What lessons I have learned! Please read!

[Boromir]

Hi everyone,

 

I wanted to share with you some things that has happened to me over the last month or so in regards to the events in my life and how this site has helped me.

 

To make a super long story short, my exgirlfriend and I broke up in June and I had a hard time getting over it. It was bad. I really got pathetic. The sad thing is I broke up with her because things had gone badly and we didn't have a future, but then I wanted her back. She broke up with me a year before, and even though we got back together a few months later, it was never really the same. I didn't trust how she felt about me, nor did I think she was over the reasons she broke up with me, nor did I believe that she wouldn't do it again. It was a confusing and stressful mess.

 

What surprised me the most about reading the posts here is how hard it was for some people to move on. It is amazing how much we put these loved ones on a pedistal. I thought I was the only one who was insane enough to think my life wouldn't ever be as good without her as it was when we were together. The sad truth was, as great as a girlfriend she was most of the time, she had some issues I didn't like, and I also realized that I would have to give up some things in my life that I really wanted to do some day in order to stay with her. She said that she never wanted to get married or have kids, which could one day change, but at the time I thought, hey, I'd like to do that sometime. I gave up that idea though to be with her. I felt like I was settling. . . We were two different people that complimented each other well, but she was no longer the girl I fell in love with, that is so obvious now.

 

Anyway, I accidently found this site one day writing a final letter to her. I wish I had found it a year and a half ago when we first broke up, as I know I would never had gone back to her after reading some great advice now. I regret going back. I regret the stupid decisions I made too.

 

The main reason is because before we broke up I was seen as a pillar of strength among the people that knew me. I spent a lot fo time talking to people about their problems and what they needed to do, and it seemed like I was really good at it. Then when I let my life fall apart, I became a shell of my former self, and carried a lot of shame about it. I thought, what can I offer anyone? It really devastated me.

 

Anyway, it wasn't until I read some very desperate posts here where I understood what that person was going through that things changed for me. For the first time in a year and a half I gave some advice. Then I gave some more. It wasn't like I was arrogant, just that I learned from my experience and shared it. I couldn't believe the impact it had on me. It was like, "Hey stupid, why don't you follow your own advice for once?"

 

I have never gone to a support group, so when I have been depressed before, I talked to those who weren't depressed, and sometimes what they said did carry much weight. Here I have felt everyone's pain and have gone throught the healing process at the same time. It has been an uplifting experience.

 

So now if you are going through some hard times, believe me it does get better. I thought my ex was the world and that I couldn't survive without her. What was going through my head???? I am not sure that has to do with loving her, but my own self worth. I think my crashing at the end had more to do with than her. You see guys, you shouldn't have to prove you are worth it to someone, if they love you than it is easy. I think if they come back, they are settling because things didn't click for them right away, and they want something familiar. Sometimes this isn't the case, but many times it is.

 

A friend told me something very interesting:

 

"There are people who will be in you life for a short time, give you something, and then leave.

 

There are others who will be in your life for three or four years, make you a better person, and then leave.'

 

The rest will be in your life forever."

 

It still blows me away. I guess I came to the realization that I was letting something that was only lasting 3-4 years get in the way of everthing that was going to be in my life forever (like family and friends - OR, my next girlfriend!). What is more important? Past? Present? Or Future? I was living in the past remembering good times and ignoring that things between us in the present sucked. It was that simple. Then I was making things harder for me in the future by not letting go.

 

Now I don't ever want to see my ex again, not just for the game she played with me, but also so I don't have to be reminded what an idiot I was. I have learned from it, I am a much better person from it, and more amazingly, my next girlfriend really wont be able to appreciate why I am such a great guy because she wasn't there to see it all happen.

 

I am interested in someone else now, and even if it doesn't workout I know there are others out there. There is more than one person for everyone.

 

Just remember when you are going through a tough time, just try to smile, always keep your chin up, and don't do things that will hurt yourself. Time DOES heal everything.

 

Good luck everyone, and many thanks.

[dnsking]

the same thing has happened to me and although my ex and I still talk, she currently has a BF, i feel the same as you do now....i wanted her back as soon as possible now i think it will never be the same and im thinking about her less and less and im actualyl having fun meeting new people... life does get better with time and i too cant believe how dumb i was to think she will change, so far shes hasnt and probably never will....

 

great post.

[avman]

Thank you Boromir for sharing your story with us.

 

I am so pleased to hear that you have recovered and things are going well in your life now.

 

Good luck in your relationship and congratulations on your successful journey!

 

avman