Christmas Blues....

[DoctorWu]

Hello Friends,

 

I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I need objective help to solve it. This involves two other people who we will call Jane and Jim. Jim and I have been best friends for over 3 years and talk/hang out almost every day. Jane works with me and we developed a close friendship over the past 6 months to the point where I was attracted to her. I told her this and we are working through it to maintain the friendship.

 

Here's the dilemma. Jim just lost his job (a live-in caretaker at a mansion) and needed a place to stay. Jane offered Jim a place to stay until he gets another job and gets back on his feet. Jim knows that I like Jane and asked me if it would be ok if he stays with Jane (we all hang out in the same circle of friends). At first, I said it was ok with me (what could I say -- puts me in a bad spot) but know I'm having second thoughts. Part of me feels slighted by both of them because of my feelings towards Jane. Although all of us have talked about it, I still feel uneasy. My question to the masses is, how should I handle this situation? I want to keep these friendships but my pride feels violated in some way. Should I keep things status quo or cut my losses? Please help!!! - DW

[Beec]

You are attracted to her, but are notinvovled and there is no intent for the two of you to become invovled? Is that the situation? If you had a "relationship", other than friends with Jane, you would probably be feeling a littl jeaous and insecure. That would be normal and something to bring to Jane. But it appears you are just friends with Jane, so what is your complaint? Your jealous of Jim living with Jane, who you want but are not going to have? Are you going to be jealous of every guy who is dating a woman that you find attractive? So, they both know you like Jane. It's not going anywhere. If I got it right, then get over your issues by yourself and maintain the status quo.

[The Morrigan]

Hey - they aren't responsible for your feelings towards her - she's offering a friend a place to stay, no strings. I can understand it if you're feeling a little "left out of the loop" as a friend, but that should be the extent of it, and things like this do come up in groups of friends, like when a couple of friends become roommates and are spending more time hanging out than the rest of the group. It's something you're going to have to come to terms with - or end up losing a lot of friends in your lifetime. Take a little step back and put yourself in his shoes for a minute - I'd think right now being out of a job the last thing the group of you needs is a fracture in the friendship.

[DoctorWu]

The Morrigan and Beec,

 

Great advice! I love this site because you can get objective advice which is what I need with things like this. I've decided to let go of the issue and not worry about it anymore. I still will feel "out of the loop" at times but I'll try not to take it personally. Thanks again for all of your help!!! - DW