weird scared feelings

[radiotone]

i've been posting questions and all of that about my relationship with a girl i met online for 7 months. i'm finally going to meet her on saturday and i know i should of met her sooner. there's just some things about the whole thing that just scares me.

 

last night when we were talking on the phone, the whole conversation started really nice. to finally be talking to her and i mentioned about my little meeting we have planned on saturday. then all of a sudden, we started having a full conversation about us meeting (how we'll be nervous and how to overcome it). then out of nowhere, i start getting really nervous about her being with me. the problem with me is my insecurity with myself sometimes. just how i act towards her. it's happened before on the phone when we're just talking. i'll do or say something to her and her response just tells me that what i did or said was stupid. even though she didn't say that.

 

this is a real problem for me. everytime i take one little thing the wrong way, i start over reacting and have all of these thoughts on how she might not love me. sometimes it gets so out of control, i get so quiet. i really don't know why it happens. i start to get scared on how i might take something wrong that she says (she's sarcastic) and it'll hurt me. but then again maybe that won't happen.

 

it's just before we went through a lot of problems with her trusting me and in the middle of all of that - in retaliation of me lying to her - she said a lot of things that hurt me back a few months ago. hurt me so much, it still affects me. she said she was sorry and was just so outraged that i lied to her. and i do believe i deserve it. i was thinking maybe it could be that (??)

 

does this make any sense? should i just forget about the whole thing and just wait until saturday when i meet her? or should i bring it up?

 

it just makes me so quiet on the phone and so stressed out cause i don't know what it is i'm thinking or worrying about really. and she picks that up and it brings her down.

[enadevoli]

maybe its all just because you haven't officially met her yet. maybe you feel like you don't know her that well, even though you have been together for so long. i think you should just wait until saturday & see how you are feeling after that. obviously she knows there is a problem if she acting like that on the phone, so maybe you should bring it up if it is bothering you. however, that might upset her cause she did say she was sorry & im assuming she really was, but i can't think of any thing else that she could do to make you feel better about it.