Love and Money

[lil_mamarains13]

I previously posted concern about my boyfriend moving 3 hours away from me, and how hard it was for me. We are having major financial difficulties. I have until Monday the 15th until I get paid again. I am going to see him this weekend because he told me to go up there, and I don't understand because we had already decided we couldn't afford to go. He has my checking card also, and he just told me he spent some more money on beer because he got drunk last night. He said his mom was going to help us, but all I keep thinking about is how I am going to get back and forth to work next week because I live 30 min. from my job. I am always stressed about money, but he said his mom is going to help us so should I not stress or should I sit with him and talk to him about it. I can't afford to miss work. I also have to go pawn his fishing pole for money, and next week I have to go to his Aunt's house and sell some fish. I hope he doesn't think the few dollars we make on that stuff is going to get us by, but I guess he knows what he is doing. What do ya'll think?

[Ash]

I have to wonder why:

 

1. He has your checking card.

2. You have to pawn his fishing rod.

3. You have to sell his fish.

4. He told you to visit him.

 

This guy doesn't appear to have a job, yet you're having to not only support some of his habits on your income, you're doing things for him that he should be doing for himself if he has free time. Does he have a job? It doesn't sound like he does.

 

I would have thought that before you become married (not sure if you intend to) that he would take care of his finances, and you would take care of your finances, and if one of you had some extra cash at the end of the week, you could help the other out.

 

I'd honestly consider getting your checking card back, and only give him cash when you can afford to. If his mo is apparently going to help out, let her take the place of your card, so you can be in control of your income. You're not married, and you don't live together, so I don't think there is a legal responsibility on your behalf to support him if you don't feel you can, or don't want to.

 

Money stresses don't tend to go away, or get better unless the income goes up or the expenses go down. Selling off stuff to generate income is a losing battle.

[lil_mamarains13]

That is why he moved is because he is looking for work, and where we lived and I still live there is nothing around. He moved closer to some bigger cities to look for work. He has only been there a week, and has not found a job. He would sell his fishing pole, and fish himself, but they are here with me. I guess I need to quite stressing, and let him take care of it like he normally does. I keep telling him I have to have money to get back and forth to work, and he says he knows so I just need to chill out I suppose.

[Ash]

I don't want to make it sound like I'm trying dictate how you should be, but do you really think him moving prior to having a job was really a wise choice? I would have thought it easier to find a job without having the additional stress of moving, although depending on where he's gone to and what field he's searching in, it may make some sense.

 

What about the two of you though, do you both want a longer distance relationship for the foreseeable future? Can you handle a three hour separation provided he does find a job?

 

I hope he does find a job soon, and the stress drops, but if you can influence things, try to have him get the financial assistance from his mom now before you sink into debt.

[lil_mamarains13]

He moved to find a job because there aren't any where I live. He moved to his mom's. Once he gets a job, and things start to get settled down, and we get some of out loans paid off we plan to move me with him. I am not counting on that 100% because I was told that once before, but then I was moving to a completely different state, and I had everything ready to go, and then he decided not too. I am being cautious. I have known this guy for a while, and I know he will take care of me, but sometimes it is easier for me to handle if I have someone to talk to about it. My life seems complicated, but that's life. I hope he gets a job soon also because like you said the stress will drop.