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Hurtful breakup EX wants to talk again NEED ADVICE!!


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It's been a difficult breakup. I am 28 years old and have been in a relationship with my now ex-gf for 3 years. We broke up 6 months ago. It was the most heartwrenching breakup ever. I couldn't eat, sleep, and I didn't have the energy to do anything. Some days, I still don't. I think about her constantly and wonder if we will ever get back together again. I have dated other women but no one can compare to my ex and what we had.

Just a bit of background...

we were friends for two years before ever getting together. We did the long distance relationship for 6 months (see, she lives in another state). Then we decided to move in together...she moved to be with me. I knew this woman was my soulmate- she was my love, my life, and my everything. We were together for 3 years then my world crashed.

 

We broke up in June because she told me that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore...and then she told me she had feelings for someone else. And guess what folks...that someone else was a mutual friend. That is what hurt the most. I had to endure living with her for a few months before she left. We wouldn't talk to eachother, we were constantly in and out of our house. I just closed up to her. When she packed up her stuff and moved, there was just an emptiness in me. It was like my heart was torn out and pounded. I was numb to everything. There was so many emotions that ran through me. I was angry, I was hurt, I was sad, and I was happy. I was happy because I knew that she was going home to help her family (her brother is having problems, her mother is ill, her sister is pregnant, and her father just lost his job). She was just under a lot of stress so to move home to be with her family was something I knew she was going to do. I knew how much she loved her family and she would do anything for anyone in need. That's the type of person she is...one of the qualities I loved about her We had talked about her possibly moving home and taking care of things with her family and then I would follow a few months or so after. But now its different. She's moved out, we're broken up, she's seeing someone new- how can i be happy? I'm just left with hurt. I still love her terribly.

 

Now, after 3 months of no communication, she has been calling me constantly. I hear her voice and I cry because I miss her. She tells me she misses me and that she made a big mistake for breaking up with me but not a big mistake for moving to help out her family. I'm not mad about her moving to be with her family in their time of need but I'm just pretty scared about believing her when she says she made a big mistake for breaking up with me. I know she loves me and cares for me very much. I did nothing wrong in the relationship- I was good to her more than words can express and she acknowledges that too. I vowed not to talk to her for fear that my feelings for her would come back and I'd just be depressed knowing that I can't have her because she's with someone.

 

But I kind of broke that and talked to her anyway after not talking to her for 3 months. She tells me she's with no one but she hardly brings up whatever happened to the relationship she had with our mutual friend. She never brings it up. So I don't know if they are still together. So now everytime she tells me she misses me and she still has feelings for me and when she says she still cares and she still loves, I dont know if I can believe that as much as I would like to. Should I ask whatever became of that "friend"?? Then my ex asks me if I want to get back together with her. I told her that she knows how I feel about her and that I didn't leave her, she left me, and so it's her decision. Was that right to ask??? I don't know if she's playing mind games or what but I just am scared to pour my heart out to her without sounding desperate (its not desperation but its just the undying love I still feel for her). Now she wants to see me again- to fly me out to see her. as much as i want to see her, I want for our meeting to be about us getting back together. Should I be blunt and tell her? Should I ask her if she's still seeing that "friend"??? I just don't know because she lives so far away...it seems like everytime when her phone is busy or if she isn't home or what not, I would think that she's out with this "friend" or talking to this "friend" and then I get all depressed again. I can't take it sometimes. And then when we talk she asks me why I'm so depressed. Should I tell her about all that?? About the "friend" - if they're still dating or what not???

I want to go see her and she's willing to pay for a ticket for me to visit her but I just don't want to go there and get hurt again. She tells me she cares, she tells me she stills has feelings for me, and she has asked me if I would like for us to get back together and to think about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I guess I'm just scared of being hurt again. I miss her dearly and I'm so far away from her that I feel that I can't do a damn thing about it. The only closeness I feel is when we talk and that I know that I am still her in thoughts and that she is still in my thoughts. But what hurts is who is between her and I (that "friend")- or is she still in the picture. Should I ask?? and most importantly, should I go visit my ex after 3 months of not being in communication with eachother?? Is that too soon? Man, it's driving me crazy- I love this girl.

I will appreciate anyone's advice. Thank you all for your time.

 

ps. sorry my thoughts might be a little jumbled but it gets like that when my mind is so wrapped up in things. hope someone can shed some light on my situation. thanks. 8)

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I'd have to say we're very similar my friend. I'm 28 too and my posts are all over the place from the emotion I have. (I don't mean that to sound bad) I could sense your frustration and can share in your pain.

 

It sounds like you still haven't healed from this relationship and from the details I completely understand why. It also sounds like you love her very much and are a very caring person.

 

Be careful and really think things through before taking any chances with your heart again. I would wonder why she decided after three months that she made the mistake of leaving you? There seems to be a lack of details as to what happened and why she is feeling so alone suddenly. I don't mean to make you more crazy with your thinking, just trying to have you be cautious and not make rash decisions. Question everything and there's nothing wrong with asking about what happened with the other girl. You need to be very certain and confident that you make the right decisions for the right reasons.

 

I'm not the best with giving or taking advice. I'm just a stupid boy that wants you to know that you're not alone.

 

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

 

p.s. This is a great site. So many people are going through similar situations and are here for you. I'm sure someone will give you better advice than mine, but I hope I helped a little.

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Greetings,

I gather that you are torn about asking about the friend because either 1) you really don't want to know because you're afraid she's still with them, or 2) you are afraid you'll make her mad and she wont' call you anymore.

 

I think you have every right to ask what ever became of the "friend". Why not? Why sell yourself short in the information department... it wasn't your fault. She should have already told you anyway....Especially if you are really contemplating flying out to see her again. My advice would be to ask that question and ponder her response for several days if not weeks, and tell her that you'll have to think about things before giving her an answer as to whether or not you wish to continue communicating with her. She may have been under a tremendous amount of stress with everything going on in her family and just did something stupid (broke up with you) We're all human.... however, that is no excuse to play with your emotions like she did and dumping you in her time of sorrow. People deal with problems in different ways and some people like to rid themselves of every possible extra issue or situation in their lives in order to solve problems.... it is hurtful but for some people, but it helps them focus better.... (this happens a lot when there is a death in the family, etc.) Evidently her family issues demanded more attention than what she could give you, and maybe she felt guilty for that, hence the breakup. I'm not making excuses for her at all, as a matter of fact I personally would not give her the time of day after what she did but I can tell that you really care for her so it is totally up to you to think about her response to your question about the friend and go from there. It's your decision, no one else's.... Good luck.

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