i HATE her -- why do women do this?!?!?!?!?!?!

[in_flux]

i am so miserable tonight. my ex girlfriend, who still lives in the same apartment because she won't get off her ass and look for a place, not only dumped me a few months ago but right in front of me she's chattin up guys on her cell phone that she met online ... flirting with them, everything, even knowing that i am right downstairs and can hear everything.

 

i've done nothing to this girl -- i treated her great and genuinely cared for her, and she thinks it's ok to do this crap to me????

 

maybe you're thinking, hell why doesn't this guy just move out? it's not that simple because a) it's my place, i'm paying the rent now b) i don't think i should have to go through the stress and money of relocating and c) i'm on the west coast and am originally from the east coast and thinking of moving back, so i don't wanna get a new place until i decide for sure if i'm gonna stay in this city.

 

but what the hell am i supposed to do? i can't physically kick her out, i'm not gonna like call the cops or something dramatic like that, she knows she has to move out but she's either too lazy or i don't know what ... but i am at my wit's end. what once was an amazing, close, special relationship has deteriorated to such a horrible point that there's no way we can even be friends ... she has no respect for me whatsoever, and like i've said i did NOTHING to deserve this kind of treatment. ANY THOUGHTS???

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Wow man.... I know pretty much exactly how you feel. My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago and about a week before we broke up she was chatting online alot and after we finally broke up she started talking on the phone with the guy she met online. He lived 15 hours away and conveniently moved to our city about 3 weeks later. She would talk hours to him and I was the one paying the bills and everything. Fortunetly she moved out about 2 weeks after we broke up but I still hurt and made me angry hearing her talk to this new guy. And apparently she is still dating that guy from online. The best thing for you to do is to be firm and tell her she has to move out in 2 weeks or something since you are paying the rent and all.

I ended up paying her long distance calls with that guy that lived on the east coast. She would talk to him for like 4 hours sometimes while I was still at home.. It would get me soo angry...

Pretty much you have to tell her to move out as soon as possible or threaten to throw her stuff out.

Good luck man... I know how you feel

[Poltergeist]

Dude, kick her out, the next time she goes out, get all of her stuff, dump them on the front lawn, and lock the doors. If she has extra keys, then talk to the super of your building to see if you can get them changed. Its time to let this witch knows that she is hurting you and that she needs to move out. Once she sees her stuff on the front lawn and that she can't used her keys to get in, she'll get the message. She may scream and yell, but don't subcum to her, just tune her out. watch TV w/ headphones.

[Jamiegirl]

Well heres a womans opinion of this, you have to look at it from her side too. Bascially she probably feels she has no obligation to you or your feeling, its obvious she doesnt care about how you feel( which yes is messed up) But then agian she probably thinks that you should be over her. Have you tryed telling her how you feel about this, or do you assume that she already should know, maybe shes doing this unknowingly, I know this is hard, my ex bf also flirted with guys in front of me right after we broke up. It hurts.

 

My advice for next time that you have a girlfriend, dont move in with her, you dont want this happening to you agian.

 

Good Luck

[enadevoli]

i don't see why you don't just tell her she needs to leave. maybe you have a good reason, but really, she needs to go any way. i mean, you two are not together anymore, so its ok for her to talk to other guys. maybe she is doing it to make you jealous, but if it bothers you so much then kick her out. its not her place, so she needs to go find somewhere else to stay. maybe tell her she needs to be out in 2 weeks or something. give her a deadline to get all of her stuff out.

[Cid]

I would have to say tell her to get out and find her own place and then find someone ealse and try to get over her.

[The Morrigan]

I think I'd have to tell her she can move in with a friend til she can find somewhere of her own, present her with a list of storage facilities in the area (in case she says they don't have room), and give her a deadline. You're not running a motel, she's had two months to find somewhere, and til you make it a priority, she seems like she's willing to stay put - is she even paying any of the rent and bills here?

 

Sure, she's probably going to present said friends with a sob story of how "mean" you are making her find a place to stay - but is that really reason enough to put her up in your place until she decides she wants to move? Most of them have to know she's been there since after breaking things off -they may listen, but unless she gets some other guy wrapped around her finger, chances are it'll be with a grain of salt. And even if they believe her - so what? You have a right to be comfortable in your own place.

 

You've got to draw the line between where you're being "nice" and where you're letting someone use you - intentional or not. Tell her she's moved on from the relationship and you, and she needs to move on from your house too. You're not obligated to keep her there until she feels the urge to move, ok?

[bzborow1]

Yeah you gotta get her outta your place. She's been there for two months, she's not paying (contributing), and your relationship is over. It's pretty clear to me she's not moving out because your her free meal ticket. The storage facility is a good idea if she complains...but moreover, it's not your problem anymore...you are single and as such... you should be thinking of yourself in this decision...no on else...she's a big girl...and if she can't take care of herself do you really want her around?

[in_flux]

how can i get her out of here though? i can't physically kick her out, and i'm not gonna put all her stuff outside ... do i just change the locks when she's at work?! seriously though, i don't want some big huge drama but i want her to go find a new place to live immediately, and i've made that clear to her. yet, day after day, she's either at work or she's not feeling well or she's got some other excuse, or worst of all, she starts getting mad and crying and says she's gonna just kill herself (she's on meds) ... the whole thing is driving me nuts. i am not gonna live with another person for a LONG LONG time after this nightmare.

[The Morrigan]

Grab a copy of the Apartment Shopper's Guide (free), couple flyers from storage facilities, and write out a very nice but formal note telling her she needs to make arrangements to be out by X date, this is NOT a comfortable situation for you, and it's time she start getting serious, no excuses. If necessary, get a third party to mediate for you, but stick to your guns that while you'll be happy to help make it easy for her to get her things and won't make any trouble if she needs to come back to get some of them, she needs to make firm plans to be elsewhere, even if it's another roommate arrangement. Right now, even if it's not starting intentionally, you're getting in the position of being responsible for her problems. Feel the jaws of the trap closing around your ankle? She's sick? Tell her that's fine, but no reason if she's calling her friends she doesn't have time to call the apartments or roommate wanted ads as well, and compile a list in her price range. She made the decision to leave you - even if it means moving back in with her parents, she's going to have to follow through on that all the way and not leave you stuck in this position, because whether she means it this way or not - it IS using you.