Lost a friendship.

[LadyInWaiting]

Ok, lemme sum up what's been going on in the past two weeks for anyone that has not read my other two posts...

 

I've been crushing on this guy for over 2 years. After getting transfered to the same department he is in, we got to know each other better and found out that we have common interest. So over the past month or so, we got kinda flirty, but never anything serious.

 

The week I came back from vacation (last Monday) I was told by a co-worker that my crush's girlfriend was pregnant and that they we getting married (I had heard him say on two separate occasions that he didn't have a girlfriend. The thing is, his g/f is upper managment and their relationship is a no-no.)

 

So last week, I was mad. I figured the only way to make it through (I will transfer to a different department in January) was to not talk to him at all. Well, that's going perfectly. He must have figured that he messed up because he hasn't said one word to me. But this week, it's starting to hurt. I mean, we did get along, and we know a lot about each other. And I don't hate him or his girlfriend. And I figure they love each other, so I'm happy that they both found love. I just don't know how to get us back on talking terms again. It was nice last week being the one to ignore him, but this week, I feel like I'm being ignored.

 

So do you guys think I'm being stupid? Should I just stay away from him til I transfer? Or if I hang on a little longer, will this new pain go away? Because it's starting to hurt (I guess this is my first broken heart?)

 

Thanks!

[Ebowski]

This guy has a problem.

 

If you read the posts I put up, it may seem like I am a heartless SOB, but this guy's actions are not cool at all.

 

He should have told you he had a girlfriend. Sure she is upper management, but he doesn't have to introduce the two of you. Sounds like he was trying to get some side action behind his preg girl's back.

 

And that's wrong in itself. You like this guy after he did that to her? Imagine what he would do to you. Let this one go, and forget about him. I know two years is a long time, but a bad investment is a bad investment.

 

I wouldn't transfer everytime you have a problem with one of your co-workers. You will be all over that place. I hate most of the people I work with, but I deal with it.

 

Hold your head up and stop the flirting. This guy needs a major attitude change, and it looks like a baby isn't doing it.

[crinklecat]

Here's some interesting thought. If he is getting married to the girl who is in upper management, he will most likely need to quit because of the role of the girlfriend in the company.

 

He doesnt sound like a very nice person when you think about it. I know its hard, because as we speak I am going through the same thing, but you deserve better. Would you want to be with someone like that? I don't know but with my experiences with dating, that doesnt sound very trust worthy.

 

I know it's hard to let someone go. Im so there right now with somewhat similar circumstances. I was dating someone who we got along well and knew a lot about each other and then bam he dumped me. I am grieving over the friendship the most. I hate that emotional roller coaster. If you want to pm we we can talk about it if you like It sounds like the hurt of the friendship not working out to your liking is mighty similar. And yes, it is a broken heart.

 

If you want to vent and talk about it pm me.

 

 

Wishing you strength!

Crinklecat

[The Morrigan]

Hey, I gotta agree with ebowski on what he's saying here...

 

He hid his relationship like a guilty secret and his actions were not the ones of a caring bf with his girl about to have his child. Whenever you start thinking about liking this guy - remember, you could be in the position of his girl, and I sure don't think that would be a fun place to be; I'm sure she's heard rumors at the least of his behavior, and it's certainly not the kind to encourage security and trust.

 

It's easy to fall into the mindtrap of "but he might act different with me." Unfortunately, he will change only when he is ready to, and it won't be because someone else gently leads him down the right path, it'll probably take a much ruder awakening. Like maybe BOTH of you ultimately telling him where to stuff it, or at least deciding he's not worthy of you. His actions are those of a player right now - and you'd both be better off without him, honestly.

 

If you think about it, there are many ways he could've made his relationship with his gf acceptable - as long as she wasn't his immediate or departmental superior, management shouldn't have had issues with it. Requesting a transfer to another department, or even looking for another job, or sitting down with personnel and explaining they were getting married and asking for the protocol and all are all reasonable alternatives to just hiding the relationship - PLENTY of people meet and marry from workplaces and don't keep it secret THIS long! Think about it - he's going to have to make arrangements for his health and life insurance benefits and beneficiaries to change - it'll certainly come out then if not before, so this strikes me as more of an excuse (and a rather worn one at that).

 

You can do much better than someone who doesn't mind enjoying the benefits of appearing single when in reality he's got a baby on the way and a marriage in the offing - start reminding yourself repeatedly of this, and look forward to that transfer and a fresh start.

 

As far as talking to him - I'd only do so as far as maintaining being civil til you leave, I sure wouldn't go out of my way or be the one to initiate talking to him.

[LadyInWaiting]

Ok everybody, thanks for the advice. You all are terrific. I just wanted to clear up some issues that probably got lost in the summary...

 

Everyone at work now knows that my crush and his g/f are pregnant and getting married (they had to clear everything with the corporate office).

 

I don't want to flirt with him or even get involved with him, I just hate that we had such an abrupt ending to our "friendship" (but I am accepting it).

 

And I'm transfering because I received a promotion in early October (they've just had trouble finding my replacement). My transfer to another department has NOTHING to do with this guy.

 

But truly, thank you for all of your help. I really appreciate it!