Question for guys: What does he mean?

[ghettogirl]

I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now.

 

He was my friend from a place I worked at 2 years ago. We only started talking recently and he asked me out for a drink. We hit it off really well that night, had a lot of common interests, and one thing led to another and he left at noon the next day (Saturday morning). He said he'd call Sunday but surprised me by calling me Saturday night just to say hi.

 

It wasn't a one-night stand because we've talked every day since that night (average duration of call: between 30 minutes and 1.5 hours) and we've seen each other about once a week. He's gone out of his way to tell me he's not seeing anyone. Each time we see each other, we do stuff, but the physical attraction's really intense and we wind up back at one of our places.

 

He called me on Sunday night and was really drunk. We had a 4-hour long conversation where he gave me all his "baggage" and I gave him some of mine. Then, he said to me, "I want you to be in my life but I don't want the same old routine where I can't go get drunk with friends on a friday night." Ok, whatever. That's cool, I told him. And I told him that I was already in his life. He proceeded to tell me that he had the opportunity to go out with these two girls with his buddy but he didn't because he couldn't do that to "his girl." He said he wasn't going to tell me that but he wanted to anyway.

 

So last night, we went out for dinner and played pool and he holds my hand and everything. The whole night was amazing.

 

So he calls me tonight and we're just gabbing. I wondered about what he said when he was hammered the other night. So I asked. I said I wanted him in my life, too. He said, "I don't want you to think it's forever or anything. It might be but it might not be but he can't decide until later in the relationship." I was crushed. His pizza arrived and I said I have to go and do some work and I'll talk to him tomorrow. I called back a few hours later and he brought it up again and said that he didn't want to get entangled in a BS relationship because he's had girlfriends where he's had to tiptoe around them and ended up getting really hurt because he said things he didn't mean and it made him look like an a-hole. He said he really likes me and likes where this is going but doesn't want to say something just because he thinks I want to hear it (I asked what he thinks I want to hear and he said he didn't know) or what he doesn't mean like he did in the umpteenth number of relationships before and he doesn't want to be taken advantage of.

 

Now, guys, I don't recall really asking for anything. Did I ask for something without knowing it? What the hell does all this mean?

[dfcannon]

A few of your comments were hard to follow, but I think the gist of it is that he comes on very passionate and sexual with women and sometimes, in the heat of the moment, he blurts out stuff like "I love you" or "I never want us to ever be apart" and then subsequently, when he realizes that he's not compatible with her, dumps her, and she says he's a total jerk, making him feel guilty.

 

He runs ahead of himself, such as when he called you "My girl." He has trouble controlling his mouth, because he gets overwhelmed in the feelings of the moment, such as when he suddenly told you about his plans when he had originally said he would not.

 

So, now he's giving you BIG warning signals that he has left a trail of destruction behind him, and while he's seductive and charming, he's also very dangerous. It's up to you how to deal with him, but he's making it quite clear that this hot new romance could end very abruptly, and probably will.

[charmed]

Hi phgnome !

 

Some of what the guys are saying is very true. I will say this however !

 

I don't think you should read into this situation too much. You guys are going really well (aside from this little communication breakdown) and there is no reason to expect that anything bad should happen.

 

I do believe that what he is saying is this:

 

As much as he feels like he could fall in love with you, and as possible as that also is, he does not want to say"we'll be married some day" or "we will be together forever MMMmmm" or some other form of long term prediction about your relationship as it stands at the moment. He is really happy to be in the relationship, and will remain happy should something drastic happen.

 

Don't worry about this ! He seems to be perhaps pulling back since he spilled his guts to you at the weekend - and perhaps doesn't want to appear to be jumping the gun in predicting your marraige and future family life just yet !! I really think that is all that is going on!!!

 

You could of course ask him the following question:

 

", this is a good question for you !!! Being 100% honest with me, why did you give me the speech on about not wanting to predict the future of our relationship".

 

Alternatively, you could say something like you believe that what I have said above here is the case, and is it? If so, he should not be afraid, and you are happy to go with the folw as it really does seem like a great relationship !!

 

Hope this help you some,