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Rest Stop Memoirs (not really a poem)


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The ride home from work

It seems so pleasant

The wind in your hair

the driving music, oh so loud

Then it hits you!

Your stomach gurgles

Then it goes away

Phew, thank God

You're so far from home

Traffic stops, must be something ahead

It hits you again

It doesn't go away this time

Don't panic, deep breath

Oh no not gonna make it, need a bathroom

Please protect me as i weave in and out of traffic

I'll get a ticket if i get on the shoulder

I don't care, im gonna go for it

Speed up the shoulder, pray nobody opens their door

Pray theres no police around

If they only knew my dilemma

Next rest stop one mile ahead

Gurgle gurgle gurgle, im not waiting

Floor the gas,

Oh there it is, THANK YOU

Oh no, the reason for this traffic, the guy in the shoulder, stalled

gotta get around gotta get around gotta get around

ok got around, back to the shoulder

ut oh, there's a cop

he spotted me, here he comes

get a ticket, and go in my pants or make it to the rest stop, go, get a ticket and maybe arrested

i'll gun it

heres the rest stop

run run run to the bathroom

theres a line, oh no, oh my God, what am i going to do

i can see the policeman outside, he's probing around for my car

i've got 30 seconds left to do something or it's gonna get messy

look at the men's room, long line,

i push through the line, surely all the stalls aren't taken

one stall open, yes yes yes, oh my god photo finish oh my god

door slams open

covered with pee, hair and a foul stench unimaginable

run get some towels, wet them, lil soap

man runs into my stall

SIR SIR SIR SIR, Please sir i really have to go

So do i

Sir you don't understand, i'll give you money, please let me go

how much?

Here's ten dollars, please please, let me in, excuse me

drop the money on the pee covered floor, umm sorry




ten minutes later


slooowww down

back outside, done, no pressure, feel so much better

Oh my God, my CAR! the Cop! what if.......

phew, there it is

And there's the officer, leaning against my door, sippin coffee

Heres your ticket son, you got a bad tail light, get that looked at, hope it all came out ok...

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