Is it ok not to tell?

[Hey_Beautiful]

I have been involved in a great relationship for 2 1/2 years. I met a wonderful person who has been my right arm AND left leg for quite a while. We've taken our relationship very slowly, and it has been the most fulfilling time of my life--he's interested in the things that I do, and is never too busy to listen, and I give him all the time in return. I am genuinely happy...

 

We have kept our relationship exclusive and secret--no one knows. He's rather well known in the community, and so am I--we're in the same field. We sat down recently, and had a serious talk about the direction of our relationship, and although we both want to continue to take it slowly, he wants us to finally affirm our relationship to other people. I am so afraid of that, because of our circumstances, this is going to be bad--I have NO intention, however, of halting the relationship because of what other people think.

 

The catch? I'm 21. He's 40. I see no problem with our relationship--we're both college graduates with excellent, well paying jobs (I'm a consultant and he runs his own firm), and we're pretty much equal. I am really afraid of stirring up gossip and rumors, and more importantly, disappointing my parents, who I know will not approve. I can only trust my heart, and know that it feels right to me..I've known him for a long time, and I know that he loves me--he's not a cheesy old guy that is trying to take advantage of me...

 

Do I tell? And should I feel bad???

[enadevoli]

thats a long time to keep a relationship secret. you have to follow your heart here. you can't worry about what others are saying about your relationship cause no one knows the love you both share besides you too, so know else could ever understand it. who cares what they are saying any ways?? they can believe what they want & make up all the stories they want, but the only thing that matters is that you both know the truth. i don't see anything wrong with your age gap as long as you both are happy. i think if he wants to let every one know about your relationship, you should. its not fair to the both of you to keep this a secret. people are supposed to be proud & happy when they are in love & they are supposed to want to scream it out to every one that walks by. you have nothing to hide in this relationship. if you both are strong, you can get through whatever any body cares to think about your love. & maybe they will make up stories, or disapprove, but im sure that once they see how true your love for each other is, they will realize that there is nothing wrong with it & they will be happy that you are happy.

[Cid]

Follow you ahrt on this one but if you love him then let everyone know about it. Who cares about what everyone thinks? It is your life and you should be proud of what your doing. I say tell everyone and live it up.

[The Morrigan]

You're both adults - I can understand not wanting to disappoint your parents, and it may come as a surprise, and not a welcome one at first, but if it's apparent he really loves you, and you him, chances are they'll come around for your sake.

 

He's obviously wanting to show the world he's proud and happy to have you as his partner - and it seems you feel the same. You'll probably get some negative feedback from some people, just like anyone who falls outside their idea of a "conventional" relationship would, but there's a point you can't let other people's prejudices and narrow-mindedness stop you from living your life.

 

You've kept it together for over 2 years - is there any reason it's going to get easier to stop hiding your relationship in six months, or another year? I doubt it. I don't know about you - but I'd rather find out how much of the fear and worry about other's reactions is real, and how much may be building in my head, get it out there, and deal with it, before it turns into something you feel you can't handle and builds up to monstrous proportions in your head. As long as you two are firm in your committment - you can confront any adversity together, and show the doubters by example it's working just fine for you, and maybe open a few eyes. I think you'll be surprised at how quickly people forget to make an issue of it when there's no fuel for the fire, so to speak, your parents may take a little longer, but probably less from disappointment than concern for you - make sure to point out you've made this much of yourself with his support, that you are taking things slow, and you understand that while they are concerned, you're confident of what you're doing, and are taking the time to be certain it's right for you.

 

I'd tell at least your parents though - the longer you wait, the more you're going to make an issue they'll be hurt they were shut out of this part of your life for so long. I think that may be the hardest thing you'll have to deal with, and it's not going to get any easier putting it off longer.

[EmptySoul]

About telling- I think that is something the two of you need to decide together. NO you should not feel bad about being together- if you love/ really care about each other, what other people say, think etc. should not matter. as long as you are happy. Good luck. *Never give up on something wonderful because of what others think*

EmptySoul