Mistakes that Wrecked my relationship!

[Misunderstood]

Hi, I am new to this so bare with me. I am a 26 year old Lesbian who just about 4 months ago got left by my GF of 6 years. Here is the story when I was 18 yrs old I had a hard time with coming out I even went back into the closet two times b/c of the stuff that happened when I tried to come out. I am not sure that my next move is a normal one but, I did it any ways I said that coming out is too hard I have way to much to lose and noone to support me. So I decided to take the easy road and pretend to be a man, I didn't speak to much to my friends and I only pretended to be a man over the internet. I was looking for friendship or something at that time I have no idea what I was doing. Anyways I met someone who we began to talk, every day then came the phone conversations day in and day out. We even meet and I still pretended to be a man. I lived that lie for 4 years with my ex. I finally mustard up enough guts to come clean. I know your asking how I did this for a long time well we lived a long distance relationship and I really do look like a man well I did back then. Well then after coming clean I was sure she would leave me but, she didn't we stayed together, we had this on and off relationship most of the off time was due to me exploring my life. I broke up with Taryn in 1998 During the non speaking time I moved to FL where I knew I would be happy and accepted well one thing missing was the love of my life. Except I still couldn't face myself for who I was my parents one of them knew and the other I could never face cause of the disappointment I would have caused but, I knew at that time I wasn't ready for the pain that coming out to everyone would cause. Well I lived in FL I dated woman and then one day I got a phone call from my ex (Taryn) she said I am coming to FL and I don't know where you live but, if you are close can we meet up. I lived 5 minutes from her hotel, yea fate played something there. Well we meet up and all the feelings was still there day after day we got closer again. Well she moved her life as she knew it from PA to FL to be with me. What a woman!!! I messed up again by more lies and she left me again but, took me back. I have had this problem with lies cause afraid to be screamed at or someone be ashammed of me. Well we decided FL wasn't working out for us and moved to PA for a fresh start one problem her family hates me and everyone knows my past. So I was not excited about this move but, I did it for her and the fact that her mother was disowning her for moving. So we were here (pa) for 4 months before she left again. I had hurt her too many times and I wasn't talking with her due to the fact my depression of what everyone thought of me was killing me inside. I shut down and shut her out of my life. She left me 4 months ago I have seeked help through therapy for all my issues I have gained a likeness for myself, I have finally confronted my family for who I am and I lost them in this process. I love Taryn very much she is hurt and destroyed by me. I don't know if she will ever give me another chance but, i know for sure that I am not that person I was before. I finally for the first time look at myself and can say I am gay. I am not ashamed of who my family, friends and hometown made me feel for 8 long years. All that caused me to create a creature that I hated. Taryn is my soul mate I just don't know what to do to get her back at this point. Can anyone help me. And please don't judge me for my past the story you have heard is a short version of everything that has happened not everything I did was bad but, I was a bad person 8 years ago and I have changed.

Thanks

 

[WomackC706]

I am 19 years old. My best friend just 'came out' about 2 years ago. It was hard for him and he did some of the similar things as you. Same ordeal with the parents as well, if I am understanding correctly.

 

Have you tried to contact your ex-gf? Have you told her how you feel? I am quite sure that you have changed in the past 8 years. You were young then. I am at that age, but I believe I act more like I am 25. lol. I would be glad to help you in anyway. Just lemme know.

 

~Constance~

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Poor Baby,

 

Now while I don't really approve or like the lifestyles of Lesbianism, I have to respect those persons decisions. I feel like the reason she may have stayed then left on and off like that, was because she was confused. She wanted a man, not a woman. You were wrong for the deception, but now you are doing the only thing you can, and that is being honest with the world and yourself....for that, i'm very proud of you. That is not easy. If you want to be the real big person, then you need to let her go, let her find someone else who is right for her, not pretending to be that person. Now if you let her go, and she decided that she loves you "man , woman , dog, cat" unconditional, and that it was you not your gender that she fell for, then you will keep her when she comes back for good. But I believe she is lost, and needs to find herself, as well as you.

 

Be a woman, and love being one. You were born this way, and there are many women out there who need and want and will treat you right. Good Luck. Pray, Prayer is the answer.