Not sure what to do

[Kalid]

I apologize if this turns into an overly long post, however I have a rather unfortunate problem in my current relationship, being that in the last few days I've really looked at things and am beginning to realize that she's emotionally abusive and overly controlling.

 

There are many examples;

 

1 - When we fight I always get the blame no matter what.

 

2 - She expects me to _always_ (ie daily) choose being with her over others, as she does not like my friends of family.

 

3 - If I don't do something she wants, or even suggest that I might not then she either tries to put me into a guilt trip, gets emotional/angry, or both until I agree. If I still don't give in, she ignores me, tells me not to touch her, and goes on about how she works so hard to make me happy and "this" is how I repay her. It's rare that I don't want to do what she wants anyway, but virtually every time she acts that way.

 

4 - Issue 3 again, only about sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex, but there are times I simply don't want it. The real problem here is that she's a hypocrite, if I want it and she doesn't, there is none. If she wants it and I don't, she'll flip out until she gets it.

 

5 - Right now we've seen each other every day since we met, which is fine, but realistically sooner or later my schedule will entail a day apart from her. Now she claims this is okay, but any time there's a threat to us not seeing each other she gets pissy and starts blaming me.

 

6 - She won't accept responsibility for any of the problems in her life, it's always someone else who is being an ass, etc.

 

7 - Recently I received news that my aunt is quite sick, and as a result I and my family may not be around on Christmas morning, and thus contrary to our earlier plans I may not be able to go over to her place at the time she had wanted. Now I respect that it's a meaningful day to her, but all she could say is "If you're not here at that time, I'm going to be pissed. We made plans and now you're going and changing them." Well uhm.. it's not like I chose for my aunt to get sick, it's not as though I planned that solely to ruin her day. Further more I'd even go out of my way to pay for a ride back on Christmas evening to see her before the day is out (my family plans to come back boxing day) but that's not good enough.

 

8 - for that matter, it seems like nothing I do is ever good enough.

 

 

Anyway I better stop or else I'll be typing here all day. The point is I've tried talking to her, it didn't and doesn't help. Other than trying to talk to her about it now and then I've been pretty much just bearing it, hoping it will get better though it is getting worse. She won't admit there's a problem unless it's my problem. I know my psyche has pretty much had it, and I guess the simple solution would be to break up with her? That's never as easy as it seems though for some reason, there's a good person in her that shows up every now and then whom is great to be around and very loving, it's just that I don't get to see that version of her very often.

[lil_mamarains13]

From my past experience of emotional abuse I would get out while you can. The longer it goes on the more beat down you feel mentally. You start getting depressed, and you see less and less of her good side. She is choosing to be like this, and it is very disrespectful. If she cannot understand you wanting to be with you ill aunt (I hope she gets better) on Christmas she has some issues she needs to deal with. I have been on the same ride you are, mine turned really extreme, and got really bad. I don't want you to find yourself in that situation. If you want to talk more privately you can PM if you wish.

[Cid]

Yes you need to get out asap.