Should I pick up the phone???? HELP!!!

[ginger_b]

Hi guys, I really need your help. Last tuesday I broke up with my 2 year 2 months boyfriend. I've never been in a situation like this and don't have any idea about what I should do. This is the first person I have ever loved and every day I've woken up since the breakup things are getting harder for me. English is not my first language but I will try to explain the situation the best I can. I really didn't want to break up but apparently he thought there was no other choice. We had been having problems for the last 4 months and I had noticed a very big change in his behavior with me. When we met and until a month before our 2 year anniversary he was the most amazing person. We would see each other at least 2 hours a day and talk for hours in the phone at night and we would never get tired of this. He was always the first to want to spend time with me and was absolutely everything a girl could ask for: honest, funny, loyal, smart, ... I also know that he thought the same about me and we were both deeply in love with one another. About 9 months ago he proposed to me and I said yes, everything was so amazing. Then, around october I was having a lot of problems at home and told him I was feeling depressed and that I needed him to help me pull myself together and have fun. This was 2 days before his birthday. Well, he didn't even care. I started crying softly and he completely ignored me. We were in his house at the moment so I went to the bathroom for some paper to wipe the tears out. He was expecting some friends so these guys turned up and he went with them to play guitar in his bedroom and left me crying in there, didn't even go to look for me after an hour. Next day we got into a fight about it on the phone and needless to say we weren't together for his birthday. This was the first big fight we have had and we both misunderstood what the other was trying to say for the most horrible things. After that day, we both talked and apparently sorted things out. I thought everything had returned to normal and then in november I accidentally opened an email written by him to another girl saying how much he missed her and thought he was special. I was completely devastated, he swore he didn't want anything with her and that she was just a friend and I believed him. For the following months and until now I was feeling really sad and instead of helping me he would make me feel worse. He never kissed me anymore, didn't give me his hand, didn't even say hi to me. I thought this would pass but it did not. We broke up because he says he doesn`t want to hurt me anymore, but he still tells me that I own his heart and that he wants to return with me someday and marry me. I asked him that if this was only to make me feel better about it he should tell me the truth and he said that was the truth but I don't get it. You don't do these kinds of things to someone you love, much less to someone that "owns your heart". I feel guilty all day even though I know I shouldn't. I try to think I will find a better person than him but I still love him. I read that to get over someone you love it takes a week for every month you've been together. This would be 6 1/2 months for me! It's too much I don't want to be depressed that long. Has anyone been in this situation? Please, I need all the help I can get. Thank you, really.

 

Paola, 21, Mexico.

 

Hi! I first described what happened to me, well, yesterday i sent a message to my ex saying that i needed to know that he at least didn't hate me and i needed him to comfort me and hold me to deal with the horrible breakup. he answered saying he swore he loved me and hoped I was fine. The morning passed and I finally realized that I had to move on by myself and that I wouldn't suffer anymore because of him. So, I finally managed to get some sleep and today my cell phone didn't stop ringing. 19 missed calls, all from my ex boyfriend. I didn't pick up the phone. the first two messages, around two PM said "baby please i have to talk to you please pick up the phone i swear I wont make you suffer anymore. The past doesn't matter anymore. I love you" and "Baby please I need to talk to you". Later in the night, I got three more messages saying "I phoned you all day long and you never picked up" "You know who's your friend when you're in jail or sick, (he's sick and I went to pick up his sister because she's my friend and we were going out for coffee), and you didn't even come in to say hello". "it's OK Paola (He knows I hate it when he calls me by my name. We are getting to know each other and if you want to play its fine. I only wanted to make thinngs right but now I know I mean nothing to you". This kills me guys!!! What was he thinking!!! after breaking my heart into the smallest pieces!!!! OMG i dont know what to think. This really hurts, of course I dont want to talk to him I am trying to get my life back and everytime I've done it it has hurt like hell, this was the guy of my dreams and he was the one who said it didn't work out! and everytime i talk to him he makes me feel like I am worth nothing. I don't deserve this. I guess I love him so much the thought of getting back together feels amazing and when thinking about it, it doesn't matter all I've been through but then again I can't let him treat me like crap. He will do it over and over again! Wait, one more message "It's a pity that you chose the road which will cause us the most pain. I never expected you to change so much"… I'm dying here… HELP!!!!!!!!

 

Paola, confused and hurt like hell, 21, Mexico.

[SwingFox]

Don't fall for it. He IS going to hurt you again, probably. I can hear Mermayd say: "I congratulate you on your determination!" She is good and ever so right. Stick to your believes and your thoughts. Obviously he knows you well enough to find the right words to hurt you more.

 

Need to talk? Also talk to your friends and keep talking to them. Don't forget that you are hurting and that this feeling is correct. It is not always easy to get over feelings of love, but you have set your mind to it... just stick to it!!!

 

Chin up, cheer up & relax! You're the best and you are gonna live this through... this time WITHOUT him!!

 

Good luck!

[holeinmysoul33]

You don't need this guy! He wants to make sure he still has control over the situation and by you not talking to him, he has no control! So he's getting upset. He may come back, but who's to say how long? You can certaintly find someone better than him who won't treat you so badly in your times of need. And I don't believe the thing about it taking 1 week per month of your relationship to get over someone. It's different for everyone. I've been broken up with my ex for over a month now and it's become significantly easier the longer we're apart. Just keep on spending time with family and friends, and keep yourself occupied so you don't think too much about him. One day you won't think about him at all!

 

Keep yourself together and look at this as a time to do what YOU want to do on an individual basis.

[XoMSXo]

It is gonna be ok. me and my boyfriend had a huge fight last tuesday which left me with no energy. i couldn't eat or sleep. though the difference between me and you.. is that i went back to him.. so he can hurt me even more. you know when it "just feels right".. it doesn't matter how the person treats you.. you just can't say goodbye to them. but i admire your security and confidence. if deep down you know that he will still keep treating you like crap.. this is your time to go. though, if you just can't say goodbye.. don't go back to being his lover. just keep as friends and then there you can determine if he has changed or not. this is what i am doing. and it feels a little more complete. don't ignore him completely..(even though it feels so good to let them know that he doesn't control you anymore... ) answer the phone tomorrow and talk to him normally. if he invites you to go out.. just say that you are busy with other things and that maybe by the end of this week you can go out to dinner or something. so he knows that you haven't been sitting home crying and listening to music all this weekend. sound happy and surprised he called.. though, be nice. i know that everyone else has wrote.."good.. he's out of your life.." and so on.. which is a good idea.. but taking it from a person that almost lost a 3 year relationship... it just seems like something died.. and you can't go on.... so maybe this advice can help you... good luck

[silenced]

no offence, and the truth always hurts, but if a man really wants you then he should have never dumped you, and if he dumped you for another that could only mean that whilst he was with you he was searching for something else, for example if something he seeks does not exsist in you then he will look and keep looking until he finds it, im no expert in this but am i guy and i dont think you've ever heard a guys opinion in matters concerning relationships and feeling because most guys think its crappy or sissy or gay, but take it from me, if he loved you and i hope he does, then he should have never let you go and anything else is just mambo jumbo.