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my random thoughts


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im about to give up. i can't take it anymore. i really try to reach out to people. I try to hang out with them. I call them several times a week. I ask if they want to do stuff together, take classes together. i finally quit my job, finally got a new one that i want. i aced 5 interviews straight. i have a great personality. i present myself nicely. im sick of being so alone. ive decided to work all morning and go to school all night next semester. gotta keep myself as busy as possible, full time work and full time school. just so i have something to do and not feel so * * * * ty about my life. its so hard. i just wish i have a couple good close friends.

 

i really try. I didn't listen to sad music for 3 months. till tonight. i quit a compulsive addiction for 2 months. tonight i relapsed.

 

i try, really try so hard. talked to so many people. no one wants a * * * * in new friend or what?

 

i don't want to give up. but i really do. it would be so easy just to stop. go back to my addiction, it fills the void. it tells me i don't need friends. it tells me im not alone. it helps me block out my senses. it takes my free time away . but it is sloppy. it wants to be the only thing in my life. it doesnt give me time for anything else...its too dangerous to go back.

 

but...if i enjoy 1 sec of every day. if i take an hour to type a sentence. at least there's some progress. i can't give up.

 

end random thoughts.

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I hear you. I feel this way sometimes. I also have a great personality, etc. yet not so many friends. Or let me put it this way: I have friends.. just not ones I can fully open up to.. But I say "work with what you do have."

 

Where do you work? I remember before when I used to work a part time job I made friends at work, just not friends whom I hung out with, but still it was nice.

School/college... not an easy place to form cliques but I wouldn't try too hard. Just make small talk in class, maybe offer to study together?

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Keep trying!! Don't give up- it takes time. But it WILL happen eventually, as long as you keep on building on what you've already accomplished.

 

I started with nothing a year ago. Only two friends that I saw about once a week. The rest of the time I spent completely alone, only going to classes. It took me several months to get to where I had a group of friends. Now, a year later, I have a solid group of friends. I even had a boyfriend for a few months - when, a year ago, I was completely alone and honestly thought I would never have friends again.

 

I had to actually put myself out there... go to parties alone, ask the few casual friends I had if they wanted to go to random events that would be fun, etc. It took a long time and it was HARD. I wanted to give up so many times, I thought "I have been trying so hard for weeks and weeks, and still no one wants to be my friend and no one invites me to do anything".

 

But you just have to keep going and make sure to build what you already have.

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Thank you haven, that makes me feel a lot better. Right now I only have two people that I see once a week, and that is if make the effort to contact them. I hope I can get there like you in a year. I can't imagine living like this forever. cross your fingers.

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