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Okay, some time ago, almost a year already, I had a boyfriend that I loved soo much. I was Always with him, or on the phone with him. He was my best friend before we went out, so when we decided to go out with each other, we were already really close. We talked about everything, just like best friends do, and he did everything for me. I know it sounds really good, but there was a down side too. I went to school, and he dropped out. He wanted to live the "easy" way, he was a gang banger, and he did alot of illegal things. He supported me in doing my work in school, but I found that it was getting harder and harder for me to make time for the two things. Our morals were very different as well, and my parents weren't very fond of him. (at all) so that made it even harder, because they tried to make it almost impossible for me to ever see him, and wouldn't like for me to talk to him over the phone. So I guess our different lifestyles tore us apart eventually. I finally decided that it would be best for us to sepperate, that way he could find himself somebody who could dedicate more time to him, and I could finish my studies. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I had ever done. Its been about a year since we finished our relationship, but when I broke up with him, I didn't just loose a boyfriend, but my best friend as well. To this day I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him so much, that I haven't had a good relationship with any other guy after him. I feel like I use the guys to try to forget him. I know it sounds bad, but not even that works. I can't stop wondering how he's doing. And I don't call him, even though I'm tempted to, because I'm sure he's moved on in his life, and I don't want to ruin anything he's got going for him. How do I move on with my own life? I can't stop thinking about him, and its interfering with everything I do.

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Well you asked one of the biggest questions. I dont think that you will ever get over him. But your first love is all was the hardest to get over. It will take time but he will start to fade from your mind. You did a good thing about not calling him. Well i hope that this helps.

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Hello Crazy "8"

 

I read your post and I feel your confusion. I just went through a break-up myself. And I know that a year from now she will still be on my mind, I just know it. I really loved her that much. The reasons for my break-up were complicated so I will not bore you with the details. But in short, even though I know we were both deeply in love, we had different morals like you and your guy and totally different lifestyles. Someone said to me along time ago, if you are going to love someone for the rest of your life. Look at their worst quality, and then say to yourself. Can I live with that and be o.k. with that for the rest of my life. My answer was "No"....my ex had a drinking problem, and it caused a lot of problems. Everyone knew she had a problem, except her. Before this woman I dated a girl for some five years. Just a few days ago, like totally out of the blue calls me. It blew my mind. I would have thought this woman would have moved on by now. But she said she could not stop thinking of me. I was flattered. Like you, I have a problem, I cannot stop thinking about the other one. But because I was not with her anymore, I decided to visit the other one after calling just to see what was up and how she was doing. The strange part was I went to her house (I used to do this before for 5 years)but dring to the house it was much different this time. I bought some take-out, a bottle of red wine. When I showed up, she was looking fine. She had the fireplace going, we ate, we shared the wine and we talked. She was the one doing most of the talking telling me how she has not been able to get over me and had been in one screwed up relationship after another. And realized that I was the best thing she ever had. And that she missed me. Like I said, I was very flattered, but the feelingsI used to have were not their anymore.they were gone.Where did they go ? I don't know but they just were not there. At least not that night.The reason I'm telling you this is because, it was nice to see her. And we used to have the greatest times together. But that was then, and this was now.

I was very casual in my part of the conversation, and did not want to share my mess. I just said I was not seeing anyone at present and left it at that. We ended up going to bed in this great poster bed that she had just bought. It was something out of a Cleopatra story , it was awesome (I love poster beds) and you know what happened. I kissed her on the cheek, wrapped my arms around her and she went right to sleep.We had no sex, I however ended up lying awake thinking that I used to do this all the time with her.And any other man that night in their right mind would be wanting to you know what. It was like some sort of time machine where I was going back in time. It was nice to be able to lie together and not have sex. I swear I would not have been able to do anything anyway, why ? because even though my arms were around her I was wishing it was my ex the whole time. My heart was not in it with her anymore. I got up the next morning, had some breakfast with her, and said it was great to see you. She said the same. She has called me several times since, saying the next time we get together you know what we are going to be doing. Of course I know. Will you and I ever get back with the ones we are thinking about. And yes it is affecting every aspect of my life to. The friend close to me who really know me, well I have had to withdraw from them. Because when I talk about her they look at me as some sort of some basket case.

I'm not a basket case, it is I deeply cared for this person like you. Like you I haven't called mine. I have had no contact, because she went back with her ex and lied to me.

Even though I was supposed to be the love of her life and her soulmate.

Her drinking confused things,she had a history of breaking up with this guy and always going back and I know she is still confused to this day.When I was in the picture I did not even know about this guy or that he even existed, till it was to late. But I can't help her with any of this, this is out of my hands, she needs to help herself. And knowing her so well, unless something really bad happens to her to give her a wake up. We''ll short of that she will die drinking. And that is really sad.And I just could not stand around watching her die everyday. It was killing me. I will take her to my grave with me in my heart. Will she ever be in my life again ? Like you who knows. You never know what happens when you call. Look what happened to me with the call I got. So you really never know. Parts of me want to call and parts of me cannot call. And I know that if I call I might even be hurt more than I am now. I think that if the lifestyles do not agree then it would be a rocky road anyway. You and I have to move on. We have to dig deep and find away. I know where your coming from with the dating and thinking about the other guy. This is really tough stuff. I wish I could just take some magic pill and fix both you and me. So if you find one before me. Please Fed-X it to me. I'll gladly pay the shipping charge. I hope you and I can soon find some peace of mind......soon, real soon. It does help to talk about it, so I know we are healing each other.

I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to know I'm not alone.

 

I hope it get's better

Warm Regards

Kuhl

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