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I'm falling for my friend


troubled
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I need an opinion no matter good or bad. I have recently moved a good distance away from home to a city for work after finishing university. Me and my girlfriend of three years broke up not long after I got here. It was a combination of the distance and feelings just changing. I ended it and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It makes me physically ill to think of what she must be going through after our break up. I didn't know if I could do it because I knew it would hurt her so badly. She is a wonderful girl and our relationship was good but the feelings were fading for reasons I can't explain. I knew it was best for both of us. It was hard on the two of us but I know I am feeling more relief from the break up, and her more pain, and that kills me. But I wrote about that a while back and I have a new issue. A new lady.

 

I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone. I graduated high school with less the 50 people. I now everyone well and while this girl was never my best or closest friend I feel I know her pretty well having grown up with her since 5 years old. Anyhow after high school and into university it became the thing where all my friends (her included) would party when we were around each other but that got less and less. I would keep in touch somewhat over emails and such, and I would see her from time to time, but I never thought of her as anything but a friend from home. She had moved to another city very close to where I now live. She was excited that I was coming to live close, not for any particular reason other than it is nice to have someone from home around, and I was excited that I would have a friend somewhat close in a new city where I knew few people.

 

Well we started talking on the computer most every day. A couple weeks in and she came down with friends and we went out to the bars. I had a great time. We talked about old times and had a wonderful night. But a feeling that I never saw coming had hit me. I dared not do anything about it but when she left the next morning I felt sooo alone and longing for her. I genuinely missed her a lot, just after that one night. Anyhow a couple weeks went by and she asked what I was up to. I told her there was a party I was going to and she seemed interested. I told her to come down and she did. It was not the most fun night but I enjoyed her just being there. Once again nothing happened. I am too scared to try anything because I fear I will make things weird with this great friend who I have gotten closer to. And that is important to me as neither of us really knows many people where we are.

 

So I went to visit her once after that and the visit was horrible. I only stayed the night and she was very cold from the time I got there. So much so that I didn't think she wanted to be even friends anymore. All I wanted to do was go home but I managed to keep my cheer in front of her despite her acting so weird. By the time I got home she had emailed me in apology for acting so weird and quiet all night, and said school was just stressing her out really badly. I continued to believe it was me until one of our mutual friends told me how bad she felt and that she was crying and really worked up about school.

 

Anyhow I wish I could explain all the positive and negative signs but I would take up too much of your time. I tend to focus on the negative ones more strongly. Just want to hear someone's opinion on the situation. A concern first off is whether I have a chance or if I will just ruin a friendship that has grown bigger than I could have imagined. Another concern is it my feelings are just that of being lonely in a new city for a familiar face, or rebounding from my old relationship. I don't believe it to be the later but I could see my feelings coming from the familiarity she provides being logical. Just looking for opinions. Thanks

 

Troubled

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Your last paragraph said a lot that was right on the money.

 

Living in a new city with little or no friends or family can make any familiar face seem like a blessing. But it also makes you appreciate what you no longer have in your life.

 

The biggest decision you face with this woman is your future. Future meaning, if you do not attempt to tell her your feelings because of fear of ruining your friendship, you may never get another chance.

Should you attempt to tell her, tell her over a nice dinner or a well made home supper. Realize that she may no longer be interested in you and that it may affect your friendship. But she may also share the same idea as you.

 

Ultimitely, the decision to tell her will be yours. But take you time, look at all the pros and cons, and make the best choice.

 

Good luck to you.

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Thanks for the advice. I think as of now I will sit on it and keep my mouth shut. We will both be home during Christmas and I don't want weirdness there. That, and I still don't know if what I am feeling is real you know though it really does....and I think it would hurt my ex girlfriend a lot to see me move on so quick. I think I should show more respect in that case.

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