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problems coming


nmarchildon
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hey....

 

this is my problem and well im sure im not the only gal out there with it! my boyfriend have been together for 7 months we love each other and are extremely comfortable around each other. we have geat sex, i mean he makes me feel goooood! but he has never made me come. sometimes i feel so close that man...., but even if our sex would last longer i wouldn't be able to come. sometimes we have quick sex here and there, that i understand, but when we totally get into it, i still don't come. now, if im touching myself i can come in a minute. so i dont get it, sometimes i even stimulate or he will stimulate me manually as we are having sex and nothing (don't get me wrong... they are definitely good times) but i just feel incompetent and im sure that even if he sais otherwise, it bothers my boyfriend a little that i can't reach.

 

any advice/ suggestions/ i've tried hard.... maybe thats my problem? although like i said i am very comfortable and relaxed when i have sex.... i dont think of this to much either while we do it.... sometimes we are stoned and drunk to, which i find sex to be awesome at this state, and since it takes my boyfriend a lot longer to come, i get to enjoy sex for a longer period of time and in a state were sensation is even greater (no i dont have a problem with drugs and alcohol, or do i need to be like this to have sex) but man.... i still don't get there! its like i will never be able to.

help!

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all i gotta say is do drop the drugs and alcohol, trust me is dosen get you anywere. (no im not saying that you have a problem) next is, have you tryed foreplay. this really works because once you get to actually having sex you are already half way there it makes it easier for you and better for both of you. if you have never tryed oral sex maybe you might want to think about trying it, let him go down on you if you(or him) think that is absolutly repulsive then keep to using your hand or try sex toys.

hope i was of help

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You're stressing over this a little bit, and that isn't going to help you achieve your goal. I know there are lots of folks out there who will say it doesn't matter, don't let it bother you, but at some level it is an issue that you want to deal with, so that's fine.

 

You've accomplished the first thing, you and comfortable and relaxed, that's important. I suspect even in saying that though, that you're at the same time concerned about getting there. It's really hard to let yourself unwind from that feeling, and you're likely putting pressure on yourself that's counter productive.

 

You say you can get there if you stimulate yourself manually. That's a good start. Is he in the room when this happens? If not, then might I suggest you think about having him there when you do this. Try it a few times, possibly with him touching you somewhere else, possibly not. Get used to coming in his presense. Depending on how that goes, have him start participating in the actual stimulation. If it doesn't work the first few times, don't worry. Take over after a while and when you get right on the edge, have him participate again. You might have to train him exactly where and how to do it. It may also take a lot longer this way then when you do it yourself too.

 

Anyway, try working along those lines. Try to have your bf understand that this is a wonderful learning process for both of you, with a rather rewarding goal at the end of it, but it isn't just going to happen on it's own. It needs both of you to be relaxed and encouraging.

 

Don't get concerned at all right now about coming during actual sex. Leave that for now. Many women never do. One nice way for things to work out is (eventually) have him stimulate you manually or orally first, until you get there, then proceed to having sex. Women can do it that way around, no problem. You'll both get great enjoyment out of it.

 

Contrary to what the other poster said, I have found that often a drink or two does help a woman who normally has a difficult time. I think you know as well as anybody else that anything in excess though will not actually help.

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Girlfriend, you say you have a problem, but you are totally normal.

It is a majority of women that don't get orgasm from vaginal sex.

i.e. it is the freakish minority that can get their rocks off vaginally and even they probably need some skilled partners as well.

 

So relax,

As the other posters said, get yourself revved up first with other foreplay, yourself and other things.

 

If he is a gentlemen he should take care of starting your engine before his, since his engine is a Dragster while yours is a smooth Indy car.

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

you really should try letting him perform oral sex on you, if you haven't done that already.

another thing you could do is experiment with different positions when the two of you are having sex. i find it much easier to orgasm if i'm on top, because then the clitoris gets stimulated as well (you might have to maneuver yourself around just a bit, like tilt your hips back a little (not your whole upper body, just your hips) and rock back and forth instead of going up and down)

i hope this helps!

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