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Wedding guests... need some advice


upstatemedic
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Hi all...

 

As some of you know, I'm engaged and have been having some problems. Thankfully, with your help and plenty of communication and love, they have proved conquerable. My fiancee and I are beginning to dip our toes into planning our wedding, and it's all very exciting.

 

I'm stuck on a particular point, though. The chapel where we want to be married is a tiny little church that's built on the side of a hill overlooking a picturesque lake. The downside to this gorgeous place is that it only holds 65 people, and we have at least 100 to 120 people that we want to invite.

 

So far, the theory has been that we invite family and close friends to the ceremony itself, then invite everyone to the reception. Worked great until it came time to start deciding who's going to attend what! I feel bad sending some people an invitation that says "yeah we're gettin hitched on [date] but you can't come to the ceremony, so come party with us afterwards."

 

Do you think people will be offended if we send them an invitation explaining (a little more nicely than above) that the church only seats a few people and as such we'd love to have them for the reception but unfortunately can't invite them along for the actual wedding ceremony?

 

Or maybe just have a family-only wedding? And very close friends in the wedding party itself? Never realized there are so many permutations of ways to plan a wedding!!

 

Curious to hear what y'all think...

 

Best,

Upstatemedic

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Can you have it family and wedding party only - and set up a videoscreen in the reception hall in lieu of the usual opening? Come up with a short and sweet explanation "due to size limitations, we can only have family at the ceremony itself, but we wanted to share this event with everyone close to us before the reception. You're invited to witness the sharing of our vows, followed by a receiving line and reception... etc" If you can swing something like that, you can include just wedding party and immediate family for the cermony per se, share the ceremony, have your receiving line as a couple. Since they can't be there in person, maybe have a special "witness book" for everyone to sign as well. Well, unless it's going to be a REALLY long ceremony!!!

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I may be the only one who doesn't enjoy weddings, but I really think that the smaller the better. Our wedding ceremony was great, the reception was long and stressful. I bet that there were probably about 65 people at the wedding ceremony and 100 to 120 at the reception itself. To me it seemed unnatural and I felt like there was very little meaning in meeting all my husband's father's friends and seeing all my own parent's friends and not really having a moment to myself and my new husband. I guess that is the grief that still sticks, there were people there who didn't understand the significance of staying together in a relationship that grows and changes over time.

 

I would have enjoyed a smaller more intimate group. I would have enjoyed having more say in the plannings, I felt too beholden to my own parents and there choices to put forward any arguments to get my own way. I feel that if I would have done a better job there, then later I might have had an easier time in standing up for myself and differentiating myself from my husband.

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I have to agree - I can see how a big wedding could really wear on you. I've heard from several people that it's not a day for the couple getting married... it's a day for their families. As much as I disagree, I know what my fiancee and her parents want and I know that it's their day and I'm pretty much just there because it couldn't really happen without me there.

 

Nonetheless, I'm okay with it - as incompatible as I am with being the center of attention, I'm not going to complain because if my mom (and her mom) were still alive, they'd insist on a giant Italian wedding with 300 guests... "we're gonna invite everyone we've ever met!"

 

I guess I just figure that the ceremony belongs to my fiancee and I, and the rest of it will go how it may, but I'm not going to let that bug me. Just enjoy it, and when it's all over I'll remember the good parts...

 

Incidentally, my fiancee REALLY liked the idea of a video link between the chapel and the reception hall. Looks like I'll even get to play engineer on my wedding day, for a little bit!

 

UM

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hey

firstly before i say my bit, great thoughts everyone and good luck with the wedding

 

i would have to say ... only invite the people who are goin to get you a gift and provide good entertainment

but i really do like the idea of having it outside, i hope it doesnt rain though.

 

~LJ =;

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