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Nonchalance is Your Friend


CrapAtNC

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Just reply, "Sh!"

 

lmao! Dammit, I responded 8 minutes before you posted this! That would have been a great response. You really are a funny guy! Well I waited 40 min and responded.

 

Who, what me? I'm never quiet! (she knows I never stop talking)

 

I was trying to relay to her that I am out doing my own thing and just because she has not heard from me does not mean I am being quiet. But again after reading your response feel like I messed up and sent a stupid response. urrr I suck at this

 

Man, I really like yours. So how did I do? How do you think she interpreted my response? I almost dread asking but I want to learn and grow

 

btw...she has not responded back. but that is fine..I am caring less and less.

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Guys! I need help!

My ex text me, he asked what to do with my mail that he has (important ,mail and I need that), I told him mail it to me. I'm on NC now, but I had to reply him. He texted "Ok. How are you doing?"

What should I do?

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Yours was just as good!

 

Yeah, one for the recovery team! Anyways, she changed her profile pic last night to her and that Casey guy holding each other. Not once has she put me in her profile pic, not even when we were together. This is the first time she has put another guy besides her best friend Jesse. This girl is a mess. All the crap she has told me about missing me, wanting to spend the day with me, loves me and now she does this.

 

I will be fine. It hurts but I deserve better. Time to start posting in the healing section.

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She really needs to leave me alone. she just text me saying: morning nerdface! "Hope your doin well. I passed out on you last night." I know this is not true cuz I sent her the text at 11pm and she posted on her friend Jesse's wall around midnight. Whatever.

 

Do I even respond? If so, with what? I think I need to move on but don't want her to think I am mad at her...that is not nonchalant. Could use some advice.

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If she is cuddling another guy in her Facebook profile photo, I would ignore her.

 

 

Yeah, he has his arms around her and they are facing each other with their cheeks pressed against one another. The look pretty comfy. She has taken pictures with me cheek to cheek and with Jesse her best friend but this looks even more cozy. So you think if I respond I look weak?

 

I want to keep my self respect on my way out and just want to know the best way to do this. Don't want to look bitter and like it effects me too much. Afraid not responding might make me look that way.

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You should stop reading into every move she makes....ignore her completely if you want any self respect.

Im sure she knows you check her FB ...get busy doing something else. SHe is cruel, and you keep coming back for more

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She has taken pictures with me cheek to cheek and with Jesse her best friend but this looks even more cozy. So you think if I respond I look weak?

 

DO NOT RESPOND! You said you wanted your self-respect. So keep it by not bringing that up. What good could possibly come from you bringing up her FB pic?

 

Edit: Sorry I see what you were referring to when you asked if you should respond. I would just ignore her. She needs to get her act together. She's stringing you along, using you while being unfair to her current guy. She doesn't deserve you while she's in this state.

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have not responded. I really don't know if they are dating or not. She has not told me. Crap asked me earlier this week if she knew what I wanted from her. I said up to a month ago yes. But the past month she has seemed to have friendzoned me and maybe she thinks I am ok with it.

 

 

I am pretty sure I will get another text from her soon asking if I am mad at her or if something is wrong. Should I tell her what crap said to say or has the time passed?

 

Here is what he wrote: I'm not getting what I want from this relationship. I like you, and I want to be with you, but it seems you don't want to be my girl. It's not what I want, but I can accept it, if that's what you want. As long as I have my Superman undies, I know everything's gonna be OK.

 

Just don't want to walk away on an assuption and always wonder what if I would have told her. I also don't want to look weak and give up my self respect.

 

Btw...she has had a lot of profile picks similar to this of her and her best guy friend Jesse, but never any other guy not even me. It is suspicious to say the least. I'm sure she knows I would not like it but must not care.

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I like what Crap told you to say but I question if she'll get the message that you want the BS communication to stop. I think she needs a reminder that you're not ok with being kept hanging and what Crap said is good. Would you go NC after that?

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Depends on her response. If she says she wants to be just friends, then I think I want to tell her, you don't want to date me, and I don't want to be just friends. I think we should take a break until one of those two things change. Is that a goold response? Kinda sounds the opposite of my nobchalant superman undies statement. Maybe I just fade away without saying anything?

 

 

Either way I will disappear. I wouldn't put it past her to say I'm not dating anyone right now.

 

If I am to say it do I just do it in a text, over the phone or in person? I feel like doing it in a text.

 

Do I wait for her to reach out again or just send it if we agree text is fine. I am leaving out of town so getting together before will be hit and miss.

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When you break up with someone you need to do it face to face. She's already broken up and you're just telling her to make up her mind and quit messing with you. Forget etiquette. A text is fine.

 

Are you sure that she's seeing this guy though? That he isn't a friend like Jesse? Because that is what is spurring this, right? Don't bring it up to her of course, I'm just questioning, are you sure you fully understand the situation? Either way, she does seem to be friendzoning you, so I think you're idea is solid.

 

But don't listen to me today, I'm in a bad mood for no good reason. My ex and I haven't talked in a couple days and she just called and left a message "Hey it's me, I'm just calling to see how you're doing. Give me a call when you have time. ok Bye". I've decided to wait until after work to return the call. Hopefully I'll be outta my funk by then. It drives me nuts when I get in a bad mood about the breakup for no reason. It's like I suddenly remember the bad things she did and I don't want to reconcile anymore. But I know that I really do so I try to shut up my mind before it gets me in trouble.

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Actually crap and I discussed me telling her what I wanted last week before any of this profile stuff. She was telling me she loved me and bla, bla, bla in texts and over the phone. Crap just said I should tell her what I wanted before fading away, cuz she may not know she is doing anything wrong.

 

As for the profile pick I have no idea if it is another Jesse like friendship thing or not. She just has never put anyone but Jesse up like this before. Very out of character for her and truthfully it feels like a slap in the face. She knows I won't like it.

 

Her and this guy have been spending a fair amount of time together lately so who knows. Its all very confusing.

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This is all so confusing to me cuz she told me a month ago she is not going to date anyone for at least 6 months. I just have a hard time believing her cuz the next day she joined a dating site and built a profile. She never followed through and paid or put up her pic, but she did put in her basic information. That makes no sense.

 

I'm concerned if I tell her this she will just say she is not dating right now, Then what would I say?

 

Either way it is pretty hurtful she put them as her profile pic when she has never used one of ours. My gut tells me they are in the courting stage and this leads me to not want to say anything. If they are what's the use? She has sent me so many mixed signals. I really don't know how best to proceed. I feel like I am in a catch 22.

 

Sorry for dominating the thread lately and thanks for all the input. I feel this will be "Custards last stand". Then I will be posting much less. Just want to do this right.

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You have to not care so much. Really. You put so much fear into every little things she says or does, and that AUTOMATICALLY sends your relationship and any hope of reconciliation on a downward slide.

 

Seriously. Take a step back. I'm betting you two broke up not so much because of anything that happened, but more because of the way you interpreted them and reacted to them. You MUST lighten up, even if it turns out she's pregnant by your dad! Because if you are to have the kind of happy future and loving relationship that a fun and caring guy like you deserves, you must learn to be unaffected. Feel the feeling but don't act on it. It's the ONLY way forward for you.

 

Personally, I think if you threaten to walk away right now, i'll be because of your insecurity more than anything she has done. I imagine the poor girl must be under a lot of pressure to always consider your feelings. If you ask me, this may be a time to show that you are no longer affected by anything she does and she is free to be herself around you. You can still say what you won't accept, but in a way that shows you're cool and not insecure.

 

The things like saying she fell asleep and then posting on Jesse's wall could be true (she may have woken up a little later; I've done that), but, at the end of the day, it does not matter. Same goes for the pic. See the bigger picture: you have become the prize; maybe--just maybe--all these things she is doing are DESIGNED to win YOU back. She's doing everything that we would have been telling her to do (show you're desired by others, be cool, don't be so available) had she been posting on here about her much-loved, newly nonchalant ex. Think about that.

 

I see a guy whose ship is sailing and he's still on the dock refusing to board because he thinks they painted it his least favorite colour on purpose--not because it's his least favourite colour. It's your reactions, not the events, that will dictate the outcome of all of this, and your future happiness. That's what this whole thread is about. This is the one thing you have yet to take on board.

 

Let go of the small stuff. Don't let it affect you. Then what will emerge will be a new you, the real you: a fun, loving, thoughtful, confident guy. What could be more attractive and lovable than that?

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I feel like I just got punched in the gut. I saw my "turn-a-booty-call-into-a-relationship" guy on Saturday. Instead of hooking up we just talked for hours and hours (light hearted stuff). I thought it was a bad sign. He told me that I was the coolest girl he has met on the online site we are both on. He said he surprised that no one has "scooped me" up yet. He said, I am the only one he keeps in his phone and deleted everyone else. We spent all night chatting and cuddling but nothing else. He did talk to me about recent dates he has been on and that he didn't like any of them. I was very cool the whole time. I just enjoyed his company...but no booty, just spooning happened.

 

Fast forward to today (3 days later)...I saw he posted on a forum that he writes on that he is looking for suggestions for a good restaurant to take a hot girl on Saturday night. I feel so stupid. Clearly its not me because we don't have a date. Why would he take me anywhere? I already ruined it by starting everything with a booty call.

 

I feel so crappy because not only did I hang out with him Saturday (and not get any) but I also see him putting his energy into treating someone else right and that feels like the ultimate rejection.

 

I think I have self esteem issues and have to look withing myself for value not to what his actions dictate. I just dont know how to do that.

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