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Hi,

I am in a long distance relationship, I love her, she loves me. She is a feminine, sensitive, and well mannered lady, but with *strong female emotions* and the tendency to over-react. I am kind and understanding towards her, which is something she has always wanted.

 

She has been hurt in past relationships, and a lot of grief has happened in her family before. Due to her past hurt, I had been working hard on building up trust. Trust and a new relationship is still very difficult for her, yet she has told me that she has shared more with me than any other man. She does hold me in very high regard.

 

She works very long hours, gets tired, and sometimes depressed. I have noticed cycles when she is passionate, and times when she wants to withdraw.

 

We used to communicate on a daily basis. Over the last month however, communication has been on a weekly basis. Recently, life has been very hectic for her with work, family not well, and herself not well either.

 

It has been 6 days since I last heard from her, even though she said that she would write. It is hard to know where she is at, because if you like someone you make the effort to write. Having said that I don't know her current circumstances - it may be hard for her to write at the moment. I have decided to wait until I hear from her again and reply to my e-mails of 5 days ago. I don't want to give the impression that I am "chasing her", because I know she doesn't like to be pressured. She has had enough of that from past relationships. So I decide to give her space. Hopefully, by not contacting her she would come to miss the communication and appreciate what she values in me.

 

But what is hard for me is not hearing from her, not really knowing how she is, not hearing her voice, and me having to be patient in such circumstances. I think about her a lot and I miss her. Any advice on how to cope with not hearing from her? Any other comments?

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Ah long distance relationships, kind of an oxy moron eh? A LDR as I like to call them are a challenge from the get go. Personally I'm of the mind that a LDR is not sustainable. All one can do is hope to weather out the storm until the LDR is over and a normal relationship can ensue. Our technology may make it possible to us to conduct a "successful" LDR but our psyche is far behind.

That being said, to the point of your post. The best thing you can do is occasionally contact her when you can. I would recommend that you set aside a special time each week when you both know you are both available and can talk on the phone. This will require some effort but will be well worth it. Much like standard relationships need "date nights" when schedules become hectic, you should have an LDR "date night" over the phone. It will create a more permanent sense to the relationship.

Other then that I would suggest you look at was to end the LDR or shorten the time it has to exist. Do you have a solid plan on ending the LDR or is this a never-ending state? Do you want to be with her eventually?

I hope this helps. You are not alone, we will be here for you.

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First of all, I want to thank you for your comments.

 

I have aksed her twice before for us to set aside a specific time of the week so that we could chat and get together. Her reply each time has been that due to her job she doesn't know what her schedule is going to be, and thereforeeee she doesn't want to make any promises on meeting up that she cannot keep.

 

Since it has been a week since she has written and a month since our last phone call, I feel that I should initiate dialogue again and tell her how and what I have been doing. It would be bad if I were to be "pushy" or to "chase her", but if I am polite about it I should be okay.

 

I had better make a followup, even though she hasn't written, because I am only too aware that without communication the relationship could die and destroy what has already been built.

 

This is a fabulous forum where we can help one another and know we are not alone. Thanks crookster_man.

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P.S. I am looking for a job in her area. That would end the LDR, but it is something we need to discuss together. I want to discuss the topic, of course, but I have to judge when she is in a state to be ready for it. I feel it is a factor of time, I just have to be patient and that isn't at all easy at times.

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