just a quick question...(replies needed)

[mermayd]

ok, I just want some feedback here, I am trying to prove a point so the more replies....the better.

A guy and a girl are friends...good friends. Along the course of their friendship, they find that they are sexually attracted to one another and act upon this in a few cases. (i.e. thay have sex a few times...)

They remain friends and each of them find someone whom thay want to be with.

What does it mean when the female of these friends goes to the male to tell him about the problems she is having with her boyfriend??

 

Is it totally based on friendship and they are just there to support eachother and give advice(good friends are always there for eachother)?

or

Is the female telling her problems to the guy for self-gratification(emotional bond with someone who she once shared a physical bond with)?

I know this is a broad topic, but I mean it to be....on the surface...what do you think...include some of your personal experiences if they apply!!

Thanx!

[chakka]

Hi.

 

OK, let me start by saying that in my opinion, anyone with any sense should avoid situations like this.

It is not healthy to be close friends with ex-lovers. There will always be sexual tension and mixed feelings there.

I have never stayed close friends with an ex, and I don't think I would ever tolerate my bf beeing close friends with an ex.

I don't mean you can't be friendly, I'm just saying there is a limit to the closeness you can have.

 

The situation you brought up mermayd is EXACTLY the kind of tricky situation that can occur if ex-lovers stay really close friends.

You ask what it means when the girls tells her relationship problems to the guy.

I think there is no clear cut answer - you would have to know the people in question to venture a good guess - but here are the possibilities I can think of:

a. The girl is still somewhat interested in the guy, and is using these relationship issues to try to build some intimacy and trigger jealousy.

b. The girl is not still interested in him, but she wants to keep HIM a bit interested in HER, just for her ego. So, again, she discusses the new relationship with the guy for the reasons I stated above.

c. Perhaps the girl completely thinks of this guy as a close friend and nothing more, and just wants his opinion. I SERIOUSLY doubt this is possible, but to be fair and objective, I guess can't just dismiss this possibility.

 

I'm sure there are more possibilities somewhere in the middle.

And hey, don't we all get jealous of exes or want to make them jealous, even if we know we are no longer interested in them? Everybody wants to be the first to move on, don't they?

It's irrational, but it's human nature.

Now, it's possible that these ulterior motives are subconsious. In other words, the girl is not necessarily aware that she wants the guy to be interested in her or jealous... even if on some level that is her motivation.

 

Another problem with this sort of situation is that this girl can never know how the guy will INTERPRET what she says. Will he think she wants to rekindle things? Will it keep him from moving on? Will he get secretly jealous and obsessed?

 

 

 

Anyway, that's what came to my mind on this issue.

 

And by the way, I even think that ANY guy and girl have limits to how close friends they can be without some sexual tension, even with no history between them. Of course I'm sure every case is different, but I do think it's very common for one side to eventually get interested in the other, thus changing the friendship for ever.

Even more so if the guy and girl in question have already slept together!

I'm not saying don't ever be friends with the opposite sex. I'm just saying, be aware of these problems, and take into account that the other person might view the friendship differently than you do, even if they don't admit it.

[SwingFox]

I have a feeling we are doing Mermayd's homework for school today... *grins*. Anyways, why not helping her.

 

No, friendship = friendship so no making love together. In friendship you can love someone, yes, but the emotional bond is not so close, that I think you should take it physical. Besides that, if you are friends like that, you want to be able to talk about anything. Making love together blocks at least one part: talking about it when having problems with someone else. I can't tell from experience, though. Never been into a situation like this.

 

I hope this helped you some.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[dazedpunk1607306446]

 

 

 

she is asking him for advice i think because she needs advice, and hes a friend she trusts. things might have gotten out of hand and gone too far before, but when it comes down to it, your friend is your friend no matter what might have happened. they still support each other and help each other. its clear that their bonds of friendship is almost unbreakable. plus, theyve both moved on, so we can tell theres probably not too much of one's feelings for the other crowding it too much. she is just leaning on a friend for support, thats it.