I don't know what to do to make my heart stop hurting

[sandra_b]

I've never posted in a forum of any kind berore, so I don't know why I'm doing this, but I found this place last night while I was searching the web for help with dealing with the end of my relationship with my friend/boyfriend.

 

I don't even know where to begin. I found out yesterday that the guy I've been seeing for the last year is also seeing someone else. So last night I asked him about it and he told me that he couldn't be with me anymore and that he has realized that he just can't be what I want and that he doesn't have time to give me the attention that I need.

 

I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but I'll explain a little more about him and I.

 

First off, we've never discussed any sort of relationship things, so he couldn't possibly know what I want. He just opened a restaurant and I know he's busy alot, so I've also never asked for any of his time. He was always the one who would call me. We would see each other about once a week and that was fine with me. I am also busy with my own life.

 

I started writing this and there is just so much that I want to explain that I can't seem to keep this from being the size of a book. I guess I am once again trying to make excuses for him, so I deleted it all and I'll try to keep it short.

 

We've been friends for the last 10 years and the thought of never seeing him again is killing me so much that I'm finding it hard to breathe.

 

A month ago I found out I was pregnant (I am on the pill). We decided that it was best that I not have the baby. I didn't want to do it, but I am in such a tough spot right now. I have a five year old (who is my whole world, she is the reason I am alive today because I probably wouldn't be if it wasn't for her) and I am not receiveing any support from her father (he isn't even around and DCSE can't seem to locate him) and we have no money to pay bills and things are just not good right now. So there was no way I could afford to have another baby when I can't hardly take care of the one I've got.

 

So besides the fact that I am all messed up with guilt about what I've done, I now have to deal with it alone.

 

I've had a weird feeling about him and I since Halloween and now I know that I wasn't being crazy or hormonal. Aparently he had been seeing her since then I found out. He owns a restaurant and he's been acting funny about when I should come by and when I shouldn't. He thought I was going to come down and see him Saturday and so when I showed up on Friday, he had his other girl there. I did play around with him a little because he had me upstairs and she was downstairs and he just kept running up and down between the two of us. I know that isn't nice, but at the time I thought it was kinda funny watching him. Anyway, I told him that I needed to talk to him after work and he said he couldn't because he had plans. His plans after work used to be me. So I confronted him about what I had heard and he said it was true. He said he loved me but that it wasn't going to work. I told you the rest of what he said above.

 

I feel so stupid and I should have known better. I know I will be okay eventually, but god, this hurts so damn much.

[enadevoli]

im very sorry to hear about what you are going through. i understand how hard this must be for you, i mean, i haven't actually been through any thing like what you are experiencing, but i do understand how hard it must be. it does help to talk about it though & thats why this site is so great, because every one here will listen no matter what & we will try our best to give you the best advice. this guy that you were with is a jerk for what he did to you & you deserve so much better. i know its probably too soon for you, but there are great guys in this world who would never do some thing like that to you & thats the kind of guy who is worth it. im glad to hear that you have a daughter who you love so much & she makes you so happy. she will help you get through this. talking to people & writing in journals & finding hobbies & doing stuff with your daughter & other people who you love will help you to get over this, but it will take time.

[avman]

Hello sandra_b and welcome to eNotalone,

 

I am very sorry to hear about your current situation. I'm sure it must be very painful to be going through this right now.

 

I understand you are healing from an abortion. I want to tell you that you do NOT have to deal with this alone. Not only do you have us here on this site, but I would like to suggest to you that you visit a counselor to help you. I understand money is very tight, but there are many free or very low cost clinics that will be able to give you counseling to deal with things. Planned Parenthood is one place to start. I can help you locate others if you would like to send me a private message.

 

The breakup of your relationship is another matter. Although you are hurting from what your ex did to you - from what little I have heard so far it sounds like you will be much better off in the long run. Take things one day at a time right now. It will take awhile for you to heal from this. The counseling will also help you in healing from this.

 

Finally, forgive yourself. You have said you feel stupid and you should have known better. Well, you didn't know better - right? Now you do - but that can only help you moving forward. It doesn't change anything that happened in the past. So forgive yourself for not knowing better. You have learned and grown as a person. Now you are smarter for the next situation you face - right?

 

I am glad you joined us here. Please let us know what else we can do to help you.

 

avman

[eppenta]

omg that is so sad i'm sorry to hear that this has to be rough especially with a broken heart. that was wrong on his part to be doing such thing like that. and being pregnant on top of it is got to be the worst well i hope oneday you find that wonderful man that you deserve. take it easy and cry it all out if you have to. never hurts to cry. one day your heart will heal trust me mine did when i had my heart broken but it will take time.

 

i give my cyber hug to you hon

[thatguy04]

Try finding someone thats worth staying with, and wont hurt you like that guy did. Keep in touch with the site, were here to help as much as we can .

[musicguy]

sandra_b, you DO deserve much better. I'm sorry that you are going thru a lot right now and things will be better. Keep your head up. Welcome to enotalone too there are a bunch of great people on this site and they are all very helpful, caring and willing to help anyone in need. Keep us updated on your situation and keep on smiling

[sandra_b]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I was doing better earlier when I was keeping my self busy, but now my daughter is sleeping and it's late and I can't stop crying and I can't sleep and I don't know what to do. We used to spend Sunday's together and this is just killing me. I hate myself for being this sobbing cry baby. I don't let people get close enough to affect me so that when they leave, as everyone seems to do, it won't hurt. I'm being crazy and I hate it. I know he won't call, but I keep waiting for the phone to ring, even though I know it won't be him. If I know this, why do I keep thinking it? I just don't want to think about it anymore and I want to stop this stupid crying. I've been reading other people's posts and now I'm crying for all of those people too. God, I'm just feeling so sad for everyone. How can people do this to each other?

[Klementine475]

Hey there,

Please don't stress over feeling sad and crying, its perfectly normal, I'm sure you havent slept well since the break up or eaten well + you have to take care of your daughter and to top it all you have to deal with this break up so trust me, the fact that you're still able to sit in front of the computer and spell words and write something that makes sense assures me that you're being strong and keeping it together and you'll keep doing that cause you are strong. Yes its Sunday and you're missing the times you spent together, but you don't need him to enjoy your day, you can do all sorts of things on your own that you couldn't do when you were with him, try to get together with some of your girlfriends it helps, or just spend some time on your own to clear your head, read a book - it helps me forget about my ex for a bit when I read and its important to have a break from thinking about it at least once a day....

And trust me its completely normal for you to expect a call from him, everyone here are humans with feelings and they all have a little spark of hope in them that maybe they're ex will call, including me, but I've been told that time helps and that one day you just stop hoping and get on with things...so we just need some patience... trust me, you're doing fine and if you feel like crying don't stop yourself, you're free to do whatever you want now.....stay strong.

Anyway good luck, and let me know if you need anything...........