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How to bring up "Where is this relationship going"


P964
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Ok I have been dating a girl for 3-4 months, we both love each other a lot, and we have pretty much been living together for the past 3 months. We both have our own apartments but I basically only use mine to change and take a shower. We are in our mid 20's and have both had a lot of relationships, and we've both had long term relationships. I would like to ask her to get engaged but i'm not sure what her reaction would be. She expressed a desire to get married and have a family with me a few times but its always been after we've had a few drinks. She always said that she was afraid to bring it up for the same reasons that I was, in that I might think it was to much to soon. Maybe this was just the liquor talking who knowns (I tend to 2nd guess myself about everything) but she has said things in the past like wanted to be with me forever. Its not like a "hey lets get married" (drunk talk) its more like "I've been thinking about this for awhile and ..."

 

I am very much in love with this girl and have known from the day I met her that she was something special and that we just clicked. Our present situation somewhat scares me a little in that we are basically living together and there is no commitment. I'm not a fan of living together before marrage but it just sort of happened.

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I would say go for it because what is the worst that could happen. She might say no, but if you two are that close maybe she just wants more time to be positive that you want to be with her for the rest of your life and she wants to be with you for the rest of her life. I have been dating a guy for about 3 months, and we have told each other we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. I doubt he would go off and want to get married because I don't see that ever happening, but I would go for it because then you may wind up asking yourself what if. Good Luck!

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Generally, I think couples should wait to get married. I've had a few long term relationships, and I've found that a person's true personality doesn't show until you've known them for a year or so. Then again, some people may be better judges of other's genuine charachter than I. I'd say it depends on how long you've know this girl. If you've been friends for a long time, or even a year or so, I'd say abdsolutly go for it. If she loves you, the worst she will say is "Not yet, I'm not ready". If you've just met this girl, I would suggest giving it a little more time. You might even see how she reacts to you suggesting that you go look at rings.

 

Good luck!

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If you want to make your intentions plain without being too pressuring too early - you can always ask her if she'll accept a promise ring, telling her you like where this relationship is going, and you hope in the future she'd consider accepting a proposal from you - and in the meantime, you want her to know you love her and this is something you hope to build towards. I agree it's probably a bit early to propose marriage per se, you don't want her or you to have any doubts it was too early when you take that step. But if she's having the same fears about what you feel in the relationship, this could be a reassurance of your committment, without being the formal proposal that doesn't leave any room for thinking about "what ifs".

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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...

I agree with the poster that says to wait. You sometimes see things within the personalities of people that will amaze you over time.

 

I lived with this guy for 3 years and I thought for a long time that I knew him. He ended up leaving me $11,000 in the hole, screwed my car insurance record, accumulated $2,500 in parking tickets with my car. He swore he would pay it back all that time.

 

I had no idea even in the first year what this guy was like. I could imagine if I had joined accounts and assets with him. I'm glad I waited.

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