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Over 4 months ago I found out that my boyfriend of three years cheated on me. I found out a week after it happened, not from him but from a mutual friend. Needless to say I broke up with him the next day. I found out later he had only kissed another girl, not slept with her, like I originally thought. I still didn't talk to him and started dating the most amazing guy. He has been a friend for a good 5 years and treats me like a princess. A lot better than my previous boyfriend did. I have now been dating this new man for just over three months and we have been very intimate emotionally and physically. He is wonderful and makes me happy but he is not my ex. I miss my ex and still think about him a lot, even while I am with my new boyfriend. I know my ex wants to get back together with me and part of me feels like I should give my ex another chance, but I am afraid that if I do and it doesn't work out that I will have lost the best thing that was meant to be, with my new love. Everyone involved is young, 22 or so, so I tell myself that it just takes time, but it has been a while and it still hurts. Help.

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Okay, I have to ask the obvious question: why would you even CONSIDER getting back together with your ex if the new guy is "the best thing that ever happened to you?" If it was "meant to be" as you said, then I don't understand why you'd want to throw that away for someone who's so much less, in your eyes, AND who felt the need to kiss some other girl.


Cheating is cheating. Kissing or sex, it was still cheating. And while I understand you miss your ex, why would you POSSIBLY consider throwing away this great guy? If you're that serious about missing him, (the ex) then you need to be honest with this new guy, your friend, and let him go. It's not fair to him that he gives 100% of himself in this relationship while you're having doubts as to whether you want to be with him or this ex, and only giving 50%. You can't have your cake and eat it too!



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Honey - you said it yourself, that this guy is the best thing that's happened to you basically.


It's normal to feel a little guilty and pressured when someone you've broken up with wants you back. And normal to try to justify why you MIGHT do it thinking ahead to how you can reconcile it with yourself. That doesn't mean you're going to be anything but feeling the lack of guilt, and if you get to wondering about your ex's feelings because of his kissing another girl, that's going to be cold comfort at night.


It seems to me you're dealing more with the "healing" and letting go of your ex part while you're in a new relationship, and that's getting you confused. Comparisons are normal to an extent, because no two relationships and no two guys are going to be the same.


Let me ask you this - if your ex wasn't making you feel like you should give him another chance, would you even question if you're in the relationship that's right for you? Are you in love with your new bf? If so, think about your ex as you would any guy as far as leaving your current guy for another relationship - it seems to me you're pretty happy where you are and more feeling bad that maybe he deserved another shot - but you deserve to put you first, not him. If there hadn't been any reason to feel badly in your old relationship, he wouldn't be in the position to NEED another shot, you know?

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Wow, I can really relate to this. My x and I broke up 5 months ago for different reasons, but I found myself in the same predicament as you. He had a really good side to him that I loved, I just couldn't take the other stuff.


Anyway, just about month after we separated I met a really wonderful guy that treats me very well. We are so connected and now 4 months later I can't remember ever being happier. There have been so many times that the x wanted to get back together and he tried very hard, but too much damage had been done and I kept looking at my relationship with the new guy in comparison. It was very difficult because I saw some good things (and love) towards the x, but the new guy and I had gotten so close and it is such a healthy relationship I couldn't eventually stopped considering the thought of going back to the x.


You may feel sorry for your x, because he apologized and now you won't give him another chance. Remember it's not your fault he kissed another girl. It's cheating, cheating, cheating. He made things the way they are.


Did he tell you it'll never happen again? I am pretty sure he'll mean it when he says it, however you can be pretty sure he'd do it again.


Give the new guy 100% of you and your heart. You'll be surprised how completely happy you'll be when you let go of the x-boyfriend.


This is your chance for a fresh start with a great guy that really sounds like he cares about you.


Good luck.

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