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I decided a while ago to take a break from things and focus on the more important matters. The break-up was about heck i can't even remember, think about 3 months ago now.

 

I hadn't thought about her as much anymore, but yet. I found myself typing in the names in this stupid name matching thing, that would say how much you'd be compatible with another person. It said 95% between me and her... of course it had said a high value before the break-up too, so perhaps meaningless. But i found myself checking her online diary, not sure what i was looking there for. I don't care for her, don't have feelingsn of love anymore either. Was dislike for her(explained this before, we didn't break up on good terms, she just stabbed me a good number of times, mentally... so the reocvery from that alone took me quite long)

 

So, why? Did i check up on her... getting back together? No way in hell would i want that. Afraid to not find someone else? Perhaps...

or just wondering if she finally got what was coming for her, which she did. Apparently in the last month she went trough another hell, i'm actually not sad by reading that, i'm kinda happy she did go through a hell again, just cause she hurt me so badly in the end. Up to fields where i just thought suicide be a good thing for this world, but i got over that too...

 

well... that's about it...

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hey Eket.

i would like to start of by saying well done for over comeing the first choice of suicide and now continuing with your life, it is encouraging to hear that you have overcome the aspect of loving your ex. however to wish someone upon hell is not always the right decidion to make, obviously through content that you have described you were 'stabbed' in the back by her but also you say you loved her. do you feel that this has now turned to hate entirely or is there no connection there what so ever?

 

it oculd be that you looked in this online diary for what you said, a possible new attatchment in your life, a decision of your own mind in the sense that you wanted to know for certain that even knowing of her and what has happened to her you dont want her to be a part of your life. the longing to know how she is or generally what she has put and what she is currently going through.

 

despite hating, disliking, or not understanding an emotion you feel for someone i find in same circumstances that i still want to know if they are ok.

just an idea. do you feel you gained anything from this? a comfort of mind possibly?

 

hope i helped.

kel

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A little comforting i guess, knowing that she's actually not doing well. Things just got worse for her then it did for me. At first it seemed to go a lil better for her, but i got over things mostly. And told her to back off away from me when she tried to reach out, after that things seemed to have gone downhill more and more for her. So i feel kinda happy that karma got her in the end...

 

I guess i closed the chapter pretty much, perhaps yeah i really did want to know if she wasn't doing ok. I feel rather good now, i guess i can say i closed this chapter of my life and can move on. Sure took a while though.

 

Perhaps i can be more supportive to a friend of mine, who just went through a break-up. She is a nice girl, even though she is my sensai's daughter. Holy, if i do something bad, he could take me apart

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hey

im glad you have discovered a new lease to your life. a new chapter is always a good thing, it doesnt mean you have to forget the past but you have somewhat overcome it.

hopefully from what you have learnt you can help your friend, but whatever you do ensure you look at her situation from several angles as hers may not be the same situation as yours. dont go in biased!

 

good luck in the future.

kel

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hey

im glad you have discovered a new lease to your life. a new chapter is always a good thing, it doesnt mean you have to forget the past but you have somewhat overcome it.

hopefully from what you have learnt you can help your friend, but whatever you do ensure you look at her situation from several angles as hers may not be the same situation as yours. dont go in biased!

 

good luck in the future.

kel

 

Thankies ^_^,

You've been a great help.

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