's done?

 

Don't contact her. Take away her security blanket. I saw another post you sent. If I were you I wouldn't contact her to "talk" about not contacting her. Just let her go and watch her come back. I never listened to this advice and I'm paying for it now.

 

Keep your head up and keep your "hope" alive. Let some water pass beneath the bridge and eventually you'll see her canoe docking on your shore. OK, that was dumb but I hope you know what I mean.