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Just broke up, need some advice


Heartopen
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Hello everybody,

Hi, well here is my story... I have been going with this wonderful girl for awhile now, she is basically my first "true love", but she has a problem with commitment and a bad trust issue... Well, I knew this going into the relationship because we were friends long before we decided to persue a relationship together, and I thought that it would be worth it, and we could work past it, or make me work harder for this perfect girl We have alot in common, and even share friends which makes this breakup all the worse!

 

Anyway, lately for about the past month we seem to be drifting farther and farther apart. With her family, plans, and I working it made it really hard to find some time to spend with her, which I tried every moment I had. Well, a few days ago I asked her what was going on between us instead of riding the heart ache out... Well, in the end of the 4 hour conversation she made it pretty clear that she wanted to end this due to "never being able to see each other anymore"... She gave me this long drug out explantion about how she has a problem with commitment, she said, "This has happened in my other relationships, once I lose that feeling that you get at the beginning where everything is good, I lose it.. It's like once I lose my crush, I lose it all.."

 

I want her back, I didn't want our relationship to end.. I have called her, but to no avail.. I have talked to her, and basically it seems things are back to where they were before we had a relationship.. I can still talk to her about things, but not in the same way as I could.. She is a really hard girl to figure out, I don't want to seem obsessive because that is what happened in her last relationship, but I don't want to lose her!!!!!! She is afraid of "love", it scares her, and personally it scares me, because I have fallen in love with her and it hurts way too much to let go..

 

I want to let things lay for a bit before I tell her, and she will be leaving for 3 weeks, soon to be with her family for Christmas. Every day I wait it hurts more... I have already made plans with my employer to let me have weekends off, but if she doesn't want to be together this will all be another failed attempt... I want to go all out to make this relationship work, I have even considered moving if this does not work out... It is just too hard to see her with my friends and to see her with another guy when she finds one...

 

Thanks in advance, any advice is welcome... And yes, any strong moves to make ammends will probably make things worse.

 

Always,

OpenHearted

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Hey,

This describes my situation, too, except that we are still together but don't seem to be as close. I can really identify with her commitment and trust problem, despite my best efforts to make things work. Any good replies to this and the above excellent post, would be greatly appreciated!

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Well my girlfriend just brloke up with me a couple of weeks ago also! The toughest thing in the world to me too. All I can tell you is the best thing for me was to make one last call and let everything off youf chest, when I say that, I mean tell her "How exactly did we do to come to this?" get the answer, then tell her "thanks for the time we spent together, I appreciated all the love that you gave me, and that you respect your wishes on whatever she needs to do with her life, be supportive and tell her hopefully in the future things will work out between you two, lastly tell her that you will always love her and bee there for her if she needs you". THen stop calling her!

Telling her all of this and finding out where the realationship went wrong will KIND OF give you closure. Now you know that if she wants you back, its all up to her, I haven't called my ex in about 4 days, its tough but I just keep in there waiting for the time to pass. When the time is right for you get back together she call and its your decision on what to do next. YOu don't even need to answer your phone if she calls, be strong, and hang in there. Just keep this in mind..... if its meant to be then she call back, if not let her go!!!

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