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Divorced and Heartbroken Dad

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Im trying to let go of the feelings for my wife. She is the one that divorced me 9/25/03 and I am still heart broken about not having her. She told me last week (Thur) that she is dating someone and that she plans on him being in her future. The news was very hard to take but I knew it would happen sooner than later. Then Sat nite she called and said that she was going to cool things off with her guy and that she was confused and started talking about me and her and and that she is confused...Now my question is "What the hell?" at first I was all happy then I thought "this is crazy, why is she doing this too me" I have my on thoughts about it..What do you guys think.

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First of all if she divorced you and moved on I believe you should do the same. I know it must be hard and it has to hurt, but life goes on and you can't wait around for her. That does not mean you have to go out with another girl or get married, but move on with you life, and pick up the pieces. One of my ex boyfriends fed me the line of oh I will be back don't worry, and that turned out into a bigger mess than you can imagine. Let's not even go there, but anyways the point is that if it were meant to be it will be, but don't put your life on hold because then you will wind up in a dark sad place that you don't want to be. Hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't, and good luck.

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If My calculations are correct then you and her have not even been separated for more then three months???


And she has already moved on ? No sorry, no sale, seems to me like she had moved on a long time ago and is just now coming clean with it. And while its ok to feel bad about your divorce, dont close your eyes. Understand that she is probably not the right one for you, and move on with your life until a good women comes to you again.

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Hello jcollin and welcome to eNotalone,


I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. Especially when children are involved it is a heartwrenching process. Equally difficult for you is that you will be in regular contact with your ex for parenting conversations so my usual advice of "stop calling her" doesn't apply here.


It sounds like your wife is very confused. And you are her safety net. If it doesn't work out with these other guys she feels as though she can always fall back on you. I am curious about the circumstances of your divorce in the first place - did she leave you for this man that she just broke up with?


I would say in this case - think about what is right for YOU and your children. I know you are still heartbroken about the divorce, but do you REALLY want to go back to the same situation you were in just prior to the divorce? What would have to be different for things to work out? Do you really want to go through all that again? All tough questions I know. But very important to think all this through before jumping back in with her.


I hope this helps.

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We were separated for 60 days (all it takes in texas where it can be a no falt divorce) before the divorce was final on 11/25. I think the dumpor always is up about 6 mths on the dumpee so yes I think she is moving on more than me. I personally think when she told me the news about the other guy she knew it was going to leave me thinking "well I guess I need to move on" as far as I know she hasnt told the other guy anything. Just wanted to leave me on a string. Actions speak louder than words and I havnt seen any actions yet and really dont plan on it. Its just getting over the false hope. I wish I would never see her, but it is impossible with my little one. Tonight I pick her up and just die inside knowing that I will see the ex. I just feel stupid, all the nights I cried over this, all the happy endings I've thought about and dreamed about was pointless. She gave emotions and body to someone else and it hurts more than I could ever try to explain. The fairytale ending is over.

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Ah I see. This is still a very fresh event. It sounds like you do realize she is stringing you along so I am happy to hear that.


I understand your feelings run very deep right now - and having to stay in contact with your ex does not help things. However, do not let that detract from your most important role in life - being a father. The fairytale ending is NOT over because you have a lasting memory of your relationship - your child. Do not let your emotions for your ex overshadow your time with your child. This time is so precious, please make the most of it.


Have you seen a counselor about your divorce? Its going to take some time for you to heal from this and you may need some help doing so. Divorce is a real killer in terms of stress levels so it is normal to be feeling what you are feeling. Also, turn to your friends. They will be invaluable to you as you go through this. Don't be afraid to "bother" them. They will want to be there for you in your time of need.


Above all, go ahead and grieve the loss of the relationship. Its a healthy thing to do. Let it out, don't keep it bottled up inside. Forgive yourself for the things that happened in your relationship and forgive yourself for the fact that it did not succeed. Love yourself enough to forgive your ex at some point too. This is all part of the healing.


I am here to help you also, if you ever need it.



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